By Thurston Hatcher
CNN
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Doing some Valentine's Day homework may pay off, as men and women long for their lovers to give gifts for the soul.
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(CNN) -- If you'd rather dismiss Valentine's Day as a phony occasion for overpriced floral arrangements and sentimental excess, do so at your peril.
Maybe February 14 doesn't set your heart a-flutter, but that special someone in your life may take it dead seriously, so you'd be wise to play it safe with a genuine Valentine's Day gesture.
But tread carefully, for the road to Valentine's Day romance is littered with Cupid's errant arrows. And in 2002, a trip to the florist may not cut it anymore.
"Giving red roses is about treating her like every other woman in the world, right?" says Gregory Godek, author of "1001 Ways to Be Romantic."
"The unspoken statement here is women are all the same. Give them roses, they'll be happy. Give her perfume and she'll be happy."
The San Diego-based expert says it's time to update our concept of romance.
"It's no longer about what I tend to term 'generic romance' -- flowers, candy, movies, dinners, chocolate, jewelry, champagne," he says. "Look, all of those things are romantic, and I occasionally give my wife roses, too. But the point is, it's not enough."
Creativity and individuality are the keys to being truly romantic, he says.
"You want to do something that touches your partner's heart? Don't give her the roses. Find out who her favorite singer is and give her the album she doesn't yet have," he says.
"Sit down and write a love letter. If you're not a good writer, borrow some words from Shakespeare or Paul McCartney. It's perfectly fine."
Also remember that some are what Godek calls object people, who favor a material symbol like, say, jewelry, while others favor an experience such as a nice dinner or a stay at a bed-and-breakfast.
Experts say there's often a gaping chasm between what people want or expect and what would-be lovers may think they want, and there's evidence to back it up.
When the online dating service Match.com asked men what they would give their partners for Valentine's Day, some 16 percent said flowers or chocolate, 14 percent favored lingerie, 3 percent said cash, and 1 percent said a household appliance.
Yet when women were asked which gift would most likely compel them to dump their mates, 22 percent said a coffee maker, 13 percent said cash, 7 percent said lingerie, and 7 percent said chocolate.
So think long and hard about what your mate needs or yearns for, and personalize it.
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Romance expert Godek says ditch the clichéd roses in 2002 and go for something more original.
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"I truly don't believe there's one perfect gift for anyone, except a perfect gift is a gift that tells me you care about me, you thought about what matters to me, and you made the extra effort to make that happen," says Trish McDermott, vice president of -- get this -- romance for Match.com.
She notes that in that survey, 63 percent of men said they would offer their mate time together on February 14, and she found that immensely encouraging.
"It's often harder to free an entire afternoon and evening than it is to pick up a dozen roses. So I'm hopeful," she said.
In the end, if you really want to get to his or her heart, Godek says, go for the eyes.
"Look into each other's eyes, and tell him or her you really love her, you really appreciate her, 'I can't imagine my life without you.' That is hard to do. It brings tears if you do it."
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