(EW.com) -- After a huge hot mess of a Thursday results show featuring Mary J. Blige, lots of filler, and all of the remaining cast alternating between screaming and crying onstage at the end of the hour, the act eliminated from the "X Factor" laser field on December 8 was....
The 13-year-old dramatically collapsed onto the floor after she learned she would be heading home -- or into the open arms of benevolent Mr. Hollywood, who is apparently waiting in the wings on line two.
It sounded like they cut Rachel's mic off or at least turned the volume down so that Steve Jones could do his thing. I couldn't decide if I wanted to hear everything Rachel was scream-sobbing or if I thought it was totally gross and unfair that a child -- even a child-actress type like Rachel -- was being put through this ordeal in the first place. Everyone seemed out of his or her element here. Pretty uncomfortable!
Sputtering disaster Nicole Scherzinger had forced the bottom two -- Rachel and Marcus Canty -- into DEADLOCK by pretending to refuse to send either person home...but ultimately choosing Rachel. Here's how she did it.
[DELICATELY DABBING EYES WITH TISSUE] "I can't make this decision, please. Cuz I been up there and I love both of you I have to go with a deadlock please. I don't wanna have to say that...I don't wanna...um. Uh. I'm just gonna have....Yeah. You know...Unhhh?!...So the act that I have to [AIR QUOTES] send home is Rachel."
Nicole got BOOED big time after finally making her way to the stage. It was so bad she had to just turn around and refuse to speak with Stevecrest (who's used to that by now). I suspect she just wanted everyone to see the back of her dress. It gets no love just hovering down there in the darkness during the contestants' performances. God had a plan for the deep dark underbelly of Nicole's outfit!
The "Save Me Songs" round seemed more pointless than ever in light of Nicole's dramatic monologue/cry for help. On the one hand, I like the idea that the person who gets the least votes = the person who goes home. But in that case, why even bother with the Save Mes? If the Save Mes are supposed to matter, I think Rachel performed better on Etta James' "I'd Rather Go Blind than Marcus did on Mary J. Blige's "I'm Going Down" (prescient title!). They were both pretty damn good though, and by "good" I mean "super emotional" and -- in Rachel's case -- "stank-faced to the max."
This show! Oh, man. It seems scripted and yet unregulated at once, rendering the final minutes of the results shows genuinely riveting...and utttah-ly maddening at the same time! You think you've settled in to gaze upon a mediocre sculpture, for an hour, but around the 55-minute mark the art in question has invariably melted into a steaming pile of dung.
Look away! No, don't. But it's so foul! Well, it's happening. You're watching it.
Farewell, adorable child Rachel Crow. See you on the fall 2012 premiere of your Disney Channel dreamscape dramedy, "Bathroom Barbie's Revenge."
So that leaves our Top 4 -- Josh Krajcik, Melanie Amaro, Chris Rene, and Marcus Canty -- to sing for your votes next week. And your votes will mattah!
Happy with the Top 4, Ameriker? Should Nicole have sent Marcus home?
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