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PIERS MORGAN TONIGHT

Interview with Jimmy Fallon

Aired August 20, 2011 - 21:00   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.


PIERS MORGAN, HOST: If you only know Jimmy Fallon from his TV show, you don't know the real Jimmy Fallon. Yes, he may well be the funniest guy in late night TV. He's a veteran of "Saturday Night Live" and he's an author. He's even got his own ice cream flavor.

Behind all the laughter is another Jimmy Fallon.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JIMMY FALLON, HOST, "LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON": Piers, I saw what you did with Oprah. And you're not going to make me cry, buddy.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

MORGAN: The real Jimmy Fallon.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

FALLON: Properly in love? Properly in love, what are you saying? What are you --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

MORGAN: Jimmy Fallon, the prime-time cable exclusive.

This is PIERS MORGAN TONIGHT.

(MUSIC)

MORGAN: Jimmy Fallon, your new book is called "Thank you Notes." We all know about these from your show.

FALLON: Yes.

MORGAN: A brilliant, simple idea.

FALLON: Very quick, yes. It's a -- you know, when you start a talk show -- a late-night talk show you always hope for like the top 10 list or the headlines that Leno has or whatever like that.

And so, we tried different things every single week, and this guy Jeremy Bronson, a great writer, came up thanking us that, he's a one- off (ph), we tried to wrote these sarcastic "thank you" notes and Twitter, Facebook blew up, and we're like why can we write "thank you," let's do it again. And we're like, guys, I think we might have a hit. We might have something that's pretty cool. (LAUGHTER)

MORGAN: I mean, but is it like all things in comedy, especially those running things, is it the simpler the idea, often, the more effective it is?

FALLON: Yes, yes. I mean, there's, seriously, ideas that you think of off the street like last week I really -- I went into a store, I bought a pack of gum and the receipts -- I'm not kidding, the receipt for the gum was two feet long.

I go, you got to be kidding mer. I didn't pay with a credit card, and nothing. I paid, you know, cash. I go, what is this? I got coupons or something. I go -- I'm killing the rainforest to get fresh breath. It was like this is insane.

MORGAN: Who are you most likely to write a thank you note to right now as a comedian -- Anthony Weiner or Arnold Schwarzenegger?

FALLON: Oh, my gosh!

MORGAN: Tough, right?

FALLON: Both have been great to me. It has been great comedy.

You know, I'd say Schwarzenegger because everyone has the Schwarzenegger impression. Mildred -- Mildred, get over here now. Mildred, you forgot to polish something. Get over here.

(LAUGHTER)

FALLON: It's me, just me just being friendly with you. Oh, hi, Maria. Just joking with Mildred.

MORGAN: But on "Saturday Night Live," for example, could you ever have imagined a political sex scandal rocking America where the guy's name was Weiner and he was sending photos of his wiener over the Internet?

FALLON: The worst is we haven't heard from his aide, Gary Butthole -- Batolli (ph)? Is the name Batolli?

(LAUGHTER)

FALLON: Anyway, we haven't heard from him at all. We haven't -- he hasn't admitted anything, but if you look at those pictures, you're like, but I'm Gary.

MORGAN: I mean, it's like Christmas comes early when this kind of thing happens.

FALLON: Play writers are off. They're off for the summer so, I mean --

MORGAN: But for you guys, I mean, brilliant, isn't it?

FALLON: It's the best for us. I mean, it's just like fuel to the fire. It's the best.

I mean, I had Tiger Woods on the show and I said, look, I know it's been pain and anguish for your personal life. But, as a comedian, I got to say thank you because -- I mean, the double entendres for golf and sex --

MORGAN: Oh, my God!

FALLON: -- it's like holes, strokes, foursomes.

(LAUGHTER)

FALLON: I mean, you name it -- I mean, balls. I mean, go for it. I mean, it's like I didn't have to write anything.

MORGAN: Texas scramble.

(CROSSTALK)

(LAUGHTER)

FALLON: I mean, stuff that I didn't even have to say. It's just jokes -- they're not even jokes, they're just actual things.

MORGAN: You have this remarkably free life you have. Happy existence.

FALLON: Yes.

MORGAN: Nothing bad seems to have ever happened to you. But then I thought -- that's why he's so happy all the time. That's why he's always smiling.

FALLON: Yes, I mean, I guess -- you know, of course, bad stuff has happened to me, I guess, here and there. But it's like I really don't embrace the bad stuff. I honestly, purposely have not gone to therapy because I know some crazy stuff's going to be dragged up and, you know, I'll be like, wait, what?

MORGAN: But instinctively your protective shield is comedy. You don't really want to answer that question, do you?

FALLON: No, I mean, I guess it is. I mean, you know, I probably -- you know, if anything, I'm Irish-Catholic upbringing. So, I think it's probably that -- you know, there's a guilt thing floating somewhere. But I can relate with a bunch of people out there.

MORGAN: Even in other interviews I've read that you do, there's nothing really there to go for outside of the comedy.

FALLON: I guess not. Why not? I mean, that's not really my job, you know?

So, I think, you know, I have that attitude since I started. And I go, this is my job, it's what I want to do. And it's like, you know, when the whole Conan/Jay Leno thing went down, same thing -- I go, my job is not to be serious. My job is to make people laugh, go to bed, and my show is on at 12:39 a.m.

(LAUGHTER)

MORGAN: I love that.

FALLON: Eastern, yes.

MORGAN: It's 12:39.

FALLON: It's like the weirdest time. TiVo it if you don't watch the show. DVR it if you can. If you have a VCR, good for you. Let me know how it's still going.

MORGAN: My favorite bit of the whole Conan-Leno thing was when the offer came in -- you know, you gone up 12:01. Well, it's not even tonight. How can "The Tonight Show" start tomorrow?

FALLON: The tomorrow show, yes, exactly. They said to me, would you mind moving an hour later? I go, yes, of course. What time am I in now?

Are you kidding me? I'm basically on at like 3:00 in the morning. I'm up against like the slapshot commercials.

MORGAN: But I can't imagine anybody disliking you. I mean, I asked everybody about Jimmy Fallon. They're all like, great guy -- great guy. Even if they've never even watched the show, they think you're a great guy.

FALLON: People have disliked me. You know, in high school, I wasn't the most popular kid. I wasn't the nerdiest kid. I was kind of in the middle.

MORGAN: Why weren't you that popular?

FALLON: I don't know. I don't think I had the -- I don't know. I never had the -- I didn't want to go with the crowd. I just wanted to do my own thing.

So I mean, I'd be friends with you and then I'd go -- I'd be friends with some head banger burnout kid, you know, sitting next to a truck drinking 151. I'd be like, yo, what's up, buddy? He's like, how are you doing, man? What are you up to?

You know, I'm like, I'm 16. He's like, try this, man. You know, I'm friends with him, but I'm friends with the nerds who, you know -- like the math -- I loved the math team. I was obsessed with that. I think I have a --

MORGAN: Were you drawn to the absurd and the potentially comedic always?

FALLON: I think so. I think so. My parents are from Brooklyn, New York. They're both from Brooklyn.

They're very city people. They don't know how to drive. My dad has his license but he's awful and he taught me. So I'm stuck in generation --

MORGAN: I don't -- wasn't anybody drive in New York anyway?

FALLON: I mean, yes, you don't have to.

MORGAN: They just get a car and say, why would you drive here? I don't get it.

FALLON: There's no sense. But once you move out, you have to be prepared for the rest of the world, so you drive. And so, my dad taught me and I'm just second generation. I'm awful.

MORGAN: Did you have a happy childhood?

FALLON: It was so happy. It was great. It was me and my sister Gloria, very happy. My parents, very entertaining Irish people, very fun. My sister is very funny.

And my grandparents lived right next door to our house, almost in our backyard but they had their own house. So, they didn't live in a shack or anything. That's a weird story there. It's no backwoods thing.

But we -- we fed them through a slot in the door. Shut up.

But they kind of helped raise me. So, I would go and hang out with my grandparents and they go to church all the time. And I wanted to be a priest for a while.

MORGAN: Did you?

FALLON: Yes. I think that's fun. I think -- I was thinking about it recently. I never thought about it until recently. But it probably was my first time that I was on stage, you know, because I was an alter boy and you go out and come open the curtain and stand next to the priest. And you ring the bells and you do all the things. And people are watching you and you go, oh.

And it's kind of -- my parents would come watch me and see my shows. He's the best bell ringer. You got to see him ring those bells. He's the (INAUDIBLE). My baby's the best.

MORGAN: Seems to me, talking to you, but it sort of confirms my theory that you were surrounded by love and happiness and comedy and all this kind of thing, a strong religion and so on. But most comedians I've interviewed have an element of something in their lives which has made them go into comedy. I mean, I interviewed Sarah Silverman, for example, who was very sort of open about a very difficult upbringing which -- and she was drawn to comedy because she got this sucker from an audience laughing at her and giving her warmth. And so many comedians I've met are quite tormented characters.

FALLON: Yes. I mean, there's probably -- it's probably some angle to me somewhere that tortured or whatever, but I don't -- I don't dwell on that. I just accept it. It happened, whatever. And I just move forward.

MORGAN: I'm going to play you a clip of your first ever standup comedic routine.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

FALLON: Hi, I'm Jimmy Fallon. Welcome to Troll Productions Incorporated, the audition for the commercial. We need a star to sponsor a new line of Troll dolls. OK? I'm going to start. Mr. John Travolta. Thanks a lot.

(LAUGHTER)

FALLON: (INAUDIBLE) Hair is really frizzy. Like I don't know how you expect to sell these things --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

MORGAN: And apart from the hair, which was outrageous -- what do you think when you watch that?

FALLON: The striped shirt.

MORGAN: Yes, everything. The whole thing, the fashion disaster.

FALLON: You know, I had that act. It was the only act I had. I had s-- someone bought me a troll doll for my graduation -- high school graduation. My senior year in high school, they bought me a troll doll with the frizzy hair, and, first of all, I don't know what I'm going to do with this troll doll. Thank you for the present but what am I going to do.

So, I remember, my mother heard about this impression contest on the radio and said, Jimmy, you should enter this contest. It's at the Bananas Comedy Club. And now, I know you do all those voices up in your room --

MORGAN: Did you love that buzz of laughter coming from people?

FALLON: I think that was the thing. It was that pleasing people type of thing when you're like, you told the joke and you got a laugh and you're like, oh, that's cool, I got a very good reaction. There's nothing like it. It's an adrenaline rush.

You know, from doing, you know, "America's Got Talent," or whatever in front of a crowd, there's nothing like it. When you finish -- if it's a good bit, if you have good quip, if you say something cool and the crowd goes nuts, there's nothing like it.

MORGAN: It's absolute true. I mean, there's also nothing like the terrible black hole of when you do a quip and nobody laughs.

FALLON: Yes. I mean, that's -- that's -- the first time it happens, it's shattering. The second time, awful. Third time, worst.

Fourth time, I can't believe this is happening. Fifth time, you go, not too bad. Sixth time, you go, it's kind of fun.

Then you kind of weirdly look forward to those silences where it's like, I don't mind -- I don't mind bombing a joke. I'll do a joke in the monologue that I know won't get a laugh, but I know it's funny.

MORGAN: We're going to take a little break. When we come back, I want to talk about "Saturday Night Live," the show that propelled you into the stratosphere.

FALLON: Love it, love it, love it.

MORGAN: And slow jam -- don't forget that.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BRIAN WILLIAMS, NBC NEWS: The president did assert the need to focus our national energy strategy on renewable resources.

FALLON: Yes, baby. Let's get together and build some wind turbines. You know all they want to do is get blown. Or, damn girl, we could build a dam, girl.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

MORGAN: That is, of course, one of your signatures, slow jams.

Promise me one thing.

FALLON: Yes?

MORGAN: At some stage in my life, I can do that with you. Seriously.

FALLON: Please. Deal. Right now.

MORGAN: It's a deal.

FALLON: Yes. I'd like it. I would love to do that.

MORGAN: It's so -- again, so simple, so funny.

FALLON: Yes, that was -- we did that in our very first show. We did slow jam the news without Brian Williams because -- well, we just started out and just did it. These two great writers, Bashir Salahuddin and Diallo Riddle, they wrote this bit "Slow Jam: The News" and then we did it. And we asked Brian if he would do it just Brian Williams and he, you know?

MORGAN: Of course.

FALLON: So, he said, yes, I'll come down do it. And now -- I mean, he's addicted, he's hooked, because he's great at it. And he just destroys and it's just -- he plays straight man so perfectly.

MORGAN: Big break for you, obviously, with "Saturday Night Live." When you were growing up, I know that you worshiped the show. You watched it all the time.

FALLON: Yes, I did.

MORGAN: When you actually discovered you had the possibility of being on it, what was that moment like for you?

FALLON: I think it was like -- you know, I actually auditioned for the show -- I dropped out of school -- college and I went to L.A. to join the Gramlings (ph) which is like the second city of L.A. like improv troupe and learned how to act and act with other people, because when you do standup comedy you don't know how to act with other people because you're on stage by yourself. So, they really taught me a lot.

And I got to audition for "SNL" and I did the troll bit. (INAUDIBLE) with the troll doll I did the celebrity impersonating like endorsing the troll doll. So, I'd do Bill Cosby like, you know, the thing about the troll, what, (INAUDIBLE) and do whatever, you know.

So, I did a whole bit and I bombed. Like you were saying, it was awful. It was like I was the "Comic Strip" in New York City, bombed and I didn't get it. Tracy Morgan got the job that year.

And then two years later, they asked me back to audition again. They said, don't do the troll bit, we've seen that. So think of something else.

So I did something else. I did a celebrity walk-a-thon. It was a bunch of celebrities walking for charity. So, I'd do Jerry Seinfeld and I'd say, like, isn't this great? Why don't we all take a bus? We'll all going to the same place. Why are we all walking? We're all going to end up in the same place.

Yes. So, I'd do that. And I remember doing the audition for "SNL" and the --

MORGAN: You do your De Niro in it? He's one of my favorites.

FALLON: I did not do the De Niro.

MORGAN: De Niro is fantastic.

FALLON: I mean, excuse me, nope. OK.

(LAUGHTER)

FALLON: Yep. Nope. OK. He was my first guest on our show.

MORGAN: You see that as your dark street because you know that he's renowned to be this terrible guest. I mean, I'd love to have him on because I just love De Niro, but, you know, when you watch him it's torture for everyone when he's being interviewed.

FALLON: He doesn't like to talk, yes.

MORGAN: So you choose a guy for your first show when you get your massive gig and he's Robert De Niro. Why would you do that?

FALLON: Well, you know, you start a show -- a publicist, you know, they control the actors, what publicity they do. So, publicist basically run actors' lives and what they do, really, in a weird way.

So when you go out to publicist and you're first starting out, the publicists are afraid of you. They go like, oh, the show's probably going to flop. You know, I don't want my client to be near a flop. I don't like a client to go on a sinking ship.

So, you have to call in friends and favors for the first week at least. So I had Tina Fey. I had Justin Timberlake. They were all like -- Tina Fey was like, I'll do the first show, I'll do the second show, whatever show you want me to do, like whatever's the hardest to book I'll do for you, buddy -- like don't worry about me. Don't make me feel good by making the first guest or whatever.

So, I wanted an A-list actor. I wanted someone from New York City. And so I called Robert De Niro. And I was like, look, I've done charity things with him before. He's the coolest guy. Had nothing to promote, nothing coming out, he's working on movies, but really no reason to come on and he goes, "OK. I'll do it. I'll do it."

And he's the best guy. I'll never forget as long as I live, Robert De Niro is the coolest human being on the face of the earth. I'll never forget it.

MORGAN: And I don't -- I mean, it was an amazing favor he did for you. But I mean, I wouldn't care if he just sat there and said nothing. He's Robert De Niro. I mean, there aren't many people alive --

FALLON: He thinks he did. He sat there and said nothing. That's what I wanted. It was like -- we recently had him back on and we played "Password" with him which was perfect because you're only allowed to say one word with him.

So, it was like, you know, I'd be like, ha-yah! And he goes, "Karate?"

(LAUGHTER)

FALLON: Yes, two points. It's like the perfect gig for him. He's the best sport.

My first show, we wanted -- I remember we wanted U-2 because I'm friendly with Bono and Edge and I've done bits with those guys and I asked them, but they were doing their whole week on Letterman. Letterman booked them for the whole week trying to go ahead against us. Like, who can get the better guest? I'm like, what a bummer, man, because they were totally my favorite.

But I'm like, OK. Who else can we get? Someone cool. And just -- that's why the world works where it works. Just so happened that Van Morrison was in town, doing "Astral Weeks."

MORGAN: Perfect.

FALLON: Come on. I mean, so it's De Niro, Justin Timberlake, Van Morrison, first show.

MORGAN: Brilliant.

FALLON: It's like, I mean, just luck would have it. It's just the way it works. You know, and --

MORGAN: What really makes you laugh?

FALLON: I like -- of course, I love comedians, any comedian. I love any comedian.

MORGAN: But what can make you laugh out loud? What kind of things?

FALLON: British humor. I'm a big fan of, you know, Chris Morris, "The Day Today," Mighty Boosh. You know those guys?

MORGAN: I do, yes, yes.

FALLON: Might Boosh is -- they're really funny. We had them on the show and they didn't have their visa, so they weren't allowed to perform or something legally. I don't know what that means.

But they weren't allowed to perform on stage. They had to sit in their chairs. And I did the secret policeman's ball. Five years ago, (INAUDIBLE) in England and they had did this bit. It was so funny where he came out and he -- one is very glam guy, the other guy is very straight and he's like, have you seen this new hairdryer? It's Jean Claude Jaquettie.

And he's like, no, I haven't seen it. He's like, but you must know the (INAUDIBLE), right? Jean Claude Jaquettie puts his jacket on, Jean Claude Jaquettie puts his jacket on.

He goes, no, I don't know them. Come on, jacket on. And then they all of a sudden they both start talking. Oh, stylist. Oh, stylist -- walking around Paris with (INAUDIBLE).

And they did his whole bit and they did it sitting down which is legal, I guess. And man, it killed, it destroyed. And I just loved watching that crossover to America because they're brilliant comedians. And I love --

MORGAN: When you watch Ricky Gervais at the Globes, say, and you know where -- you know where he's going to go with it? I will say it's like having a shark for dinner and when he eats everyone, everyone starts complaining. Everyone knew what he would do. I found it hilarious.

FALLON: I think that's what everyone who hosts, by the way. They go Chris Rock, oh, my God, he's totally irreverent. I can't believe it. And they go, that's what Chris Rock does.

What did you want him to do? Billy Crystal's act? Billy Crystal is great at Billy Crystal. He's the best at Billy Crystal.

Steve Martin's the best at Steve Martin. I mean --

MORGAN: What they really want -- I went to the Emmys when you were the host, and what they really want is they don't want it to ever feel uncomfortable or nasty and you were genius that day. You were coming out with lots of stuff which was just knifing people. But it all felt so warm and celebratory that everyone felt they could laugh.

FALLON: Yes. Everyone --

MORGAN: And that's your trademark, I think, isn't it?

FALLON: I think that's my thing. I don't like to kick people when they're down. I like to kick people when they're up.

If you're down, I'm your friend. I'll take care of you until you're up again and then I'll take a shot at you.

But if you're in on a joke and I know everyone can take a good joke, if you're in on it, then why not do that? That's the fun of it.

You know, I remember we had Ted Danson and I had to introduce Ted Danson. He was awesome, great guy. He's got a great sense of humor. I was like, they played the "Cheer" theme and -- we go, ladies and gentlemen, wherever this guys goes everyone knows his name. Give it up for Mr. Tim Denson.

(LAUGHTER)

FALLON: You know, and he came out and he like immediately got the joke. But some people were like, what, Tim Denson? Screw up Ted Danson's name. Those type of things make me laugh.

I remember we did a bit when I hosted the MTV VMA years ago, I go -- this next singer's got a number one song, give it up for Shakira Pinklestein. She lost her last name. She doesn't use the last name anymore? Sorry. Shakira, everybody.

(LAUGHTER)

FALLON: She's a good sport, you know. But those type of fun things where you're like I got you.

MORGAN: Go to another break. When we come back, I want to talk to you about Donald Trump and also about late night wars.

FALLON: Beautiful.

MORGAN: Bruising battles.

FALLON: Twenty-four-carat, beautiful war, marble, gorgeous.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP) FALLON: The fact is, the president clearly coordinated the secret CIA mission, assassination and ensuing press conference specifically to cut off the end of my show, "The Celebrity Apprentice." So, basically I killed Osama bin Laden.

(LAUGHTER)

FALLON: So, congratulations to me, Donald Trump. Thank you. You're welcome.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

FALLON: He thanks himself. He says, "You're welcome."

MORGAN: I mean, Donald is another one. I love him. I wish I was on his show.

FALLON: Yes. You were great.

MORGAN: But he's a magical character for you guys.

FALLON: I didn't even understand what he is. He's so good.

We did a bit on our show once we had remote control boats and we were racing remote control boats. And he stood up with his boat and he was -- he was following his boat around.

I go, Donald, it's remote control. You don't have to touch it. It's the idea that you can stay here. That's the idea of the game. You don't walk with the boat.

You know, I don't know, Jimmy, you know, my boat's so beautiful, 24- carat gold, beautiful boobs on it, great, beautiful, beautiful boat.

We played -- we played charades with Donald Trump and Little John and NeNe Leakes and --

(CROSSTALK)

FALLON: No, that's a fun part of having a talk show, right? And so we're doing this thing and Little John is clearly doing a guy -- a woman giving birth. He's doing the baby, doing baby talk was the thing. He was going like this and he's going -- his legs are up and Donald Trump's going -- round boobs, beautiful boobs, beautiful, beautiful 24-carat marble boobs.

And it's like, no, he's clearly giving birth. He never plays charades. You have kids.

MORGAN: My favorite moment with Donald is when he came on here and we had a live audience and just towards the end -- it had gone very well and everyone was loving it.

And at the end he just turned to me and everyone could hear him and he was like, by the way, don't worry, the rating's are going to be great.

(LAUGHTER)

MORGAN: And you know what? They were.

FALLON: No, he's -- he was host of "Saturday Night Live" and God bless him. He's the nicest dude.

And we wrote in a sketch -- it was just a bunch of comedians sitting around a table in a writers' meeting. We were going over the sketch and we were reading the sketch and he tells some joke, we wrote some joke about how his casino is failing in Atlantic City.

He was like, casino is failing in Atlantic City. And he takes his glasses off and he goes, mark my words, that casino's going to be number one in two years, to a bunch of comedians. We were sitting there like, what? We don't know what -- what are you talking about? We have no -- we are just writing a joke.

MORGAN: I mean, indisputably, he's endlessly entertaining, isn't he, in all guises?

FALLON: He's a smart, smart businessman. He knows what he's doing. Running for president, not running for president --

(CROSSTALK)

FALLON: "Celebrity Apprenticeship" went up, right? Genius.

MORGAN: Tell me about the late night wars because my perspective on it is I really like Jay Leno and I really like Conan.

FALLON: Yes, me, too.

MORGAN: And whenever I've met either of them, they were unfailingly courteous, very nice to talk to, very generous with their time and so on. I'm sure you're the same.

So, when you get a situation that arose in the way that it did and it creates this awful chasm between them, how do you feel about that?

FALLON: It's almost like watching like your family fight. You go, well, you're going to do it, just get it over with and it's going to be uncomfortable at the table, you know? Can I have more wine, please? Pass the peas.

MORGAN: Where do you think the real problem lay in all that?

FALLON: I don't know.

MORGAN: What was the catalyst? Was it -- was it as simple as when Jay was number one, NBC saying to him, you've got five more years, then you have to stop, without thinking in five years' time you might still be number one?

FALLON: I think that's bizarre in the first place. If you're number one and somebody says, by the way, in five years, somebody's going to take your job. I don't know what that means. If I was number one. If I was Jay Leno, I'd be like, what are you talking about? Why? Why in five years? Why am I -- that doesn't make sense to me.

MORGAN: Which is exactly what happened, I think.

FALLON: Yes. But if it's like that right there, for me, I would be like, that's an insult, to me.

MORGAN: Do you blame Jay for anything that happened?

FALLON: No, I don't blame Jay. I feel bad for Conan because he wanted his shot at "The Tonight Show" and I don't know if he got a fair shake, if he did. I don't know if he did. It's like, it's just too hard to say because he wasn't -- he didn't get that much of a chance.

MORGAN: I find it sad that those two guys no longer speak at all.

FALLON: I find it sad that no one speaks. Like, I find it -- I find it sad when Pink Floyd doesn't speak. I find it sad when Simon and Garfunkel don't speak. I go, really? What is the deal? Go sing "Sounds of Silence," everyone loves it. It's going to kill, you know.

MORGAN: Who do you feel most competitive toward? Who do you look at when you look at their ratings or the publicity they're getting and think, that's annoying me.

FALLON: Brad Pitt. I hate that son of a bitch. He's so good looking. He gets the women. You get the movies. I want to work with Terrence Mallon (ph). Where's my --

MORGAN: Are you a frustrated movie star because you've got the kind of looks for it and you've had a standup movie?

FALLON: I don't think I have the look for it, to be honest, to be a leading man. I could be a best friend guy that comes in and goes, hey, you guys should get together, you know. I could be that guy. I don't know if I could be the guy.

You know, but I've tried to give it a shot. I had two great shots "Taxi" with Queen Latifah, which didn't do that bad. And in fact, most people recognize me on the street from "Taxi." It's kind of funny now to see how it's grown on cable, because people actually like it.

It's silly, it's ridiculous, but so is any movie. What movie isn't ridiculous and silly? I mean, "Speed," that's a hit.

MORGAN: Great movie.

FALLON: I mean, jumping over buses, Jumping over a thing with Sandra Bullock. It's just as crazy as that. It's a movie --

MORGAN: What I find odd about standup comedians or anyone who's done that is how you ever have the patience for movies? FALLON: I don't like it. The fun thing about doing my show now is it's immediate gratification -- instant gratification. It's -- where you do a movie, you have to be quiet. Everyone on the set has to be quiet. No one's laughing. Shh. He's doing a comedy scene.

Everyone's trying not to laugh, they're not looking, you know. And I don't even know if I am being funny at this point because I can't -- there's no gauge. And then you edit the movie for two months. Then you promote the movie for three months. Six month later, the movie comes out and the critics go, it sucks.

You go, what? That's half a year of my life. At least I know in my show if I tell a joke, the audience goes like, that sucks. And then I go, all right, I'll go to another joke. I got you.

MORGAN: We're going to have a break. When we come back, I want to talk to you about bad boys and your mate Charlie Sheen.

Winning.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

FALLON: Welcome, my Gods and Goddesses. Fast bong, I the seeing man have this new show where I get to go around and pull the most bitching pranks on droopy eyed trolls.

Christ, they're so gnarly, they might melt your face off. Check out this first take.

What you working on there dude?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I got this report that I have to do for next Friday. Hey.

FALLON: Are you good? You just got Sheened.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What?

FALLON: Sheen. Sheen. Sheen.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

MORGAN: I mean, that was absolutely hilarious, but you couldn't have had much time to prepare that. These things must just come to you.

FALLON: That was the thing. That's the fun thing about our show is that we do it nightly. So it's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Every night we do a show. So it's like if something happens in the news, if we can make a joke, we'll be the first ones to get it.

MORGAN: I mean, hard work because these sketches aren't easy to do, are they?

FALLON: No. No, it takes a lot of like hair and makeup. Cindy Lou (ph) and Courtney, these girls are amazing at my show. And we didn't have a wig for Charlie Sheen, but I figured out is I really look like him if I just --

MORGAN: You do look like him in that.

FALLON: -- like move my hair down like this and just kind of make a crazy face, you know, and you just kind of crazy eyes -- it's not quite Johnny Carson but it's gruffer. Duh, winning. Duh.

MORGAN: Is he winning?

FALLON: Adonis DNA.

MORGAN: Is any part of what's happened with Charlie winning, do you think?

FALLON: No. I don't know. I feel bad for him because I know he's funny. I know he's smart. So I don't know what's going on. Is he on drugs or pills or what's happening? I hope he gets off it.

I hope that he ends up winning in the end. Maybe he will off this. But I didn't get it. I felt a little bit bad because it got out of control for me. I mean, the first couple of things were just genius, especially as a comedian.

You can make fun of it and do the winning. But then it got a little crazy for a while and I just -- I hope he figures it all out and I think he's a great comedian.

MORGAN: Have you had a moment in your life -- not Charlie Sheen- esque, but have you ever got into boozing, drugs, any of the kind of pitfalls that follow comedians, entertainers?

FALLON: Drinking I think is probably the closest I've come to doing anything. But with this show, I can't drink as much as I'd like to because it's nine to five.

MORGAN: You want to stop drinking on a regular basis, do a nightly show? Especially a news show.

FALLON: Friday nights, I'm out there doing Jager shots with my wife. My shirt's off. It's really -- it's nasty.

MORGAN: What's been the most excited you've been about a guest that's come on your show?

FALLON: Bruce Springsteen.

MORGAN: He's your hero.

FALLON: He's just the coolest. He's rock and roll. He's Bruce Springsteen. One and only. He's the best.

MORGAN: Did he confirm that theory you should never meet your hero? Was he great in real life? FALLON: I don't believe in that thing you should never meet your heroes. It depends on who your hero is. Now I met Bruce Springsteen. I met Paul McCartney. I met -- you know, they're like, you know, heroes to me and they're great.

Springsteen -- we did -- I did the Emmy opening. I did "Born to Run." I did a glee-ish version of "Born to Run."

MORGAN: It was brilliant. I was there.

FALLON: Thanks. And he heard about me and he was like -- well, we asked him for permission. He was like, whatever Jimmy wants to do. Jimmy wants to do it, then let him do it. That would be great.

So we did it and he liked it. And then he had to promote "Darkness On The Edge of Town " a box set. An amazing box set by the way. If you get this, has a notebook with all the scraps and his lyrics. Amazing box set.

So he didn't do any show but our show. And so I had this -- I used to do Neil Young. I did this impersonation of Neil Young on the show. And so I said, would you want to maybe do Neil Young -- a duet with Neil Young singing Willow Smith's "Whip My Hair".

"I whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair" -- but it's as Neil Young, so it's like "I whip my hair back and forth." You know and so he's liking it. And he's like, I like that, that's good, that's good.

I -- you know -- and then his manager calls and says Bruce wants to dress like young Bruce. So he wants to -- can you get him a floppy hat and these sunglasses. He'll bring his own sunglasses from the "Born To Run" tour.

So, he came, brought his "Born to Run" mirrored sunglasses, and he goes, you got the floppy hat? Get the floppy hat. So I got the floppy hat. And we did the whole thing. And I said also, we have a wig for you too. Cindy Lou and Courtney have a wig.

He goes, no, no, no wig, no wig. What are you trying to do? I won't wear a wig. I go no problem, no problem. So everyone leaves the room, I go Bruce, why don't try the wig on? So he goes all right, all right.

So I'm putting a wig on Bruce Springsteen. This is the most exciting thing in my life. I put the wig on Bruce. Put floppy -- give me the floppy hat -- give him the floppy hat and the glasses and he looked like Bruce Springsteen from 1978. And he walked out to see his manager, and got a -- you know, Bruce has got that, kind of bow-legged tight pant -- walked over to the dressing room to see his manager, Jon Landau, who's an amazing guy.

And I swear Jon Landau had like tears in his eyes. Because he's like this is what you looked like when I first started working with you.

It's so -- when you get see a client dressed 30 years younger? No one will ever get Bruce Springsteen in a wig. I will guarantee it. MORGAN: Going to take a little break. When we come back, I want to talk to you about marriage and politics. Not necessarily at the same time.

FALLON: Maybe politics -- politics and marriage as well. Who knows?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

FALLON: Hello its Jersey Park. The Jersey Floor is all about the lifestyle. Bros, brews, tats, tans, fist pumps, dry humps. It's like freaking paradise.

I feel like I'm home here. I can be myself. I can dress the way I want to dress, you know. Dance. I get with my bros. I do shop, I tan, and I drink. STDs. That's what we call it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(CROSS TALK)

FALLON: Amy Alsos (ph) wrote that. She's a great writer.

MORGAN: Well, what I notice is when I interview actors and actresses -- like yesterday I interviewed an actress and she couldn't look at herself on screen. They're like got so riddled with self-doubt.

But throughout this, every time there's been a clip of yourself, you've roared with laughter at that. That is encouraging.

FALLON: Yes, I'm being punked into your show. I don't mind. I don't mind if it's a funny. You know, I don't even look at it like it's me. I just watch it and your like. Is it funny -- was it funny was it good? I second guess everything, you know.

But if it's funny, I go, oh yes let's see that clip again.

MORGAN: How important to your well-being is the love of a good woman? Your wife?

FALLON: I'd be nothing without my wife. She's the coolest. She's the greatest. She is the smartest. She's the funniest. I love her so much. She's like the -- it's like your best friend for the rest of your life.

You can call her up and be like this happened to me. Or what do you think of this and she goes, oh. And she gives you good advice, you know.

Or you go like, want to see a movie? And like, yes. Which one? Like I want to see this one. And she's like; I don't want to see that one. It's like, come on, it's like, all right, I'll do it.

She'll do it. It's like those kinds of things, and you're like I want to go to this restaurant. And she's like, I don't really care about restaurants. And you're like but I love restaurants. All right, let's do it, you know.

MORGAN: But isn't that the trick -- I think the trick is tolerance, isn't it? If you try to make the other person like you, it'll never work, but if you're tolerant of each other's differences --

FALLON: I'm a fan of her, and I think she's a fan of me. It's like, I like the things that she likes. It may not be me, everything. But I like that she likes it. You know, and same I think with her with me. It's like, she'll go, well, I don't know why Jimmy likes this, but he likes it, and so --

MORGAN: Is she a good critic of your -- of your work?

FALLON: Yes. She's got very high standards. She's very, you know, very picky. Great eye. She's a producer in Hollywood. She works for Drew Barrymore -- Flower Films is her company. She just did the new "Charlie's Angels."

MORGAN: Does she live there?

FALLON: She lives in New York.

MORGAN: Oh, she lives in New York. I was quite emphatic this morning. I finally thought I found a kink in the endless happiness of your life. And it was this story in "Star" Magazine.

FALLON: I heard of this.

MORGAN: And it said, marriage split sensation. Fallon disaster because he lives in New York, she lives in L.A. I think I was the spokesman for Jimmy Fallon at the end said, "well there's only one slight problem here, Mrs. Fallon lives with Mr. Fallon in New York."

FALLON: But too, I've got to say though, "Star Magazine" is 95 percent of the time, correct. So I've got to give it up to them. No matter what, I swear those magazines. They're all right. They're all correct.

MORGAN: Can you still laugh, even at stuff like that? Do you find it funny?

FALLON: I called her. I go -- we found out that was coming out, so I called her up and I said look, here's the deal honey. We're in a lot of trouble. Apparently we're splitting our time between -- do you still have a -- do you have a home in L.A. that you're not telling me about? This is really upsetting to me now.

And she's like, oh my gosh. So -- and she's a fan of those magazines. My wife loves "US Weekly." She loves "Star." She reads all those trashy -- and I go why would you read those -- why would you read those mag -- wait -- oh Jessica Simpson is getting raped. What, is she on a diet?

Then it's like kids candy. I mean, you don't have to think. You just read those things. You go, oh my gosh. They're the best. They're the best. They're rags, but they're the best things in the world. I love Page Six, I love all that stuff. I love gossip.

MORGAN: Can we expect any little Fallons on the way?

FALLON: I mean, there might be some right now. Mildred get over here now. Mildred get over here. What are you doing? Mildred, you look so good. What are you six, five? Oh you're so pretty.

Oh hi Maria. Just kidding. No, yes, yes. In the future, yes. I would love to be a dad. I'd love to have kids. I think -- I love kids.

MORGAN: How would you feel if you had a child with no sense of humor?

FALLON: It's impossible. They have to have one, right. I am worried about living in an area where there's no sense of humor. I have to live in New York City. I have to live here, because people are so funny.

MORGAN: They are. They are naturally funny here.

FALLON: When it's winter, they hate the winter. It's too cold, I hate --

MORGAN: When it's summer, it's too hot.

FALLON: It's too hot.

MORGAN: All New Yorkers do is moan about the weather.

FALLON: We had one good day this year. And I remember it, it was like -- it was like four weeks ago. It was one good day. Everyone's said like -- yes, that was it, that was it.

MORGAN: So last year.

FALLON: Everyone back to their -- I can't talk about it. And they feel like, like you believe how hot it is over here. You kidding me? And then it's like -- can you believe how cold it is over here. You kidding me? What is this? What -- global warming right?

It's like yes, right, yes whatever.

MORGAN: Well, talking of global warming, I'm going to chill things down. We're going to talk ice cream after this final break.

FALLON: Please.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(SINGING)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

MORGAN: That was you with your late night nemesis Stephen Colbert. Now, I don't really know what's going on there. Other than two table cloths arrive, and it's got something to do with ice cream.

FALLON: Well, here's what happened. My -- Stephen Colbert is my best friend for six months. I asked him to be my BFF, best friends forever and that was a little too much for him. So I offered him six months and he said yes.

So the six months ends August third. So, right now we're best friends, for six months. BFFSM, I think.

But, I have an Ice Cream flavor, Ben and Jerry's, probably -- a lot of people consider it the best ice cream flavor ever existed. Stephen Colbert has one that Ben and Jerry's made for me, with him, the flavor. It's a foodstuff, whatever. And it's unoriginal, but it taste -- it's sweet and it's cold -- it counts as ice cream.

But what I wanted to do is I wanted you to maybe try both and see -- a blind fold taste test -- which one you think you enjoy the most. Do you mind?

MORGAN: Well, I feel unnerved by this, but I'll do it.

FALLON: Yes.

MORGAN: This is already deeply uncomfortable.

FALLON: All right here we go ready. So this is -- I'll give you the -- this is the first spoon.

MORGAN: OK. Yes. Thank you.

FALLON: This is weird. All right. All right go. Describe it.

MORGAN: It's sort of, coffee-ish, I would say. Which is clearly the wrong answer. Urine or something.

FALLON: Here you go. Try this one.

MORGAN: Well, that's just crunchy and fairly bland. If I was to have one again, I'd have the first one.

FALLON: You sure about that?

MORGAN: Yes.

FALLON: Unoriginal tool. This is -- I'm so upset. Don't feed him. Take the blind fold off. This is ridiculous. The first thing you had was that dumb AmeriCone Dream, Stephen Colbert's great ice cream. And number two was Late Night Snack.

But the first one you had, yes, of course, its ice cream cone with chocolate and vanilla. The second one you had was fudge covered potato chips. MORGAN: We almost have exhausted the ice cream debate here. Can you do what you're good at, please?

FALLON: Yes.

MORGAN: Get that guitar.

FALLON: OK.

MORGAN: And play us out.

FALLON: Absolutely.

MORGAN: With a bit of Fallon magic.

FALLON: All right, this is what I'll do. I'll give you a taste because when I did whip my hair with Neil -- as Neil Young and Bruce Springsteen, it was -- it goes like --

(SINGING)

FALLON: And then you've got Bruce coming in and he goes --

(SINGING)

FALLON: And the Bob Dylan -- Bob Dylan is a different -- Bob Dylan is different all together. His harmonica is higher. And he just kind of plays one note and just blows it out.

So Bob Dylan -- this is Bob Dylan doing the theme song from "Charles In Charge", which is a television show on in America.

(SINGING)

FALLON: That's it.

MORGAN: Jimmy Fallon. Thank you so much.

FALLON: It's a pleasure. Congrats on this gig. You're awesome at it.

MORGAN: I'm going to end this with the immortal words. Top that Anderson Cooper, and "AC 360".