Skip to main content
Part of complete coverage on
 

Girl hurricanes get no respect

By S.E. Cupp
June 4, 2014 -- Updated 2130 GMT (0530 HKT)
STORY HIGHLIGHTS
  • S.E. Cupp: Study: Hurricanes with male names less deadly than those with female names
  • She says it's because female-named hurricanes don't get taking seriously. She can relate
  • Some tips for hurricanes: Wear serious glasses, wear pants, cross your arms to look bored
  • Cupp: The rest of us can help by taking female-named hurricanes more seriously next time

Editor's note: S.E. Cupp is co-host of "Crossfire," which airs at 6:30 p.m. ET weekdays on CNN. She is also the author of "Losing Our Religion: The Liberal Media's Attack on Christianity," co-author of "Why You're Wrong About the Right," a columnist at the New York Daily News and a political commentator for Glenn Beck's The Blaze. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of the author.

(CNN) -- Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. A woman hurricane, that is.

Um, what?

Well, according to a study in the totally-real "Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences," by actual researchers at the University of Illinois and Arizona State University, hurricanes with female names have been far deadlier than hurricanes with male names ... because people don't take the female-named hurricanes seriously.

I'm sure I speak for women -- and women hurricanes -- everywhere, when I say, I hear you sister. Story of my life.

This study has been summarily dismissed as not very sciencey. Critics say the research doesn't account for recent improvements in warning systems and that analyzing hurricane data starting from 1950, when all hurricanes had female names, skewed the results. In other words, they say, more hurricanes have female names, and since getting male names, they've gotten less deadly. You can do the math. (Unless you're a woman.)

But the researchers say they've accounted for all of this in their study. And even when subjects in another part of their research were given the names of hypothetical hurricanes, they thought the female-sounding one would be less dangerous and, therefore, less necessary to prepare for.

But that all sounds like the spin of a male hurricane to me. It doesn't surprise me at all that female-named hurricanes aren't taken seriously, and I'm here to stand in solidarity with my sisters. Even if they are rapidly rotating storm systems characterized by a low-pressure center, strong winds and a spiral arrangement of thunderstorms that produce heavy rain. That sounds like every girl I went to high school with.

S.E. Cupp
S.E. Cupp

So I've got some advice for the lady 'canes:

First, try wearing some officious-looking glasses (see left).

People will insist they're fake and demand you prove otherwise (war on women) but the next time someone calls Jake Tapper "a serious newsman" you can just point to your glasses. Because he doesn't wear any. Boom.

Wear pants. Pantsuits are also a good way of saying, "I have no discernible body parts." And if there's one thing that immediately distracts people from your intellectual power, it's discernible body parts. There's only one reason George W. Bush became president, and that's because you never saw his calves. That's just science.

Dire forecast as climate change looms
The high cost of weather disasters

Cross your arms a lot. It simultaneously says, derisively, "I don't watch 'The Bachelor'" and "the words you're saying right now are boring me." Looking bored is the mark of a serious person. See: George Will; Kanye West...

Admittedly, these tips might not work. And not because hurricanes can't wear glasses, pantsuits or cross their arms, but because women-everything still don't get a fair shake today. I fear that my children might never live in a world where female and male hurricanes are treated equally. But that's up to all of us, and here's where you come in:

The next time "Hurricane Courtney" rolls into town, listen to what she has to say instead of rolling your eyes, or joking to your buddies that "she's probably just PMS-ing." Because the next thing you know, you'll be sitting in your bathtub ... 200 feet from your bathroom.

And her eyes are up here, thank you very much.

Female hurricanes are deadlier than male hurricanes, study says

A look at the 2014 Atlantic Hurricane Season

ADVERTISEMENT
Part of complete coverage on
August 21, 2014 -- Updated 1842 GMT (0242 HKT)
Retired Lt. Gen. Mark Hertling says he learned that the territory ISIS wants to control is amazingly complex.
August 21, 2014 -- Updated 1450 GMT (2250 HKT)
David Weinberger says Twitter and other social networks have been vested with a responsibility, and a trust, they did not ask for.
August 22, 2014 -- Updated 0035 GMT (0835 HKT)
John Inazu says the slogan "We are Ferguson" is meant to express empathy and solidarity. It's not true: Not all of us live in those circumstances. But we all made them.
August 20, 2014 -- Updated 1951 GMT (0351 HKT)
Cerue Garlo says Liberia is desperate for help amid a Ebola outbreak that has touched every aspect of life.
August 21, 2014 -- Updated 1742 GMT (0142 HKT)
Eric Liu says Republicans who want to restrict voting may win now, but the party will suffer in the long term.
August 21, 2014 -- Updated 1538 GMT (2338 HKT)
Jay Parini: Jesus, Pope and now researchers agree: Wealth decreases our ability to sympathize with the poor.
August 21, 2014 -- Updated 1200 GMT (2000 HKT)
Judy Melinek offers a medical examiner's perspective on what happens when police kill people like Michael Brown.
August 19, 2014 -- Updated 2203 GMT (0603 HKT)
It used to be billy clubs, fire hoses and snarling German shepherds. Now it's armored personnel carriers and flash-bang grenades, writes Kara Dansky.
August 20, 2014 -- Updated 1727 GMT (0127 HKT)
Maria Haberfeld: People who are unfamiliar with police work can reasonably ask, why was an unarmed man shot so many times, and why was deadly force used at all?
August 18, 2014 -- Updated 2152 GMT (0552 HKT)
Ruben Navarrette notes that this fall, minority students will outnumber white students at America's public schools.
August 19, 2014 -- Updated 2121 GMT (0521 HKT)
Humans have driven to extinction four marine mammal species in modern times. As you read this, we are on the brink of losing the fifth, write three experts.
August 19, 2014 -- Updated 1158 GMT (1958 HKT)
It's been ten days since Michael Brown was killed, and his family is still waiting for information from investigators about what happened to their young man, writes Mel Robbins
August 18, 2014 -- Updated 1242 GMT (2042 HKT)
The former U.K. prime minister and current U.N. envoy says there are 500 days left to fulfill the Millennium Goals' promise to children.
August 20, 2014 -- Updated 1738 GMT (0138 HKT)
Peter Bergen says the terror group is a huge threat in Iraq but only a potential one in the U.S.
August 18, 2014 -- Updated 2006 GMT (0406 HKT)
Pepper Schwartz asks why young women are so entranced with Kardashian, who's putting together a 352-page book of selfies
ADVERTISEMENT