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In hot car death, leave the mom alone

By Mel Robbins
July 10, 2014 -- Updated 1201 GMT (2001 HKT)
  • Mel Robbins: People say there's "something suspicious" about Leanna Harris
  • Robbins: We tend to interpret details in a tragedy to bolster our early judgment
  • She says mom's emotional state, Web searches irrelevant; remarks explainable
  • Robbins: Nobody knows what happened yet, so don't indict anyone until facts are in

Editor's note: Mel Robbins is a CNN commentator and legal analyst. Robbins is the founder of, a positive news website and author of "Stop Saying You're Fine," about managing change. She speaks on leadership around the world and in 2014 was named Outstanding News Talk Radio Host by the Gracie Awards. Follow her on Twitter @melrobbins. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of the author.

(CNN) -- Leave the wife alone. Many of you should admit it. You think there's "something suspicious" about her.

You're not alone. The police say they have "barely scratched the surface" on the investigation into Cooper Harris' death in a hot car, and a lot of us have decided that Leanna Harris, his mom, was somehow involved. At the time I'm writing this, she has not been charged with a crime, she is not a suspect, she is not the focus of the investigation -- she's just one of the many witnesses being scrutinized by the police, as she should be.

Mel Robbins
Mel Robbins

But she shouldn't be indicted by the public before the facts come out.

It's tempting to rush to judgment in a tragedy. We tend to make a gut call and then use the details in a story to try to prove that our initial call was right. I agree with those who are skeptical: The sexting dad Justin Ross Harris, who left the boy in the car, appears to have dug himself a pretty deep hole. Until we hear his side of the story, he'll probably remain there. But before you judge Leanna Harris, consider these eight points.

Her emotional state is irrelevant.

Interpreting emotional reactions is an extremely subjective business. Justin Ross Harris was crying in court during the probable cause hearing, yet nobody is arguing that his tears are proof he made a mistake. Many have pointed out Leanna's stoic, gum-chomping face in court as "suspicious." Try this interpretation. She's pissed. Listening to evidence that your husband was sending photos of his penis to other women isn't going to send most women into tears, she's probably chewing the gum to keep herself from standing up and throwing something at him.

Perhaps that's what she meant when, as police say, she asked her husband "Did you say too much?" It might refer to saying too much about their marital problems and financial difficulties that were playing out in court.

And more important: Everyone grieves differently. Police questioned her lack of emotion and an officer testified that Leanna Harris' mother asked her "Why aren't you crying?"

I can tell you why she's not crying: She's in shock.

She is emotionally and mentally processing a lot.

Her baby is dead. She is learning the horrible details about how Cooper suffered: scratching his face and banging his head against the seat as he slowly died.

Her husband is in jail for murder.

Her husband was also sexting with several women.

Her marital and financial troubles have been exposed for the world to see.

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The world media is parked at her front door and filming her every move.

How is she supposed to act in the wake of that avalanche? Lord only knows. I'm sure she's a hot mess of rage, fear, grief, shock and everything in between.

Her Internet searches about hot car deaths mean nothing.

Thousands of things new parents do might strike the rest of us as strange: they buy fabric inserts for shopping carts because they are germophobes, they boil every bottle, throw out pacifiers that drop on the floor. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a mother searching for information about a subject she's worried about. After hearing about Cooper's horrible death and that 44 children died last year in hot cars, you might have searched for information about it. I know I did.

"I love you Ross, I'm doing this for you."

At first that statement during her eulogy seemed really strange. What exactly is she "doing" for him? But look at the context. She called him a "wonderful father" and is clearly standing by him. She stood up there in front of 250 people with her son in a tiny casket and had the strength to give a eulogy on behalf of both of them. She talked about how much she loved Cooper, about God, about Cooper being in "the most peaceful, wonderful place there is" and about how she was relying on her faith to give her strength.

I refuse to believe the accomplice theories.

You can convince me that an individual might be sick enough to kill his or her spouse and child to run off with a mistress, but the idea of a couple trying to fix their marital problems by killing their child strains belief.

A life insurance policy is not definitive proof of motive.

Plenty of families have life insurance polices for their children and owning one is not a de facto motive for murder. In the Harris case, the $2,000 policy was issued by his employer and the $25,000 policy was purchased in 2012.

And even if Leanna Harris cashes it in, as her husband has been instructing family members to do, it doesn't prove she was involved in Cooper's death either. It just proves they've got very poor judgment on timing. But on the other hand, I'm sure the lawyer bills and other expenses are adding up and she has to pay for them somehow.

And finally, her statement at day care: "Ross must have left him in the car. There's no other explanation."

At first blush, that statement seemed suspicious, then I thought of two things: One is mother's intuition. The other is that we don't know yet if Ross had said anything to her that day, even something as cryptic as "Sorry."

The other day, my husband and I were at home and it was 12:30 in the afternoon. Both our cellphones rang at the same time. It was the school calling. We were in a meeting, so we let it go to voicemail.

Then the home phone rang: It was the school again. I turned to my husband Chris and without thinking said, "Pick it up, I bet there's a lockdown at the school." Sure enough, two first graders had seen what they thought was a man with a gun -- the school was in full lockdown and Swat teams were on site. A school shooting is my worst nightmare and I had just connected the dots unconsciously. Leanna's "worst nightmare" was leaving her son in the car -- did she just connect the dots?

I have my theories, as many people do. One day, I think Ross Harris made a tragic mistake. When you cheat on your wife, you lead a double life and that means you are even more distracted than most frazzled working parents. So distracted that you might forget your kid in the back seat as you race into work to start sexting.

If he did leave Cooper in the car by mistake, he could have realized it in the afternoon and just couldn't face what he had done. He might have panicked all afternoon -- so much so he convinced himself that getting in the car and driving to a crowded parking lot would make it look like an accident.

But then, I learn about some new detail in the case -- the Internet searches he made about #childfreelife and "surviving prison" and I mutter "I hope they fry him."

The truth is ... I don't know the truth. Only Ross Harris does. And although it is easy to speculate about the wife's involvement, let's all leave the lady alone. Until I hear all the evidence I will just continue to look at the legal issues and analyze them -- because I don't actually know what happened yet, and neither do you.

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