Marilyn Graman Offers Tips on How Women Can Establish Meaningful RelationshipsAired February 14, 2000 - 2:48 p.m. ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
NATALIE ALLEN, CNN ANCHOR: Well if all this matrimonial activity we've been showing you today has you antsy to walk down the aisle, we have some Valentine's Day advice on finding true love -- you knew we would do this eventually.
Marilyn Graman is founder of Life Works, which offers courses on how to live a full and rewarding life, including establishing meaningful relationships. And she joins us from New York.
Hello, Marilyn, and happy Valentine's Day to you.
MARILYN GRAMAN, FOUNDER, LIFE WORKS: And happy Valentine's Day to you.
ALLEN: Thanks so much.
I thought it interesting that -- you're pretty much a miracle guru now, but I found it interesting that you say you learned much about what you know about human beings from being a kindergarten teacher for 12 years. Explain that to us.
GRAMAN: Well, 5-year-olds don't hide what their problems and issues are and speak very readily about what bothers them. And by the time we're adults we've got so many defenses, ways to hide ourselves, that we seem to be mysteries to ourselves and each other. But 5-year- olds speak very directly, so I was able to understand people really well.
GRAMAN: And we're just larger 5-year-olds in many ways, as adult as we think we are.
ALLEN: OK, well tell us adult 5-year-olds, what are some things that you picked up from people in working with adults who, say, wanted to be married and find a spouse and they couldn't do that. What did you pick up that you realized, hey, there's something I should do here, I should teach a course on this?
GRAMAN: Well, I worked with many women who weren't having what they wanted. And I realized that after questioning them there were some hidden conversations -- or at least that's what we call them -- things that were in their way that they didn't know about, based on past experiences, broken hearts, things that happened to them in their childhood things that happened to them on relationships with men. And unfortunately when a women doesn't have what she wants, she starts thinking that there's something wrong with her. She may secretly have that thought, but she starts thinking there's something wrong with her. And absolutely not.
It's a sign of the times to have relationship issues, whether you're within a relationship or outside of one.
ALLEN: So tell us how this course works and how long is this course? And is there a guarantee that you'll find a compatible mate after you graduate from your course?
GRAMAN: The course is a 6-month course, and we do 276 hours of personal attention, both done in group -- in the whole group of women together, the women have personal coaching or guiding, as we call it, and then we have research inside themselves to see what it is that they are resisting.
There are all kinds of resistances that the modern woman has, having everything to do with not wanting to have the marriage that their mother had to the wonder of how they're going to have a husband, family a life of their own. And so we slow the whole process down and do some really lovely, soft hand-holding in a very mature, adult way, and really slow then down, make sure that they're meeting the men that they want to be with, that they are spending time with men that would make them happy over the long term. Because a great deal of what happens in relationships that don't work is the selection. We are helping women clean out their history, which means clean out their closets, put old love letters in the corner so that they're not distracted by them and really be ready for a new person to come into their life.
ALLEN: And what's your success rate after this course?
GRAMAN: We have cards and letters constantly coming into our office, wedding invitation and letters that say that they are -- the women are sure that they wouldn't be having what they wanted if it wasn't for being in touch with us for some period of time -- and baby announcements and baby pictures, which of course, is the result of that union.
ALLEN: And I also notice that some women take the course and realize they don't want to be married.
GRAMAN: That's one of the possibilities, and I would consider that a success, because a lot of time and energy is pout into this desire to have a marriage and not have one. And if a women at the end of the course feels that she's really not interested, then I think she's done something really good for herself.
ALLEN: Are many of the people that come to you, have they already been married? Are they young women, as you say, fit the mold of someone who's very confused about having it all?
GRAMAN: The women that we attract are over 30-years-old usually and are as old as 50, maybe 55. And about half of them have been married, half have not. The women who are very successful in their careers are just now waking up to the fact that they need to spend more time and energy in researching their man, and they need to put about as much time and energy in that as the career they have so well developed.
ALLEN: And finally, as we go, I want you to go give us a few quick tips if you can...
ALLEN: ... to help women out there who can't take your course. I know one of them is, don't choose someone who is just like your last worst relationship.
GRAMAN: That's exactly right. We all have some patterns, and we keep on picking men who are very, very similar. And they look different, but in the end they do the same thing. And there are ways to research whether or not a man is like your old pattern, and that we work on discovering why your pattern exists and to slow down the process and really to interview a man and get to know him fully and deeply before you make all kinds of decisions for the rest of your life. And also to examine your desire to be married, because I think we are very complicated, we women, in that there is often a part of us that wants to be married and a part of us that has resistances. And those resistances need to be discovered.
ALLEN: Marilyn Graman, thank you so much. Good luck with your course in helping women out there find the right course.
GRAMAN: Thank you.
TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com
|CLICK HERE FOR TODAY'S TOPICS AND GUESTS|
CLICK HERE FOR CNN PROGRAM SCHEDULES
|Back to the top||
© 2001 Cable News Network. All Rights Reserved.|
Terms under which this service is provided to you.
Read our privacy guidelines.