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How to run a marathon

By Paul Sussman for CNN

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(CNN) -- So you fancy yourself as a long-distance runner? Here's how to unleash your inner athlete.

Train, train, train: There are those who think that to run a marathon you don't need to prepare, just turn up on the day and start jogging -- they tend to be the ones lying on a stretcher at about Mile 7 surrounded by paramedics and pleading deliriously for their mummy. 26.2 miles is a long way, and if you want to have any chance of making the distance you have to put in the training. You should start at least three, and preferably six months before the event, slowly building up your endurance with ever longer runs, aiming to complete three really long runs -- of 16, 18 and 20 miles -- before the big one. The web is bursting with advice and training programs, or you could try joining a local running club, which will provide you not only with expert guidance but also people to talk to on those long, lonely evenings galumphing round your local park.

Taper, taper, taper: While training is crucial, too much training can do more harm than good. You must allow your body time to recover from each run, especially the long ones. It is particularly important to scale down -- or 'taper' -- your training in the fortnight leading up to the actual marathon, so that your muscles are fresh for the big day and you are not already hobbling like a trussed-up walrus before you even cross the starting line.

Drink, drink, drink: One of the main dangers of running this sort of distance -- you should expect to be on the road for a good four hours -- is dehydration. There will be drinking stations at regular intervals around the course offering free liquid refreshment, and you should make full use of them. It's also worth carrying some "energy gels" with you -- small sachets containing isotonic carbohydrate gel that you can glug as you run. Tempting as it may be, avoid popping into any pubs en route for a pint of lager with a double vodka chaser. It'll make you feel good for a couple of minutes, and then you'll probably start gibbering inanely and pass out.

Have a plan: Even if your only goal is to get round the course and to hell with how slowly you do it, it's still worth having a running plan. At its most basic this involves setting yourself target times for each mile -- one mile every ten minutes for example. Psychologically this helps break down what in its entirety seems like a dauntingly long distance into manageable, bite-sized chunks, thereby keeping you motivated and focused on the task in hand. Not making a plan means that all you have when you turn up on the starting line is a mental vision of four hours of grunting, sweat-drenched hell, which not surprisingly can be a tad dispiriting.

Buy a heart rate monitor: Unless you're a real running narg whose entire life revolves around split times and optimum cardio training zones, you really don't need one of these. They look impressive, however, especially the ones that strap around your chest, and help maintain your belief in yourself as an able runner even as you are being overtaken at speed by yet another sprightly octogenarian.

Wear proper running shoes: Forget the fancy Lycra shorts, ergonomically-designed day-glow jock-strap and breathable super-lightweight fuel-injection polypropane running gloves -- the only really important item of clothing when running a marathon is, you guessed it, your shoes. Finding a pair of trainers that fit, are comfortable and offer adequate support and cushioning is absolutely crucial if you want to run that sort of distance and still be able to walk again afterwards. You should also make sure you buy your trainers at least a month before the race so that you have had time to wear them in and get the feel for them -- brand new shoes may look good, but after 26.2 miles are liable to leave your feet looking, and feeling, like a pair of chicken carcasses that have been repeatedly battered with a giant mallet and then blistered with an oxyacetylene blow-torch.

Vaseline around the nipples: No, not something to look forward to once the race is over. Chafed nipples -- caused by friction from your running shirt -- can be a real problem for marathon runners. To avoid this rather unpleasant affliction, smear plenty of Vaseline on your areolas before the start of the race. If you have a partner who'll do it for you, all the better.

Watch the movie "Marathon Man:" Although this tale of secret agents, stolen diamonds and renegade Third Reich war criminals has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with long-distance jogging, the scene where poor-old Dustin Hoffman gets his teeth pulled out by mad Nazi dentist Laurence Olivier is still extremely motivational, if only by demonstrating that, draining as it is, there are far more painful things in life that running 26.2 miles.

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