In January, while the world heard reports of a massacre and renewed fighting in Yugoslavia, a 16-year-old girl began e-mailing her experiences of living in the middle of a war zone to Finnegan Hamill, a high school student in Berkeley, California.

We reproduce in this piece unedited excerpts of the e-mails. The radio piece that accompanies the story was produced by Youth Radio in Berkeley. The Kosovo teen is being identified by the pseudonym "Adona" for security reasons.


Hamill

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With the threat of NATO bombing and the reality of increased violence on the part of the Serbs, Finnegan says his friend's safety is more at risk than ever. And in between e-mails, there is nothing he says he can do but wait.

"At one point, I waited for several days for a response. As it turned out, her computer had crashed," he says. "But for those several days, I had no way of knowing if she had been taken in by the police, fled for safety in the mountains, or if she had been killed."

Hello, Finny. Yes, the violence is still going on. Some mysterious killings are happening. A few days ago, a man in Pristina was killed, and many people are getting killed in unknown circumstances in other towns, or at least they're unknown for me and my friends. Just a few days before, a friend of mine had her birthday. We didn't celebrate because we thought it was not right. At least a way of solidarity for so many victims. Just a few best friends gathered in her house, and we discussed about different things starting from the situation here, to school, music, boys. Some think it is not right to continue in this way while other people are getting killed.

You mention the independence of Kosovo. I don't really give such an importance to the status. I don't see this as a war for getting divided...Albanians and Serbs. Neither do I think the war has started because of nationalistic reasons or to bring new borders. While Europe is trying to take the borders off, and trying to bring globalization on, we do not need to bring new ones. We just need the rights that others have. On the schoolbag of my friend, I can read "Peace is the time between wars." At first it looked silly, but when I think deeper, it could be a logical thought as well.

Finnegan says that from the beginning of his correspondence with Adona, he has wanted to somehow make a difference in her life.

"One of her biggest fears is that she is slipping behind in her education and if the war is ever over, it will be too late for her to have a career in journalism, or whatever field she chooses."

Dear Finny,

Thank you that you offered to help me find a scholarship. I have been trying to do that for weeks now. I'm looking at the websites through Yahoo of different high schools and colleges. But I haven't found anything yet. I know I cannot go forward if I stay here...which is towards a disaster. People aren't thinking much about school and ambitions, but I am trying to keep my head somehow, in a distance from this catastrophe, and trying to plan my future.

I'll tell you more about my life and me. I love having fun and doing crazy things. I used to hang out with my friends until 11 o'clock in the evening. We were never safe in the street. But now we are not safe in our homes. I never take my i.d. card with me when I go out, because if I am stopped by the police or somebody similar to them, I just start talking in Serbian and avoid troubles. It always works out.

Tell me, what do you think about Aliens? Write to me soon.

Adona. Kosovo.

While the conflict in Kosovo has all but shut down Adona's life and her hopes for the immediate future in her own country, Finnegan says she has a surprisingly positive outlook. He says her attitude is similar to how he imagines many young people in America felt during the Vietnam War: that the older generations responsible for the conflict should be the ones to suffer the consequences, not the young and innocent who have nothing to gain.

You must think that every single cell of my brain is affected by horror movies or something. But you are wrong. My brain, my whole life is just affected by reality. And just one picture of a dead head cut body, or a three year old child massacred -- which I certainly haven't imagined -- or the news from the BBC, you would be affected too. If you were the ones to taste this bitter and cruel part of the world, you would understand me and my imagination. You would also understand the luckiness I feel for just being alive.

Adona. Kosovo.

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Part One Part Three Part Four Part Five

Editor's Note: Finnegan Hamill reported the radio piece. Adona's e-mails are narrated by Belia Mayeno-Choy.

Youth Radio is a nonprofit organization based in Berkeley. Student-produced pieces and commentaries can be heard on KQED and KCBS in San Francisco; on National Public Radio; and Pacifica National Network. Youth Radio also contributes sound online to "Digital High," a service of the San Jose Mercury News, and commentaries online to "Youth Voices," a project of Brandeis University.

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E-Mails from Kosovo, Part II

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Part One Part Three Part Four Part Five