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Asked by Lynn Lehman, Ballston Lake, New York
What is the best way to deal with a young man's depression and despair? I have a son, almost 22, who has a very high IQ, is very smart, but is extremely depressed and in despair over what he describes as a future that's "not worth it." He finished two years of college, is delaying the final two or three years and is living extremely lower than his potential. Is this the new "normal"?? I am at my wits end. He is a wonderful person, with so much potential (not just my motherly opinion). He seems lost. For his sake, I would like to see him get out of this horribly pessimistic rut. What gives?
Mental Health Expert
Dr. Charles Raison
Psychiatrist,
Emory University Medical School
Of all the questions sent to me for CNNhealth, I wanted to address yours first, because it breaks my heart, because it points to the devastation that mental illness can cause, and because I've seen similar situations a thousand times in my work as a psychiatrist.
Whenever I hear this type of story I always want to know several things that are very important in terms of figuring out how to diagnose and treat a person. How long has your son been depressed like this? Is he behaving very differently from the way he did even a few years ago? Are there people in his family who have struggled with mental illness? If so, what kind? Has he gotten any treatment at all?
Obviously I cannot make specific treatment recommendations but let me share my general thoughts. First off, most definitely your son's condition is not the "new normal," although sadly rates of depression have been rising in young people worldwide. It is very important that he be seen by a medical professional (and probably a psychiatrist) so that an appropriate treatment can be commenced. One thing we know for sure is that the longer a person is depressed, the less likely he or she is to recover and the less likely to respond to treatment. So time is really of the essence!
Studies show that a number of things are useful for treating depression. The best studied ways to treat depression are antidepressants and psychotherapy-- and it is pretty clear that they work better when combined for many people. Which medication or type of therapy would be best for your son is a matter for your doctor to determine. In addition to these medical treatments, it turns out that a lot of old folk wisdom actually turns out to be true in regards to how to feel better in life. So, for example, studies show that exercise helps depression and so does being active and having good social relationships. A good diet and getting sleep are also likely important. Of course, the problem with some of these strategies is that depressed people don't feel well enough to make use of them, which again points to how important it is for your son to get into treatment.
Let me say a final word about your son's condition -- again recognizing that I know nothing about him beyond what's in your question. Whenever I hear of young adults with the type of disabling depression you describe -- and especially when they are men -- I worry that they may go on to have a more serious condition called bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depression. Studies suggest that most cases of bipolar disorder start with depressive episodes and that many young people who develop severe depression will eventually go on to have a manic episode. Again, this further highlights how important it is that you help him get treatment for his condition. You'd be amazed how effective modern interventions can be in terms of returning people to themselves.
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