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By Eileen Ogintz Tribune Media Services Adjust font size:
    (Tribune Media Services) -- I don't think my dad ever changed a diaper. Not at home. Certainly not on vacation. He wouldn't have insisted we take baths after playing in the sand all day or made sure we put on clean clothes afterward. He wouldn't have worried about feeding us something healthy when we were hungry (what was wrong with a steady diet of burgers and fries?) or noticed if we were sitting around in wet bathing suits. That just wasn't in his job description. Boy, have times changed. At least that's what dads told me in a flurry of angry e-mails after I reported in a Mother's Day column that moms often feel they get short shrift on vacations with the kids, doing much of the heavy child-care lifting, as their moms and grandmothers did. "That's a complete fallacy," said Keith Bellows, the father of two toddlers and a teenager and also the editor in chief of National Geographic Traveler, when I told him about the flap. "There's no situation I can think of when I'm not on. You want to be with the kids." Certainly that's been true when we've vacationed with our three kids -- whether camping, sightseeing abroad or on road trips. My husband Andy would be the one who would take them fishing before breakfast, ride the roller coasters three times, lead the way on unfamiliar city streets or mountain trails, throw them in the tub before dinner and play "I Spy" with them on road trips. Some of our kids' favorite memories are of those times with their dad. (Send some of your favorite family-vacation memories to eileen@takingthekids.com.) "The new paradigm is to be an involved dad," observed Canadian writer Peter Ehrlich, who oversees the Web site www.singleparentlovelife.com and talks to thousands of single dads. And there's no better way than a trip to encourage that connection, he believes. Family vacations are all the more important for military dads like David Sender, a father of six who just retired from the Navy after 22 years. "He's been away from us a lot in the last five years, so it is very important to have fun and explore the world with those he loves," said Sender's wife, Margaret. (Check out special vacation deals for military families, like the one for $89 a night offered this summer by Vail Cascade Resort in Colorado, complete with 40 percent off spa treatments and food. Visit www.vailcascade.com With so many families in which both parents work outside the home, it's inevitable that dads do more of the child-care chores on vacation just as they do at home. "Vacations, like marriage, are give and take," said Robert Beckett of Connecticut, the father of three young kids. "There is also the issue of guilt," observed Bellows. That means one parent may be on diaper patrol while the other does the baths later. "If you do a round of golf in the morning and she watches the kids, she gets four hours at the spa later," Beckett said. "If your spouse doesn't have fun on vacation, neither will you." All the more reason to have a conversation beforehand to make sure both parents will get to do at least some of what they want on vacation -- whether taking one child scuba diving while the other parent watches the younger ones, or the promise of a morning to sleep in while the other parent wakes and feeds the kids. That shouldn't be too difficult since family vacations typically play to dads' strengths, observed Ron Nichols, a spokesman for The National Center for Fathering and www.fathers.com, which offers tips and resources for dads. "Dads are great at play," Nichols explained. "Vacations are an adventure, and guys love adventure. They get pumped up." Added New Yorker Ron Bozeman, a film producer and father of a 15-year-old son: "It's great to experience new places together and watch my son as he goes into new situations and meets new people." These days, so many married dads find themselves traveling solo with their kids that resorts are catering to them with specific packages. Check out the fly fishing deal at Keystone in Colorado (www.keystoneresort.com "I have found it easier without my wife around," said New Yorker Saul Shapiro, who has taken his 11-year-old twins to the beach and skiing without their mom. "I don't care if they wash their hair or what they eat on vacation. My idea of a good vacation with the kids is something that really focuses on them." Certainly that's also true for the millions of single dads (including the 2.5 million the Census Bureau reports live full time with their children). "Since being divorced, traveling with my kids has become much more of a priority," said Robert Washburn, a Kansas City executive and father of three. He's made a point of giving his kids the gift of a trip -- and lifelong memories, he hopes -- for special birthdays. "Regardless of whether it's a planned trip or a road trip, whether one child or all, we always have fun." It's not necessary to plan anything expensive, either. Go camping or stay at an inexpensive motel and watch your favorite baseball team. Take your little dinosaur lover to the nearest natural history museum. (The American Museum of Natural History in New York is featuring the IMAX movie "Dinosaurs Alive!"; visit www.amnh.org It helps -- especially when traveling solo with the kids -- to involve the kids in the planning and to allow for plenty of downtime, said University of Vermont professor and child psychiatrist David Fassler. "Not every minute needs to be scheduled," Fassler said. "It's important to just be together. What the kids usually want most is your time and attention." (For more Taking the Kids, visit www.takingthekids.com © 2007 EILEEN OGINTZ, DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES, INC. |
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A family hikes on Dercum Mountain at Keystone Resort in Colorado.
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