Notebook

VERBATIM

"He did it with such passion and with his eyes locked on me... He's the third public man to do that--Nixon and Agnew lied to me, and now Clinton."
THE REV. ROBERT SCHULLER, recalling how the President lied to him earlier this year

"I've seen a real change... He's gone from being angry at his accusers to being angry at himself."
SEN. ROBERT TORRICELLI, after meeting with the President last week

"I have no one to blame but myself for my self-inflicted wounds. But that's not what America is about."
BILL CLINTON, trying to move on, at a fund raiser in Florida

"The engines in Washington are melting! I can smell it! The energy level! The excitement! ... Something's going to happen. Is it impeachment? Resignation?"
ALAN SIMPSON, former Senator, mocking or envying current events

Sources: New York Times (3); AP (Clinton)

WINNERS

NEWT GINGRICH
History affords the devalued Speaker a chance to play statesman, restore stature

BOB DOLE
In the summer of Monicagate and Saving Private Ryan, the Bobster looks better and better

EVELYN LIEBERMAN
She emerges from the Starr report as the only White House grownup on intern patrol

& LOSERS

MONICA LEWINSKY
Exploited victim is revealed as thong flasher and lovelorn gate-crasher. The tell-all is all-told

BETTY CURRIE
The dutiful secretary turns out to be Clinton's ultimate seven-day-a-week enabler

HELEN CHENOWETH
The Idaho family-values conservative is outed as "the other woman" in old affair

Did Monica Study Lucianne Goldberg?

Lucianne Goldberg, the literary agent, provocateur and fairy godmother to the Ken Starr report, has often condemned Bill Clinton for preying on the naive intern Monica Lewinsky. But a younger Lucianne Goldberg--Goldberg the writer--is the author of a work that Lewinsky could easily have used as a guide in her frolicsome thong baring. The 1971 book, co-written with Jeannie Sakol, is a 174-page critique of feminism called Purr, Baby, Purr, in which the authors advise women to "Stop Bitching! Be a Pussycat!" by exulting in their feminine wiles.

Consider the Monica-relevance of this excerpt: "Flirting between men and women has been one of the most pleasant activities since Eve first peddled her fruit to Adam. And, as Eve found out, there's always an element of danger in flirting--which is what makes it exciting."

Another passage also resonates: "[Elizabeth] Taylor has softer skin. And rounder hips. And fuller lips. And, yes, of course, that magnificent bosom."

Purr, Baby, Purr originally sold for $5.95. In its review, the New York Times said, "Some women who feel threatened by the Libs' more outre manifestations may take comfort from the book, if they can stomach its breezy prose."

Once More, with Feeling

The Bill Clinton apology tour has kicked into high gear, yet some people remain unmoved. In the past, many famous figures underscored their contrition with a dramatic gesture. Should Clinton emulate them? Here are the pros and cons.

PENITENT
DRAMATIC GESTURE
SHOULD CLINTON EMULATE?

HUGH GRANT
After his arrest in 1995 for lewd conduct with a prostitute, he appears on the Tonight Show to confess his guilt.

Yes. Submitting to Jay's jests in person would be punishment enough for any man.

HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR HENRY IV
Regretting his power struggle with Pope Gregory VII, he shows his sorrow in 1077 by standing barefoot in the snow for three days.

While it would make a good photo op, bringing the snowmaking machinery to Washington could bust the budget.

KING HENRY II OF ENGLAND
After his loose talk leads to the murder of Thomas a Becket in 1170, he submits to flogging.

No. The Lewinsky matter is too kinky already.

OEDIPUS
Upon discovering that he has killed his father and slept with his mother, he blinds himself.

Not a good career move. Blind saxophone players are a dime a dozen.

MINAMOTO YOSHITSUNE
Japanese warrior commits seppuku after being trapped in battle in 1189.

No. He'd miss his comeback.

JIMMY SWAGGART
Weeps on TV as he confesses sinning after allegedly meeting with prostitute.

By the time you read this, he may have.

NUMBERS

36 Boxes sent to Congress by independent counsel Kenneth Starr containing his report

445 Pages in his report

119,059 Words in his report

92 Times "oral sex" is mentioned

62 Times "breast" or "breasts" is mentioned

39 Times "genitalia" is mentioned

29 Times "phone sex" is mentioned

27 Times "cigar" is mentioned

19 Times "semen" is mentioned

8 Times "bra" is mentioned

6 Times "unzipped" is mentioned

4 Times "Whitewater" is mentioned

1 Times "thong" is mentioned

61,883 Number of Web pages of the report viewed on pathfinder.com as of midnight Friday

3,177 Number of Web pages of the President's prebuttal viewed

Cover Date: September 21, 1998

• We, the jury
• An affair of state
• The chattering class should just let go
• What makes Clinton a survivor?
• What exactly are 'high crimes and misdemeanors'?
• In defense of Clinton
• Enough to impeach?
• The feminist lothario
• What the guys think: Clinton's a screw-up
• High crimes? Or just a sex cover-up?
• The shadow of her smile
• That old familiar uncharted territory
• Notebook

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