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Can Islam Be Reformed?; Iran Holds Holocaust Denier Conference

Aired December 11, 2006 - 19:00:00   ET


GLENN BECK, HOST: Coming up, controversy in a Pennsylvania church. One parishioner calls Islam a clear and present danger to America. Inflamed views on all sides. Can we stop another holy war?
And `tis the season. The commercialization of Christmas and the most ridiculous gifts you`ve ever seen. That and more coming up next.


ANNOUNCER: Tonight`s episode is brought to you by Glenn Beck`s We`re All Gonna Die Christmas ornaments. Trim your tree with President Tom, Kim Jong-Il and, for a limited time, the baby Muqtada al- Sadr. Glenn Beck`s We`re All Gonna Die Christmas ornaments, the perfect gift for someone you hate.


G. BECK: Hello from beautiful Tampa, Florida, where the sunshine is wreaking havoc on my creamy, delicate skin. We`ve got two of our Christmas performances sold out in the next couple of days. We`ll be here for a couple of days.

I want to start with a parishioner in Pennsylvania. He`s a parishioner at the Milford Bible Church. He`s been handing out flyers to the congregation which say that Islam is a clear and present danger and that Christians are in danger from the spread of the doctrines of Islam.

Now, no matter what I`m about to say, you know, and tell you my story and my views about it, somebody is going to be hacked off with me. But nonetheless, here we go.

Here is the point tonight. While I understand this man`s fear, and I appreciate his attempt to wake people up, I believe he is grossly misguided in handing out these flyers, because it is not the doctrines of Islam that people should be worried about, but the extremists who are twisting those doctrines into a license to kill.

Let me say it clearly. Islam, I believe, is not evil. A vast majority of Muslims are peace loving, God fearing and law abiding people who just want to go about their lives just like you and me. However, Islam has been hijacked by evil, and it is important for Americans to understand how and why this is happening.

Here`s how I got there. After 9/11, I scared my producers half to death when I told them I was going to do my homework on Islam. I needed to determine whether or not it was, in fact, evil. Now here`s why they were frightened, because somebody in my position, I`d be attacked by people if I said that it wasn`t evil; I`d be attacked by other people who, you know, wouldn`t want me to say it was evil. The forces of political correctness would have shut me down.

More importantly, my producers knew that if I really, truly believed that Islam was evil, I`d tell you about it. And I`d tell you about it every single night. No matter how bad the consequences are, we must face the truth.

I`ll never forget the terrified look on Stu, my radio producer`s face, when I told him, "All right. I`ve made my decision. I`m going to announce it today." It had take me about a year, but I came to my conclusion after reading the Koran cover to cover. I had traveled to the Middle East. I had gone to mosques. I had met with Muslims from all walks of life. I looked at both sides of it.

And after prayerful reflection, I came to the realization that, just like every other religion, or even the Internet, Islam can be used for good or evil. It is the individual people that make the difference.

I believe that a tiny minority of Muslims, about 10 percent, are a danger to you and your children and to me and mine. I`m not talking about the neighbor down the street or the colleague. Maybe.

But mainly I`m talking about the people like the people in Iran that are currently running the country who are holding up Holocaust deniers conventions. I`m talking about the Muslims in the Gaza that killed three Palestinian children today when trying to assassinate one of their own.

So while good Muslims are the overwhelming majority, it`s the evil ones who are hijacking Islam for their own twisted purposes.

The only way to defeat this growing threat of radicalized Islam is to do what Christianity did when it reached its pivot point: to undergo a reformation. The good Muslims need to stand up and say, "I want my religion back!" When that happens around the world, the war on terror will finally be over.

I want you to know, I`m not picking on Islam; nor am I defending it. I just believe it is important to understand what is going on and to understand the fact that Christianity also has been used for great evil in the name of God during the dark ages. That`s when Christianity had its reformation.

Islam`s greatest opportunity to have a reformation happens right here, the best opportunity is with good Muslims here in America. They need to stand up and call for a reformation that will bring the radical Muslims out of the 15th century.

So here`s what I know tonight. Like it or not, Islam is not evil. However, a small percentage of Muslims are off the charts evil. It is these Muslims that need to be stopped, preferably by other people in the Muslim community.

Here`s what I don`t know. Will a reformation of Islam ever happen? Or will good Muslims stay asleep at the wheel because of apathy, denial or fear and not demand their religion back?

Kamal Nawash, he is the president of the Free Muslims Coalition and the former legal director of the American Arab Anti-discrimination Committee. W

Kamal, will there ever be a reformation in Islam?

KAMAL NAWASH, PRESIDENT, FREE MUSLIMS COALITION: Absolutely. I think you`d actually be surprised to know that the issue of reformation is often discussed by a whole bunch of Muslims.

But the -- at the end of the day, the issue of reformation is really an internal Muslim discussion it certainly needs to have. We certainly support it; a lot of Muslims support it.

But I think what you`re interested in Glenn, is to understand why -- why this -- the growth of extremism? Why this radicalism that`s rising? And I think this comes from something much simpler than that.

Over the last 20 or 25 years, we have seen a rise in what I call political Islam. And that is -- that is a political ideology or that`s mixed with religion that rejects secularism, rejects the secular state, based on the belief that religion and politics must be mixed and that the state should enforce God`s rules.

The problem with that -- with this type of ideology is history has shown us, as you`ve mentioned in Europe and so on, these types of government where government takes it upon themselves to enforce God`s rules, they never work. They`re inherently compulsive, inherently unfair, inherently unjust. And if you are -- even if you`re a benevolent person, if you believe that what you`re doing is somehow furthering the will of God, you tend to justify a lot of things, a lot of bad things.

G. BECK: Sure. We have this -- if you look back in history with the Christians, we had the same exact situation with Constantine. That`s -- I mean that`s why he cobbled everybody together. He was trying to build an army for political purposes.

But let me ask you this, because this is where I think most Americans are. They see Islam, they know Muslims. They say, you know what? You know, I know a Muslim and he`s a nice guy and everything else. But they`re not sure, because people won`t stand up.

In 2005, you held a march against terror, and let`s be honest, not a lot of people showed up. Why? You`re a Muslim. Explain it.

NAWASH: It`s very easy. Because after 9/11, unfortunately, unfortunately many of the Muslim organizations in this country, rather than recognize that we have is a problem with extremism and trying to deal with it, since we are the only ones who can deal with it, instead they took the role of victimization and took the role of saying -- of calling anyone who notices the obvious, that we have a problem with extremism, they accuse that person of being anti-Islam if they mention that.

I think human beings in general would rather talk about how the world is against them, as opposed to talk about hey, we need to look inward. We have a problem.

And a good example of this, if you remember a year or so ago, the controversy that erupted with Bill Cosby when he told, in an African- American audience, he said, "Look, you know, we have an issue with out of wed babies and all that kind of stuff." And many of the mainstream African-Americans attacked him. They would rather someone like Al Sharpton, who says, hey, the man is against us, the world is against us, than saying, hey, we have a problem.

G. BECK: I only have about 20 seconds. And it`s so good to hear a Muslim voice like yours say these things. But let me -- let me boil it down to this. You don`t have your name of your organization on the buildings that you`re in. You`re afraid yourself. People have called you the Martin Luther, possibly, of Islam. But you`re afraid as well, aren`t you?

NAWASH: Look, the only person I`m afraid of is my ex-girlfriend.

Hey, look, obviously when you do -- when you do this kind of stuff, I certainly don`t want bin Laden coming knocking on my door.

G. BECK: Sure.

NAWASH: I`m a conservative Muslim. I do this because I love my religion, and I appreciate everything you said earlier, Glenn. I agree with you. I think we do have a problem right now, and only Muslims can solve this. And I call on other Muslims to stand up and be louder in attacking these extremists.

G. BECK: Sir, I -- so refreshing to hear your voice. And we will have you back. Thank you very much.

NAWASH: Thank you.

G. BECK: Coming up, day one of the Holocaust conference in Iran kicking off with two days of debate whether or not it actually even happened. I`ll save you some time, guys. Read "Schindler`s List".

And the PC police strikes again, this time yanking all the Christmas trees out of the Seattle airport. My report on the war on Christmas. I promise you, it`s different than anybody else`s. That`s in tonight`s "Real Story".

Also, on the off chance your family doesn`t consider you gift enough, I`ll show you some things to pick up that are sure to remind them the holidays are more than just stuff. Don`t miss it. Coming up.



G. BECK: "While divine providence has placed Iran and the United States geographically very far apart, we should be cognizant that human values and our human spirit, which proclaim the dignity and exalted worth of all human beings," except those we stone to death in the public square, "have brought our two great nations, Iran and the United States, closer together.

"Both our nations are God fearing, truth loving, justice seeking. And both seek dignity, respect, and production." OK, this is why this is 12 pages. This is the 12th page, because he keeps going on. And he keeps making the same point over and over and over again.

Mahmoud, you need to learn one thing about America. We`re riddled with ADD. Get to the point!


G. BECK: I got to tell you, honestly, I don`t know if they could find a guy who looks more like the devil than Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

He`s at it again. In an effort today to explore the validity of the Nazi Holocaust, Iran has kicked of a two-day conference today with close to 70 revisionist historians, Holocaust deniers, to attend.

This story may seem totally ridiculous, because we all know there was a Holocaust, and it did happen. It is the most horrific crime that has been committed against humanity, and there is over 60 years of gruesome, irrefutable evidence to back that up.

But it`s too easy to deny this and dismiss this story as just a crazy move by a bunch of nuts on the other side of the planet. It`s not. These people are deadly serious.

After Iran looks into the Holocaust, they`re also planning on exploring possible past acts of genocide by Europeans against the Native Americans, Africans and Palestinians.

Ahmadinejad may be crazy, but he is not stupid. It is obvious that he is planning something working towards a justification of further acts of violence and hatred.

Where`s the global outrage? It`s not there. You see U.N. Secretary Kofi -- Secretary-General Kofi Annan gave his farewell address today. Now, he could have condemned Iran. But no, no, no. Kofi Annan decided he`d rather take a few last shots at the United States.

Hey, Kofi Annan, ba-bye. Miss you. Not so much.

It`s hard to be offended by the remarks of such an incompetent leader of such a useless organization. We have nobody, it would seem, to depend on but ourselves. The United States seems to be almost all that`s standing in Iran`s way.

Unless we take this Holocaust conference as serious and yet another glaring sign that Iran is the new face of evil on earth, they`ll be allowed to develop unchecked into such a ruthless force of destruction, I fear they`re going to make the Nazis look tame by comparison.

Rabbi Marvin Hier, he is the founder of the Simon Wiesenthal Center in Los Angeles. They`re holding a counter-conference now to the one taking place in Tehran.

Rabbi, six decades irrefutable fact being debated in Iran today and tomorrow. What do you suppose the motivation is behind that?

RABBI MARVIN HIER, FOUNDER, SIMON WIESENTHAL CENTER: Well, it`s absolutely astounding. I think it`s motivation. He`s looking to be the leader of the 1.3 billion Muslim. That`s his constituency.

He`s saying to them, "Forget Mubarak, forget King Abdullah. I`m the man. I hate America. I`m confronting Israel. I want to destroy Israel. Now I want to say that the Holocaust is a myth. I have a conference. I`ve invited, as you pointed out some 67 revisionists to debunk the Holocaust. And I`m your man."

And it`s very dangerous, because you know in World War II Jews lived in a large geography of Europe, but it didn`t stop Hitler. Today with Ahmadinejad attempting to get nuclear weapons, more than five million Jews live in a tiny place called Israel. So it should be taken very seriously.

And it`s -- as you pointed out, where are the world leaders? This is an event that every world leader, the German chancellor, the secretary- general of the United Nations, the pope, all of the presidents and leaders of the Arab world should say enough is enough. The Holocaust is an historic fact. And we`re embarrassed by this conference.

G. BECK: OK. You know, I spoke to Benjamin Netanyahu just recently. And he said to me, Glenn, a Holocaust of global proportions, a global Holocaust is coming. How in the -- I don`t think I can even relate. How does it feel to be a Jew?

HIER: Well, let me say this, Glenn. You know, looking at the faces of the Holocaust survivors in three cities -- we had a video conference today -- they`re horrified. Some of them were crying outside. They never imagined 65 years after Auschwitz to have to come and prove to the world that there was an Auschwitz. This is quite amazing.

G. BECK: But Rabbi...

HIER: If the world -- and if you wouldn`t be a head of state, you know, he`s not like some kind of -- a member of the KKK or a neo-Nazi. He is the head of a state seeking to acquire nuclear weapons.

G. BECK: Right. But I`m not asking -- because, first of all, it`s got to be such a slap in the face to anybody who`s survived the Holocaust in the first place. But I don`t mean necessarily what`s it feel like to be a Jew who survived it. I mean, to know that this is all starting up again. Here we go. If you just open your eyes, it`s so clear the trains are coming again.

HIER: Well, it`s certainly -- all the evidence is there. You know, Hitler didn`t start his activities in 1939. His speeches were delivered from 1919, but the world didn`t pay any attention.

Ahmadinejad, there`s one thing we can`t fault him. He`s letting us know exactly where he stands, making it quite public. And the question is, where is the world?

G. BECK: Yes, you know, I -- obviously with the last name Beck, I`m of German descent. My forbearers came over to the United States in the 1800s. But when I was about 30 I went back to school. I was trying to understand, you know, the world and everything else. And I went back and I read "Mein Kampf", because I wanted to know if my people, my family members that might still be over in Germany knew in advance.

It was so clear, if you read "Mein Kampf". It is just as clear as it is today, but nobody seems to want to pay attention to it.

HIER: That`s why I think it`s important to confront this man every time he utters a phrase. Whether denying the Holocaust, destroying Israel, he needs to be confronted. And I`m surprised that the secretary-general in his final remarks didn`t put this into his speech.

G. BECK: I`m not.

Rabbi, best of luck to you. Thank you very much, sir.

We`ll be back in just a minute.


G. BECK: Well, I`m out here in Tampa today and tomorrow for my Christmas comedy tour. And it`s so weird. Everywhere I go, people always ask me the same question: what my life is like when I`m doing the radio, then television and the stage show? Do I live on nothing but McGriddles? Pretty much. Do I practice my hate-speech in the bathroom? And most importantly, do I really have a wife named Tania?

Brent Hunsaker, he is from KTVX in Salt Lake City, he decided to take a firsthand look at my daily grind. And as you`ll see, my life for me, just like everybody else`s, it`s a balancing act.


G. BECK: Nothing I make ever really tastes the same.

BRENT HUNSAKER, KTVX CORRESPONDENT (voice-over): Glenn Beck is getting in touch with his inner cook.

G. BECK: Sometimes it`s really good. And sometimes, woo.

HUNSAKER: It`s one of the rituals he uses to keep it real.

G. BECK: We may be having cereal in about an hour.

HUNSAKER: In his sanctuary, only the family matters.

G. BECK: I come from a workaholic family. I don`t know how to play. And Tania helps me.

TANIA BECK, GLENN`S WIFE: We just cherish the weekends.

HUNSAKER: That`s because during the week he sees precious little of his family. Glenn leaves in the dark for the drive into New York City.

It`s radio in the morning, television in the afternoon.

G. BECK: I`m a conservative. Get over it.

HUNSAKER: He could save some time on the commute by living in the city. In fact, Glenn once dreamed that his sanctuary would come with a view of Central Park.

G. BECK: It was my wife. We live out here because my wife, she`s like, we`re not raising our kids in New York City, no.

HUNSAKER: Even as construction workers begin to heal the physical wound of 9/11, Beck believes New York remains a prime target.

G. BECK: How grateful I am to be able to know that, if something happens, that I don`t have to worry about them.

Every day you just walk on the edge. In this world -- oh, the days when I just told jokes.

I`m a clown, I`m a freaking clown.

ANNOUNCER: This is the Glenn Beck program.

HUNSAKER: But occasionally what he says to get a laugh gets him in trouble.

(on camera) You ever just want to just slap him upside the head?

T. BECK: Oh, yes.

G. BECK: Let me tell you something. There ain`t nothing better than looking at a hot naked chick.

T. BECK: A lot of times. From my mom, who at this point should know better than to call me. But she always calls. "Will you tell your husband"...

HUNSAKER (voice-over): In trouble not only with his mother-in-law, but also with the folks in his LDS ward.

G. BECK: I was surprised when I got into the baptismal font. I was surprised that the water didn`t boil.

I`ve got to tell you...

HUNSAKER: And then there`s the Tania voice.

G. BECK: I just think he`s so wonderful.

HUNSAKER (on camera): That`s not even close.

G. BECK: I know. That`s what makes it so great.

T. BECK: This is usually where I would hit him, but...

G. BECK: She wants no record of it.

T. BECK: Right.

HUNSAKER (voice-over): But all is forgiven over a breakfast of French toast topped with bananas a la Beck. For the weekend, anyway, Glenn`s media alter ego is forgotten, along with the world and its troubles.


BECK: Tune in tomorrow for Glenn gets a prostate exam. No, seriously, believe it or not, there`s more.

When we come back, "The Real Story" behind the war on Christmas. Is the Grinch winning? Don`t go away.


BECK: All right. Welcome to "The Real Story".

Last week, I read you a few speeches that Winston Churchill gave just before the outbreak of World War II. And at that point in history, people still thought that talks and appeasement would work, that war could be avoided, kind of like what we feel like now.

But Churchill knew better. Unfortunately, by speaking out, Churchill`s friends and colleagues almost all but abandoned him. So today, as we face the same questions, the same challenges as we did back then, I`ve been asking for a while: Would any of today`s leaders dare stand up and speak out, risking that same kind of abandonment, risking their political careers?

I`m happy to report today the answer is yes. The real story is that there is a leader willing to say what nobody wants to hear. These next few quotes are from a speech he recently gave on the floor of the U.S. Senate called, "The Gathering Storm of the 21st Century."

Here they are: "The war is at our doorstep, and it is fueled literally and figuratively by the evils of Islamic fascism. The rest of the world sits and hopes that we can negotiate our way out of this problem, that since we`re people of reason and rational folks, we can deal with them on that level. Have we forgotten our history? We have seen this situation before."

And he continued, "If we learned anything from the 20th century, it should be this lesson: When leaders say they`re prepared to kill millions of people to achieve their goal, we must take them at their word. The enemy before us has said it clearly, repeatedly, and pointedly."

He concluded then by making the same plea I have made for so long: "This is America`s hour. This is the hour we need leadership, Churchillian leadership, who have a keen eye for the enemy and a resolve, in spite of the political climate, to confront it. I ask my colleagues to stand and make this America`s finest hour."

Unfortunately, these quotes are from Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum`s farewell speech. He gave it just a few days ago. That should tell you all you need to know about why there aren`t more leaders standing up and speaking out. When you do, you lose your job. People don`t want to hear this message. Sadly, I don`t think Winston Churchill could get elected in Pennsylvania today.

Next, `tis the season to be jolly, right? Yes, not so much, especially if you live in my old stomping grounds of Washington State. In a mean and spiteful move not seen since the days of Scrooge, all the Christmas trees have been removed from the Seattle Tacoma International Airport. City officials thought it was better to remove them than to add a giant menorah to the holiday display.

The real story is -- no, I`m sorry. The real sad story is: There`s a war on Christmas happening. Yes, it is. But it is the war on the meaning of Christmas, I believe, that everybody`s missing.

First, according to the airport spokesperson, they took down those Christmas trees in an effort to be thoughtful and respectful. After consulting with the lawyers -- ah, don`t you just love Christmas traditions, like consulting with attorneys? -- airport officials decided that adding the menorah would have required adding symbols for other religions and cultures. And since the holidays are the busiest season in the airport, the staff didn`t have time to play cultural anthropologists.

It`s Christmas, for the love of Christ. This is one of those stories that fills me with more sadness than anger, really. Celebrating one`s faith isn`t a rejection of other faiths. I can`t figure out why the lines always seem to get drawn this way every single year.

Political correctness has our society saying meaningless things like, "Happy holidays," instead of meaningful ones like, "Merry Christmas." So what if you`re not Christian? Is it so terrible that I want to wish you the happiness that I have found at the time of the year that`s most sacred to me?

As you know, I`m on tour right now with my live Christmas comedy show. The whole point of the tour is, "What is Christmas really all about?" We`ve got this season so twisted up in our country, we don`t even know anymore. We spend our days in courtrooms arguing about Christmas trees versus menorahs and in shopping malls trying to buy the Christmas spirit.

This Christmas season -- listen to this -- just this year we will spend over $10 billion on gifts, $10 billion. Come December 26th, I`ll bet you, if you`re like me, you`re going to feel as empty inside as all the boxes scattered under the tree, if that was the meaning of Christmas. Why? Because it`s not what the season is all about.

A lot of us, even those of us who try really hard to keep things in perspective this time of year, have forgotten what the real meaning of Christmas is. If you`re really religious, you think it`s about the birth of the baby. You know what? I don`t think it is.

To me, Christmas is not about the birth of the baby. It`s about what that baby grew up to become, how he decided to live his life, and the choices and the sacrifices he made in the end. To me, Christmas all points to the redemption, the redeeming power of that man. It`s about starting over.

And you know what? Me, personally, as a recovering alcoholic, that`s the best gift anybody could ever give you. Instead of going to the mall or arguing over menorahs versus Christmas trees, use the real meaning of the season to start over. Wipe your slate clean. Be who you really are, not just who you`ve allowed yourself to become.

The ability to start fresh is the real message that people should celebrate and give thanks for, no matter what faith you`re in.

Jean Staeheli, she is the author of "Unplug the Christmas Machine: Complete Guide to Putting Love and Joy Back into the Season."

Jean, Seattle`s story, sad or angry for you?

JEAN STAEHELI, AUTHOR, "UNPLUG THE CHRISTMAS MACHINE": Well, I think it`s sad. I agree with everything that you`ve just said. I think we`ve gotten far away from the initial meaning of Christmas. There was a time when Christmas was a very simple family celebration, where people had the opportunity to give a little something to their children, give a little something to the people who had served them well during the year. And now, this year, we`re going to spend $37 billion wishing each other a merry Christmas.

BECK: It`s truly amazing to me. You know what? I said to my wife -- and I feel like the biggest Grinch in the world -- I said to my wife this year, "I`m so sick of the lists of people you have to give presents to." It`s turning into nothing more than merchandising, isn`t it?

STAEHELI: Well, it`s true. But, you know, the good news is that doesn`t have to be that way. It`s only that way if we`re complicit with the machine. I mean, you know, the machine has a great goal of getting us to spend as much as we can, and I have to say that it looks like it`s working.

BECK: Yes.

STAEHELI: But each of us can make a personal decision to decide not to do that.

BECK: I tell you, Jean, I feel like such a bad dad in today`s society. I want to get my 2-year-old son boxes. I want to get him a washer and a dryer box. I do. He loves them. And you say that to people and they`re like, "What? You`re getting him a what?" Look, he plays with Tupperware, wooden spoons, and he loves boxes. What`s wrong with that?

STAEHELI: I think there`s everything right with that.

BECK: Yes.

STAEHELI: We did a lot of investigation about how children go through the holidays, what they really need and what they really want. And what we discovered is we have trained them to ask for things for Christmas. We say, "What do you want for Christmas?" We don`t say, "What would you like to do for Christmas?"

Children don`t remember what they got last year for Christmas. If you doubt that, ask any child you know, "What did you get for Christmas last year?" They won`t be able to tell you.

What they want is relaxed, good, fun times with their parents. They want traditions that are the same from year to year. And they want a gift or two to make it fun. If it`s Tupperware, so much the better.

BECK: I remember one of my favorite Christmas memories is sitting with the family, and my grandparents in particular, and playing Monopoly all the way into the wee hours of the morning. It was either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I can`t tell you a thing I got that Christmas.

STAEHELI: That is perfect. And, you know, you`re like most children. For most children, that would be the case.

You know, when you went out and you fed the horses, when you went sledding, when Uncle Bob came and he fell on the porch, those are the things that kids remember.

And so I think each parent has an obligation and a right to say, "I`m going to take back Christmas this year. I am not going to let the commercialism fill the vacuum. We`re going to have traditions; we`re going to talk with each other; we`re going to do the things that we enjoy." And, you know, there are a lot of people who are doing that.

BECK: Yes, I`ll tell you, I`ve got to get my son a box, no matter what anybody says. However, I`ve changed my answer. When people say, "What are you going to get your son?" I`m saying I`m getting him a Sony PlayStation 3 box.


Thanks a lot, Jean. That is the "Real Story" tonight. And if you`d like to read more about this or if you`ve found a real story of your own and you`d like to tell us about it, please visit and click on the "Real Story" button.



BECK: ... the nativity be thrown out of a holiday fair in Chicago. The city says, "Enough is enough with this Christmas stuff. You can celebrate the holiday, but not Christmas." What holiday would you be celebrating? Well, whatever holiday, just no, no, no, no, not Christmas.


BECK: I have to tell you, I am hoping that America`s riddled with ADD like I am. Remember that last segment a few minutes ago when I talked about how commercialized Christmas has become? Forget about it. Forget it.

You see, as a cable news host, it is my responsibility to offer balanced and unobjective look at the issues. Not so much. So even if I think that the country wastes entirely too much money on gifts, it is still -- darn it -- my duty as a not-a -journalist kind of guy to tell you what gifts you should spend your money on.

Joining me now with the hottest gifts this holiday season, Brian Sack. Hello, Brian.

BRIAN SACK, PUBLIC VIEWER: Hi, Glenn, how are you?

BECK: Very good.

SACK: Merry Christmahanzakwanzica.

BECK: Yes, right back at you.

SACK: Thank you, sir.

BECK: Merry Ramahanikwansmas.

SACK: So I`ve got a lot of gifts. We`ll just run right through these, if you don`t mind.

BECK: Let`s go. Yes, let`s go.

SACK: This is the Melitta Smart Mill & Brew Coffee Maker. Now, what this does, it`s the world`s first coffeemaker that actually gives you a three-day weather forecast, Glenn. So if you like to have Half and Half in a thunderstorm or if it`s snowing and you want to know how much creamer to add, this is the coffeemaker for you.

BECK: OK, that`s not bad if you`re living up north.

SACK: Exactly.

BECK: Yes, good, you`ve got to go through some snowstorms.

SACK: I like to coordinate my coffee with the weather.

BECK: Sure.

SACK: Now, this is Baby Alive by Hasbro. And this is not just an ordinary doll, Glenn. This is a doll that eats green goo that comes with it, OK? And you feed the doll. See, it`s delicious stuff. And then, sure enough, you wait a few seconds. And, just like a real baby, Glenn, poopsies. You`ve got some poopsies there.

BECK: Oh, my gosh. Why would you want that?

SACK: I`d get several of those, and then you go buy some diapers and keep up with the...

BECK: Kids, kids, if you want that, come to my place. I got two in diapers. You can enjoy Baby Alive any time you want.

SACK: Now, Glenn...

BECK: Oh, boy.

SACK: ... this may look like an ordinary pair of sunglasses to you. But, in fact, I just snapped a picture of you without you knowing it.

BECK: Holy cow.

SACK: Yes, this is a digital spy camera from Spy Gear. And there`s a tiny hidden camera here on the glasses that you`d never notice.

BECK: I would never -- I didn`t notice that at all.

SACK: And also, speaking of spying, we`ve got -- remember the good, old days of communism?

BECK: Yes.

SACK: Well, we`ve got the commie self-adhesive mustache and beard kit. Now, you know, a lot of folks want to become communists but they don`t want to wait to grow the mustache and beard.

BECK: Sure.

SACK: What this does is this allows you to very quickly become a Leninist or a Trotskyist or somebody with bad adhesive. And see, that is good stuff.

BECK: That works.

SACK: Do you like that? Are you convinced?

BECK: It was made in a communist country or Vermont, I`m not sure.

SACK: Made in Moldavia or some place.

BECK: Yes, yes.

SACK: Moving onto other great ideas, now, this is the ceramic smoking baby. And what you do here is you light the baby`s cigarette like a normal baby`s cigarette, but it`s incense, actually.

BECK: You do not.

SACK: And what it does is it gives off a great smell, which is much better than the typical baby-smoking smell.

BECK: Where do you get that?

SACK: That is from the Archie McPhee catalog, actually, thank you very much.

BECK: And who do you buy that for?

SACK: Also, speaking of, you know, folks who maybe might be lonely and stuff...

BECK: Sure.

SACK: ... this is the boyfriend arm pillow. You know, maybe the boyfriend`s out of town. Maybe you don`t have a boyfriend. Well, you just put this pillow in bed, you cuddle up with it, wrap the arm around you, and it`s like being with someone who loves you.

BECK: Wow, as seen around Cindy Sheehan.

SACK: Exactly.

BECK: Right.

SACK: And then, Glenn, you know the fruit of the month club, the wine of the month club-type things.

BECK: Sure, yes.

SACK: Well, there`s a great one from the Grateful Palate, and that would be the bacon of the month club. What you get, Glenn, is a pound of bacon...

BECK: Wait a minute. I love this.

SACK: ... a slab of bacon every month and for a year, or until your heart stops.

BECK: You know what? You know what I like about that one, Brian?


BECK: There`s a company that will definitely wish you merry Christmas when you order.

SACK: That`s true, exactly. They have a certain kind of clientele that eats that kind of stuff.

BECK: I mean, you know, we pretty much know who`s ordering that, big, fat Christians like me.

SACK: I wanted to warn you about something, Glenn. This is what I call the "Sack Attack" consumer alert. I want to warn you about a certain DVD that`s going around. It`s the "Glenn Beck Midlife Crisis Tour" DVD. And it`s a hastily assembled bunch of segments from the "Glenn Beck Midlife Crisis Show."

BECK: No, I don`t know what you`re saying. We worked a long time on that.

SACK: Well, you know, I can`t really recommend it to folks.

BECK: Sure, it`s excellent. It`s very funny.

SACK: It`s a very dangerous gift. And also, this is extremely alarmist and bothers me. It`s the Glenn Beck "We`re All Gonna Die" alarmist t-shirt.

BECK: Right, available at Now, hey, by the way...

SACK: Yes, sir.

BECK: You didn`t bring in the best one did you? You didn`t bring in the little Christmas ornament, "Baby`s Last Christmas"?

SACK: No, I didn`t.

BECK: I loved that one.

SACK: What is this Christmas of which you speak?

BECK: "Baby`s Last Christmas." It`s got a little baby running away from the mushroom cloud. It says "Baby`s Last Christmas." It`s guaranteed to get every man in America hit by their wife.

SACK: Now, what is Christmas?

BECK: I said -- I`m sorry. Happy Harmonica.

SACK: Oh, thank you.

BECK: Yes, you`re welcome. Brian, thanks a lot. We`ll be back with your mail here in just a second. Stand by.


BECK: All right. Let`s get right to the e-mail, with Carl in Brooklyn. He writes, "Glenn, do you have your tickets to the Iranian Holocaust Conference? I just got mine on eBay. They`re in the third row of the mezzanine on the right with a partially obstructed view. I guess the `Death to Israel` sign is in the way. Hope to see you there."

Oh, I`m sure it`s going to be a lot of fun. But sorry to say, I`m going to miss out, Carl. For all of you people who think that Iran is going to help us secure Iraq and deal in honest and fair negotiations with the U.S., think about the fact that they`re now essentially holding a tea party for Holocaust deniers, yet they`ve also taken the time to ban YouTube.

So the Iranian government is happy for you to see video similar to this...


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE (through translator): Rasmallah, do you know the Jews?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE (through translator): Yes.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE (through translator): Do you like them?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE (through translator): No.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE (through translator): Why don`t you like them?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE (through translator): Because.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE (through translator): Because they are what?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE (through translator): They are apes and pigs.


BECK: ... but they`re absolutely -- under no circumstances do they want you to see video like these. You`ve got the lady falls down trap door, teenager hits banana with bat, fat lady goes parasailing, and weird kid dances. OK, we could get -- OK, that`s just disturbing. We can get rid of that one.

Let me ask you: Does a guy that allows hate speech and bans the kid dancing sound like someone who we`re going to be able to have a rational, values-based conversation with?

Randy in Minneapolis writes, "Glenn, we need to stop trying to rid the world of WMDs and instead focus on the real threat to our society: celebrities driving while hammered."

Yes, Nicole Richie is just the latest among the celebrity DUIers. She was spotted driving the wrong way on the freeway. "The Smoking Gun" says that, according to police records, not only has Richie apparently shrunk an inch and gone from white to black since her last arrest, she`s also dropped another five pounds, weighing in at -- get this -- a voluptuous and curvy 85 pounds.

Honestly, I think maybe we should give Nicole a break here. Her body is about as tolerant of alcohol as Mel Gibson is of Jews. She could have had half a beer three years ago and she`d still be drunk. If someone spills cough syrup on her hand today, she could die of old age and still be legally intoxicated at her autopsy. I`m not a "toxologist," but I am a thinker. Maybe it`s just me.

You can e-mail me, sober or not, at We`ll see you tomorrow, right here.


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