Skip to main content

Apparently This Matters: CrossFit for toddlers

She may still be a bit young for toddler CrossFit, but, nevertheless, it appears this cute little girl already had a better workout today than most of us. She may still be a bit young for toddler CrossFit, but, nevertheless, it appears this cute little girl already had a better workout today than most of us.
This is CrossFit
This is CrossFit
This is CrossFit
This is CrossFit
This is CrossFit
This is CrossFit
This is CrossFit
  • A gym in Long Island City is now offering CrossFit for toddlers
  • Some people think it's too expensive and snobbish
  • Two classes a week for a month costs $280

Editor's note: Each week in "Apparently This Matters," CNN's Jarrett Bellini applies his warped sensibilities to trending topics in social media and random items of interest on the Web.

(CNN) -- I go to the gym. It's an excellent place to watch SportsCenter while occupying a bench press that somebody else might otherwise use for actual exercise.

"You done with this?"

"Define done."

My other favorite part of an early workout is when the gym staff finally plops the morning newspapers on the media table, where thumbing through USA Today for 20 minutes seems to be another great way to not improve my personal well being.

"Apparently This Matters" Is Jarrett Bellini's weekly (and somewhat random) look at social-media trends.

Then I hit the sauna. Because, clearly, I've earned it.

So, my daily routine isn't exactly CrossFit. In fact, it just barely even qualifies as being awake.

Which is a little pathetic when you consider that, now, even toddlers are taking on CrossFit. Yes, one of the most controversial and interesting fitness crazes around -- one that some people (with incredibly loose standards) even label as a "cult" -- is actually offering age-modified classes to children.

That's the larger story that people were talking about this week online. But, before diving deeper into that, I think it's important, first, to understand what CrossFit actually is. You know ... as explained by someone who's never done it.

As best I comprehend the phenomenon, CrossFit is a strength and conditioning program that focuses on highly functional real-world movements that are constantly varied and performed at amazingly high intensity. Participants work out in groups and meet not in a gym, but an industrial-looking "box" that is void of all the things I love most -- you know, SportsCenter and USA Today.

Making CrossFit even more unique is the fact that you don't decide your own routine. Instead, there is a posted daily exercise that everyone does together. It's called the workout of the day -- or the WOD.

On some days it might include nothing but front squats, and on another day you might find yourself lifting weights. But whatever it is, you'll do it as a group, it's going to be intense, and there's a decent chance you might barf all over your Nikes.

My gym franchise would be slightly different.

"Yesterday we napped. Today we're going to stare at our hands. Be champions."

People who do CrossFit absolutely swear by it. Others simply see it as snobbish, especially considering that it's far more expensive than just joining an ordinary gym.

For example, the "box" nearest me in Atlanta -- BTB Fitness -- charges $250/month. My current gym is $360 for the year.

So, it's definitely a lot of money. But, that doesn't mean it's snobbish.

As someone who doesn't really care one way or the other, I just see a lot of really fit men and women working incredibly hard. And that's more than I can say for myself. Thus, if you want to have your own lingo and dress a certain way, I say go for it.


Really, I harbor no judgement in support of or in opposition to CrossFit. I'm not a health expert, and I'm literally sitting here writing with a Super Big Gulp. Which is just like a normal Big Gulp, but with slightly more type-2 diabetes.

So, in general, I just applaud anyone who exercises. And I wish I could look as good as the people I see doing CrossFit.

Which is why, at first glance, CrossFit for toddlers seems completely fine. It's not like the kids are deadlifting kettle bells or hauling giant bags of dirt around the neighborhood.

If that was the case, I'd let the neighborhood kids pay me to clean my backyard.

"Billy, here's a Kroger bag. Now give me 10 more dog poop lifts. And 50 bucks."

Instead, at CrossFit Gantry in Long Island City Queens -- the affiliate that made news this week -- children starting at 3 years old will focus on traditional CrossFit movements but without any weight. The classes will also incorporate counting and colors, as well as bear crawls and crab walking.

Basically, it's just a bunch of fun kid stuff. But with a price tag.

If your son or daughter attends two classes a week, the fee for the month is $280. And, that, some argue, makes it all completely unnecessary. Especially when playgrounds are free. And outside.

But, come on. We're simply talking about a fun, organized group activity for kids. It's just like karate or ballet. People shouldn't let their contempt for the word "CrossFit" overshadow that it's just something active and interesting for children to do. And people are certainly free to spend their money however they please.

But don't listen to me. My kid is a dog. And Mikey's primary workout routine is dropping giant turds on my lawn.

"Billy, grab another Kroger bag."

Follow Jarrett Bellini on Twitter.

Part of complete coverage on
Apparently This Matters...
October 10, 2014 -- Updated 2214 GMT (0614 HKT)
I vaguely recall Pizza Hut's Book It elementary school reading incentive program. Though, to be fair, I vaguely remember what I had for breakfast.
September 26, 2014 -- Updated 2337 GMT (0737 HKT)
It took a lot of effort for Leo Bonten to turn his amputated leg into a fully functional lamp. For starters, he had to break the damn thing in a freak kiddie pool accident.
September 20, 2014 -- Updated 0022 GMT (0822 HKT)
If you asked me -- and God knows nobody has -- I would have to guess that never in the history of humankind has anyone ever actually slipped on a banana peel.
September 12, 2014 -- Updated 2223 GMT (0623 HKT)
I'm a napper.
September 8, 2014 -- Updated 1244 GMT (2044 HKT)
Since the beginning of time, man has looked up into the cosmos at those shiny, twinkling stars and thought, "I wonder if lizards would do each other up there?"
August 23, 2014 -- Updated 1528 GMT (2328 HKT)
We all have weird, irrational concerns.
August 18, 2014 -- Updated 0225 GMT (1025 HKT)
"What does this thing do?"
August 8, 2014 -- Updated 1748 GMT (0148 HKT)
Despite all the political tension in Crimea, it's nice to know things are still safe enough at the zoo for a zebra to get it on with a donkey.
August 2, 2014 -- Updated 0141 GMT (0941 HKT)
Justin Sylvester's wife is pregnant. With a baby.
July 27, 2014 -- Updated 0010 GMT (0810 HKT)
There's a famous scene in the movie "Titanic" where Rose turns to Jack and says, "I want you to draw me like one of your French girls."
July 18, 2014 -- Updated 2015 GMT (0415 HKT)
For several months in 2003, I did the whole European backpacker thing. Which is to say I've seen nearly every cathedral within 1,000 square miles of the Danube.
July 11, 2014 -- Updated 1917 GMT (0317 HKT)
The other day I saw a death metal band hanging out by their tour van in the parking lot behind a club. They were all dressed in black, and may or may not have been working on lyrics to a new song about fire and lamb meat.
June 23, 2014 -- Updated 1305 GMT (2105 HKT)
There are two good reasons to own a giant trampoline.
June 13, 2014 -- Updated 2251 GMT (0651 HKT)
I would love to say my dog is intellectually qualified to be a service animal. But he's not. There's barely enough brainpower there to be a lamp.
June 8, 2014 -- Updated 1523 GMT (2323 HKT)
I've never really needed an extra ear.
June 4, 2014 -- Updated 2032 GMT (0432 HKT)
I never actually caught a glimpse of the Tooth Fairy when I was young, but she was definitely real and in cahoots with my mom. This, due to the fact that I never woke up to find a Nintendo.
May 23, 2014 -- Updated 1957 GMT (0357 HKT)
Have you ever seen a man running in a marathon, bleeding from his nipples?
May 16, 2014 -- Updated 1952 GMT (0352 HKT)
Brace yourselves, because this week's story is about sperm and poop.