Commentary: A very Olsen birthday
The twins turn 18 on June 13
By Kendra Howe
CNN Headline News
(CNN) -- There are only a few shopping days left until Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's 18th birthday, which is June 13, and I still don't know what to get them. What on earth do you give women who have everything a girl could ever want ... or who are at least capable of buying it?
Current estimates put the twins' net worth at somewhere in the neighborhood of $300 million. To put that in perspective: If the girls live to be 78, they'd each have to spend $6,849.31 every day for the rest of their lives to use up all of that money. They'd have to buy 12 pairs of Manolo Blahnik shoes every day ... or a new Range Rover every week.
Since their job-sharing days on TV's "Full House," the girls have become media moguls. Their kingdom includes movies, music, books, video games, clothing, make-up and even bedding. They've got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (just one -- see how nicely they share?) and their own entertainment company. One industry estimate puts the twins' projected net worth at $1 billion by their 21st birthdays. (We know who's buying the drinks that night!)
The Olsens grew up in front of America's television audience. (Well, at least the part of it that stays home on Friday nights watching cheesy sitcoms.) Their joint role as Michelle Tanner took them from infancy through late toddlerhood. And even those people who couldn't stomach the show for longer than it took to find the remote control watched with perverse horror, wondering how these strange-looking little girls would turn out.
Not being a parent, I missed most of the Olsens' straight-to-video movies and didn't witness their stunning metamorphosis. So imagine my surprise when I recently saw a magazine cover featuring them looking downright gorgeous in complimentary couture ensembles ... with limbs intertwined and hair tastefully tousled?
Parents view Mary-Kate and Ashley as wholesome role models for their children to admire. Of course, I can't blame anyone for wanting their daughters to emulate girls who once sang the lyrics, "I love love and I hate hate ..." rather than worship a former Mouseketeer who growls, "Let's turn this dance floor into our own nasty world."
But, when it all comes down to it, the Olsen twins freak me out. I look at their pictures and I think of their days on "Full House," and I can't help but think they were body-snatched. I can't understand how two babies who got their first television gig simply by not crying when producers held them somehow blossomed into media tycoons. I can't fathom how two babies some people have likened to monkeys ended up being the stuff male fantasies are made of. And I still can't figure out what to get them for their birthday.
