'Woo' no boost for Jada Pinkett Smith

May 23, 1998
Web posted at: 6:05 p.m. EDT (2205 GMT)

From Reviewer Paul Tatara

Jada Pinkett Smith as 'Woo'

(CNN) -- Before I get around to reviewing "Woo," let me just say that I get a big kick out of both Jada Pinkett Smith and her husband, Will Smith. Though they're the kind of commercially obsessed movie stars that normally give me a Bruce & Demi-style tummy ache, I still enjoy their particular brand of Hollywood Hills glossiness.

They positively glow on-camera, like the king and queen of the prom duded up in designer threads and bathed in bottled water. They're also affable, highly intelligent talk-show guests who display a very winning sense of humor about themselves.

After the back-to-back box office bonanzas (that's called alliteration) of "Independence Day" and "Men in Black," Will can, of course, pretty much write his own ticket in the movie biz, but, dazzling as she is, Jada still has some convincing to do. So far, the most exposure she's had has been in "The Nutty Professor," but I don't recall too many people barreling into the theater to see that one because it co-starred Jada Pinkett Smith.

Movie's a dog

So now she gets her shot at carrying a movie on her own, and it turns out to be "Woo," which stinks so bad dogs can detect it on your clothes after you've watched it. Woo, believe it or not, is the main character, manifested in Jada's spectacularly toned, ooh-girl hot body. This movie, if it's about anything at all, is about Jada struttin' her stuff big time, without mercy, take no prisoners.

In the opening sequence, the camera practically ignores her head, focusing instead on her shapely legs and tight little behind, which is pretty easy to do since she's wearing what appears to be a pink negligee while walking down 42nd Street.

Lack of exposure is no longer her problem, what with her butt getting all the best camera angles and all. The men who pass her on the street, because they're leering, salivating imbeciles, do things like fall off their bicycles while trying to see down her dress. I'm sure you can detect the richness of the screenplay already.

The plot, which could be written on a gum wrapper, is a bunch of baloney about Woo's search for her one true love. Her cross-dressing fortune teller (played by Girlina, and, no, I'm not kidding) informs her that she's about to meet Mr. Right, so she should keep her eyes peeled.

No relief from sexiness

Then Woo, because girls who look like Jada and run around in nighties can't meet men, gets fixed up on a blind date with that most hee-larious of all blind dates -- the clumsy nerd.

Woo is supposed to be a little hurricane, so full of life and sass that "average" people can't cope with her. What she actually is is a self-indulgent little tease, with an ego that would make Gore Vidal blush. The nerd, played badly by Tommy Davidson, gets belittled by Woo so many times, you actually start feeling sorry for him.

Her needless harassment of the guy is endless. She seduces him full throttle, then berates him for only having one thing on his mind when he lunges for her. She embarrasses him at a fancy restaurant, screaming at the waiter because they've been seated too close to a wall-mounted fire extinguisher. She takes him to a fancy party, then doesn't want to dance with him for ... well ... for no good reason, really.

The whole thing is rude and pathetic, more like a lengthy episode of a bad sitcom than a movie, chock full of the kind of sexual innuendoes that are guaranteed to please horny eighth-graders or people who laugh at those "Playboy" party jokes. It's directed by Daisy V.S. Mayer, in the sense that she points the camera at actors.

If the creaky timing displayed in these scenes is her idea of comedy, she might need to rethink her vocation before she's having to deal with the Wayans Brothers. David C. Johnson wrote the screenplay, in the sense that he can type.

Better luck next time, Jada. And put some clothes on, for God's sake.

"Woo," in a word, is awful. There's bad language, offensive stereotypes of both men and women and assorted sexual situations. Even watching Jada shake a tail feather gets old after a while. 80 minutes. Rated R, for sexually retarded.

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