Skip to main content

Retire, Phelps, and live your life

By Jeff Pearlman, Special to CNN
August 10, 2012 -- Updated 1730 GMT (0130 HKT)
Olympics star Michael Phelps should ignore advice to continue competing, says Jeff Pearlman, and stick to his plan to retire.
Olympics star Michael Phelps should ignore advice to continue competing, says Jeff Pearlman, and stick to his plan to retire.
STORY HIGHLIGHTS
  • Jeff Pearlman: Michael Phelps should stick to his plan, forget Rio in 2016 and retire
  • He says sports history is lousy with icons who didn't quit when they should have and fell short
  • He says main reason to ignore advice to keep competing is that Phelps should begin to live life
  • Pearlman: Olympics is great moment in time, but it can't last

Editor's note: Jeff Pearlman is the author of "Sweetness: The Enigmatic Life of Walter Payton," out in paperback in August. He blogs at jeffpearlman.com. Follow him on Twitter.

(CNN) -- In the history of organized athletics, there has never been a person who needs to come back again less than Michael Phelps.

Yes, you have read that correctly. I am urging the greatest swimmer in all of sports to keep his word, forget about Rio in 2016 and retire. To go away. To vanish. To ignore his mother and his sisters and Matt Lauer and Mark Spitz and Rowdy Gaines and to once and for all hang up his goggles and Speedos.

Go. Scram. Buzz off.

Jeff Pearlman
Jeff Pearlman

Because athletics enthusiasts are a peculiar people (aka: crazy), we always beg our heroes to stick around longer than they should. It's the reason a portly, 40-year-old Ken Griffey Jr. hit .184 in Seattle in 2010 and the reason Bjorn Borg stepped back onto the tennis court in 1991 (wood racket in hand) -- only to win nary a single match. It's the reason our final snapshot of Sugar Ray Leonard is an embarrassing stoppage against Hector Camacho and the reason Jim Palmer arrived at spring training with Baltimore in 1991 throwing big, fat, Little League meatballs.

Why, it's even the reason a 41-year-old Spitz, Phelps' predecessor as our own personal Aquaman, jumped back into the pool to qualify for the 1992 Games in Barcelona. He, of course, failed -- by a whopping two seconds.

News: Olympic legend Phelps: 'I'm done with swimming'

We convince these men and women that they can still do it, that it's worth one more shot, that age is just a number, that legend is a gift of the gods, and to not use it is shameful. (Gaines, the former Olympic swimmer who now works as an NBC commentator, recently said he believes Phelps will likely come back because "he'll be able to walk through airports in a couple years and not be mobbed. He'll miss that." There is a word for this line of thinking: sad.)

Phelps plans for the future
Phelps' favorite things ...
Coe: 'Not sure' Phelps greatest

Then, predictably, when they fall short, we bemoan that the effort was ever made. We offer comments such as, "Boy, that was pathetic" and "He should have stayed retired" -- forgetting that we were the ones pining for the return. Again, sports fan are crazy.

Yet the inevitable disappointment of a then-31-year-old Phelps underperforming in Rio (and, for the record, 31 in swimming is 40 in real life) isn't the No. 1 reason he should stay away. No, Phelps needs to remain retired because, quite frankly, life in a pool sucks. OK, not for a week, while vacationing in Orlando.

But imagine being Phelps. You wake up at 5 a.m., spend four hours in a pool, go home, sleep (in your Michael Jackson-esque oxygen tank), return to the pool for another two hours, eat (a disgustingly healthy and bland) dinner, go to bed, then repeat the following day. And the day after that. And the day after that. And the day after that. And ...

For, hell, 1½ decades, Phelps' existence has revolved around the insidious smell of chlorine. When he talks, one can hear -- very clearly -- his weariness over the whole endeavor. "These Olympics have been great, but. ..."

But Phelps needs a life. If I'm Debbie, Michael's mother, I cease with all the Rio jabber (really, the woman needs to stop) and say the following: "Son, I'm proud of you. You've done amazing things. But you're 27, and life is short. You've made lots of money in endorsements. Use some of it. Here's a backpack, a Fodor's and a one-way ticket to Prague. Go see the world. Eat anything you want. Sleep in hostels, drink lots of beers, hit up Amsterdam and Barcelona and Geelong and Venice and Wolverhampton and Valletta. Tell the ladies you're Michael Phelps if it helps, or just pull your cap down low and call yourself Biff Stevens. Just make sure and live!"

When we watch the Olympics on TV, and the uplifting music is piped in and the anthems are played and tears stream down the cheeks of winners, we are witnessing a sliver of time -- a singular moment that encompasses 1/1,000,000,000th of an athlete's existence. It is romantic and lovely; Bev Oden the former Olympic volleyball star, calls the experience, "the height of euphoria."

But that euphoria, like all things, passes, and at day's end many athletes are left wondering not whether they should have stayed on longer, but whether, in missing senior proms and romantic summer nights and family vacations, they surrendered too much.

After three Olympic Games and 22 medals, it is time for Phelps to stop surrendering.

It is time to live.

Follow @CNNOpinion on Twitter.

Join us at Facebook/CNNOpinion.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Jeff Pearlman.

ADVERTISEMENT
Part of complete coverage on
November 24, 2014 -- Updated 2310 GMT (0710 HKT)
If Obama thinks pushing out Hagel will be seen as the housecleaning many have eyed for his national security process, he'll be disappointed, says David Rothkopf.
November 25, 2014 -- Updated 1311 GMT (2111 HKT)
The decision by the St. Louis County prosecuting attorney to announce the Ferguson grand jury decision at night was dangerous, says Jeff Toobin.
November 25, 2014 -- Updated 0857 GMT (1657 HKT)
China's influence in Latin America is nothing new. Beijing has a voracious appetite for natural resources and deep pockets, says Frida Ghitis.
November 24, 2014 -- Updated 2151 GMT (0551 HKT)
Iranian President Hassan Rouhani speaks during a press conference in the capital Tehran on June 14, 2014.
The decision to extend the deadline for talks over Iran's nuclear program doesn't change Tehran's dubious history on the issue, writes Michael Rubin.
November 21, 2014 -- Updated 1925 GMT (0325 HKT)
Maria Cardona says Republicans should appreciate President Obama's executive action on immigration.
November 21, 2014 -- Updated 1244 GMT (2044 HKT)
Van Jones says the Hunger Games is a more sweeping critique of wealth inequality than Elizabeth Warren's speech.
November 20, 2014 -- Updated 2329 GMT (0729 HKT)
obama immigration
David Gergen: It's deeply troubling to grant legal safe haven to unauthorized immigrants by executive order.
November 21, 2014 -- Updated 0134 GMT (0934 HKT)
Charles Kaiser recalls a four-hour lunch that offered insight into the famed director's genius.
November 20, 2014 -- Updated 2012 GMT (0412 HKT)
The plan by President Obama to provide legal status to millions of undocumented adults living in the U.S. leaves Republicans in a political quandary.
November 21, 2014 -- Updated 0313 GMT (1113 HKT)
Despite criticism from those on the right, Obama's expected immigration plans won't make much difference to deportation numbers, says Ruben Navarette.
November 21, 2014 -- Updated 0121 GMT (0921 HKT)
As new information and accusers against Bill Cosby are brought to light, we are reminded of an unshakable feature of American life: rape culture.
November 20, 2014 -- Updated 2256 GMT (0656 HKT)
When black people protest against police violence in Ferguson, Missouri, they're thought of as a "mob."
November 19, 2014 -- Updated 2011 GMT (0411 HKT)
Lost in much of the coverage of ISIS brutality is how successful the group has been at attracting other groups, says Peter Bergen.
November 19, 2014 -- Updated 1345 GMT (2145 HKT)
Do recent developments mean that full legalization of pot is inevitable? Not necessarily, but one would hope so, says Jeffrey Miron.
November 19, 2014 -- Updated 1319 GMT (2119 HKT)
We don't know what Bill Cosby did or did not do, but these allegations should not be easily dismissed, says Leslie Morgan Steiner.
November 19, 2014 -- Updated 1519 GMT (2319 HKT)
Does Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas have the influence to bring stability to Jerusalem?
November 19, 2014 -- Updated 1759 GMT (0159 HKT)
Even though there are far fewer people being stopped, does continued use of "broken windows" strategy mean minorities are still the target of undue police enforcement?
November 18, 2014 -- Updated 0258 GMT (1058 HKT)
The truth is, we ran away from the best progressive persuasion voice in our times because the ghost of our country's original sin still haunts us, writes Cornell Belcher.
November 18, 2014 -- Updated 2141 GMT (0541 HKT)
Children living in the Syrian city of Aleppo watch the sky. Not for signs of winter's approach, although the cold winds are already blowing, but for barrel bombs.
November 17, 2014 -- Updated 1321 GMT (2121 HKT)
We're stuck in a kind of Middle East Bermuda Triangle where messy outcomes are more likely than neat solutions, says Aaron David Miller.
November 17, 2014 -- Updated 1216 GMT (2016 HKT)
In the midst of the fight against Islamist rebels seeking to turn the clock back, a Kurdish region in Syria has approved a law ordering equality for women. Take that, ISIS!
November 17, 2014 -- Updated 0407 GMT (1207 HKT)
Ruben Navarrette says President Obama would be justified in acting on his own to limit deportations
ADVERTISEMENT