Reporter's notebook: Awaiting the birth of the Mideast peace baby
July 23, 2013 -- Updated 1220 GMT (2020 HKT)
- Wedeman: I have dubious fortune of being in Jerusalem awaiting the birth of Mideast peace baby
- Gestation period between a few months and three centuries after Judgment Day, Wedeman says
- The midwife, the United States, is easily distracted by domestic troubles, says Wedeman
- "If ... the Mideast peace baby is delivered, there is a high probability it won't be a normal birth"
Jerusalem (CNN) -- While my esteemed colleagues are covering the extraordinary birth of an ordinary baby to a young, privileged British couple, I have the dubious fortune of being in Jerusalem awaiting the birth of the Mideast peace baby.
U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry has just finished up his sixth visit to the Middle East, and announced that the birthing process of Middle East peace is about to begin.
Israelis, Palestinians react to agreement on resuming peace talks
The gestation period, however, is somewhere between a few months and three centuries after Judgment Day, and we've gone through many false labors since the Oslo Peace accords were signed in the White House Rose Garden way back in September 1993.
The chances of a stillbirth are perilously high. The parents can't stand one another. They constantly squabble, often violently, with deadly consequences. This may be because they are in the process of a very difficult, decades-old divorce, and despite the presence of an army of lawyers offering an ocean of advice, they simply cannot agree on a separation of property.
Kerry helps jump-start peace talks
Egypt: Israel's non reaction
And as we, the press, wait for the birth, there is a high danger to life, limb, and mental health as we wait outside the clinic to report on the latest angry screams and fist fights on and around the bloodstained delivery table. No one is passing out ice cream to the reporters, or posing for pictures, or showing the least bit of interest in the endless drama inside.
Of course, there are innumerable differences between the sagas of the royal baby and of the Middle East peace process.
The midwife, the United States, has attention deficit disorder, and is easily distracted by her own domestic troubles. She barges into the delivery room with a manic sense of purpose, makes a lot of noise and encourages speeches, then disappears as quickly as she arrives, while the unhappy couple goes at one another tooth and nail. And although the labor pains are intense, the baby shows no inclination to show its head.
And if, God willing, the Mideast peace baby is delivered, there is a high probability it won't be a normal birth. And there is a good chance one of the parents, or both of them, will decide they simply hate their offspring and disown the poor little waif.
One more thing: the maintenance of this hopefully soon-to-be born Mideast peace baby is wildly expensive. Not as expensive as the alternative -- no peace baby -- but expensive nonetheless.
So don't hold your breath waiting for news from this delivery room.
Part of complete coverage on
April 25, 2014 -- Updated 1629 GMT (0029 HKT)
Photos: Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, Prince William, Duke of Cambridge and Prince George of Cambridge embark on a Royal Tour.
April 7, 2014 -- Updated 1315 GMT (2115 HKT)
He can't even walk yet but Prince George took a momentous step on Monday in what's set to be a lifetime of royal duties.
June 16, 2014 -- Updated 1120 GMT (1920 HKT)
The first official images of Prince George are released, taken by his grandfather Michael Middleton in Berkshire, England.
July 23, 2013 -- Updated 1627 GMT (0027 HKT)
It's a boy! Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, and husband Prince William welcomed their first child - baby son.
July 17, 2013 -- Updated 2022 GMT (0422 HKT)
Think you know all you could ever want to about royal babies amid all the excitement about the new arrival? Well did you know this...
July 23, 2013 -- Updated 1546 GMT (2346 HKT)
Let us least spare a thought for the unfortunate newborn caught, through no fault other than his ancestry, in the global spotlight, Simon Hooper writes.
July 5, 2013 -- Updated 0942 GMT (1742 HKT)
Britain's royals are a pretty traditional bunch when it comes to picking baby names -- so what are the chances of a Queen Ella or King Terry?
Confused by who's linked to who in the royal family? Explore the Middleton and Windsor branches of our interactive family tree.
July 10, 2013 -- Updated 1604 GMT (0004 HKT)
Here's a look at some interesting statistics about royal births in Britain.
July 5, 2013 -- Updated 1902 GMT (0302 HKT)
There's a treat in store for anyone in Britain whose baby arrives on the same day Catherine delivers a royal heir -- the gift of a silver coin.
July 22, 2013 -- Updated 2040 GMT (0440 HKT)
All eyes have been on the Duchess of Cambridge since she and Prince William announced they were expecting a baby.
July 4, 2013 -- Updated 1748 GMT (0148 HKT)
The world watched when they were married in the wedding of the year -- now all eyes are on William and Kate ahead of their new arrival.
June 25, 2013 -- Updated 1358 GMT (2158 HKT)
As well as being wonderful news for the royal couple the new baby will have positive implications for the future of the UK monarchy.
July 24, 2013 -- Updated 2302 GMT (0702 HKT)
Prince William has spent decades in the public eye. Follow the royal's life in pictures, from baby to proud father-to-be.
June 25, 2013 -- Updated 1407 GMT (2207 HKT)
Changes to the law mean Prince William and Catherine's new baby will be heir to the British throne, whether it is a boy or a girl.
October 20, 2013 -- Updated 1214 GMT (2014 HKT)
Catherine has proved quite the fashionista since being catapulted into the limelight thanks to her appearance in a university catwalk show.
Get all the latest news, photos and videos on Kate and William's baby and the rest of the royal family.
Today's five most popular stories