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Sex and Relationship Wednesday
Aired July 11, 2012 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
DR. DREW PINSKY, HOST: Here we go.
A shocking new YouTube video called booty pop, a 6-year-old raps about sex while grown women in bikinis dance around him.
Plus, a new sex survey may shock you. We will cover all the topics. Is online flirting cheating? Would you let your partner videotape sex? And more.
It`s sex and relationship Wednesday. I want your comments, questions and confessions. Call us at 855-DRDREW5.
And I`m live with my old "Loveline" co-host, the ace man, Adam Carolla.
So, let`s get started.
PINSKY: And tonight is what we call our sex and relationship Wednesday. We`ll be taking your calls live at 1-855-DRDREW5. It`s also 373-7395.
Joining me, former "Loveline" co-host and author of "Not Taco Bell Material," Adam Carolla, is here. And reminder no Taco Bell material means that Adam, when he applied to Taco Bell back in the day wasn`t quite up to their standards of their associates.
ADAM CAROLLA, FORMER "LOVELINE" CO-HOST: Yes.
I put in an application at Taco Bell in North Hollywood when I was. And they said, thank you but no thanks.
PINSKY: There you go.
CAROLLA: And it ruined me.
PINSKY: I missed that. That explains so much that that`s what it was.
CAROLLA: It`s basically like you going to a toothless hooker and going, may I perform on you? And her going, I don`t think so.
PINSKY: You`re not quite up for it.
PINSKY: Well, thank you for keeping this in the realm of sex and relationships.
First up, a new video is going viral. It is called a booty pop. It features a 6-year-old rapper surrounded by young -- well, adult women. Apparently, the parents not only allowed the son to make this video but like participated in it, it was posted on YouTube.
Adam, I want you to watch this. You all, too.
CAROLLA: Look, I want to say something.
PINSKY: No, you can`t. It`s going to video.
CAROLLA: I don`t --
PINSKY: You don`t want to see it?
CAROLLA: No, I don`t want to see it.
(VIDEO CLIP PLAYS)
PINSKY: All right. We reached out to the production company that produced booty pop video, but receive no response.
Adam, you didn`t want to see it. I know, shocking --
CAROLLA: No response from the "booty pop" production company? That`s not the booty pop production company I`ve been doing business with. Here in southern California for over a quarter of century now. They have a pristine reputation for reaching back when you reach out to booty pop. I don`t know if it was either booty or pop that weren`t there.
PINSKY: Both of them are not there.
CAROLLA: I suspect foul play.
PINSKY: Yes, I know. Well, we`ll try.
CAROLLA: I hope nothing serious has happened to either booty or pop over there. Normally they get back to me in a very timely fashion.
PINSKY: I get that. They didn`t get back to me or my staff.
But here`s my question. That`s a 6-year-old kid.
PINSKY: Imagine you have 6-year-old twins, 6, 7?
CAROLLA: They`re like between 5 and 8. They`re in there.
PINSKY: Imagine Sonny in that video. Can you even like put your head around that? There he is.
CAROLLA: Listen, look, maybe it`s -- it may be controversial, but it`s a cultural thing. You know in the Jewish religion you become a man at 13?
PINSKY: I don`t know where you`re going but it scares.
CAROLLA: I think in the black culture you`re a man by 5.
CAROLLA: That`s me.
PINSKY: All right. That`s a man. It`s not a 6-year-old.
CAROLLA: My Lilly white son wouldn`t be able to handle that.
PINSKY: I see, your kid is no good --
CAROLLA: In that culture, you grow up much faster. You see things that my son doesn`t see or experience things my son wouldn`t experience. So, it`s a cultural pass. I give him a cultural pass.
You know how you get to drink -- like if you grow up in France, you you`re drinking wine at 5 years old at the dinner table.
PINSKY: All right. So you`re giving this a pass.
CAROLLA: I`m giving it a booty pass.
PINSKY: Booty pass. I want to talk to Anastasia. I believe she`s in Kansas.
Anastasia, you`re with us?
ANASTASIA, CALLER FROM KANSAS: Yes, I am. Hi, Dr. Drew.
PINSKY: Hi. You wanted to comment on this.
ANASTASIA: I am very concerned about this video. I feel it`s exploiting this young man and I`m extremely shocked by the phallic symbol with the pool toy and the water projecting out of it.
ANASTASIA: I feel like it`s sexualizing --
PINSKY: For sure. It is kiddie porn --
CAROLLA: How about Will and Jada Pinkett Smith`s kid who says, I throw my hair in the air, I throw my hair -- is that any dumber than this?
PINSKY: Well, dumber or not, doesn`t it give you the creeps to watch this?
CAROLLA: The whole world gives me the creeps. I go outside, I get the creeps. I turn on the TV, I get the creeps. I close my eyes, I get the creeps.
Everything is creepy, of course.
PINSKY: I understand we have -- don`t we have a Skype coming in right now? Can somebody give me --
CAROLLA: Drew, how many times have I told you we need to start judging as a society. We`ve lost our ability to judge. We used to judge and shun.
PINSKY: Yes, we did.
CAROLLA: Now we don`t judge and some ass wipe announced you can`t judge like nine years ago. I`d like to judge that guy with my fist.
PINSKY: Judge, shun and shame.
CAROLLA: No. Judge, shame and shun.
PINSKY: There you go -- in that order.
CAROLLA: Yes. A great law firm, the attorneys of judge, shame and shun. We need to start as a society, bring back judging, then we shame, and then we shun. OK?
But we`ve created a society where you can`t judge and everything is do your own thing and who are you -- a lot of who are you to judge?
PINSKY: We`ve gotten a weird judgmentalism where people are all, like, bad as opposed to -- people are not well and you can`t judge that. You can`t say they`re sick.
Here`s my Skype. This is "T". She is on the line from Minnesota.
T, you`ve got a reaction to this, I guess. Tell us.
T, FROM MINNESOTA: Yes, I have a reaction to it. I had made a YouTube response to the video. When I first saw it, like I said, I have a 6-year-old son and I couldn`t imagine my son in that same position.
And I felt like, you know, it wasn`t right for his parents to put him out there, they were sexualizing him. And for the growth women to be in bikinis and shaking around him, it was totally uncalled for.
And like Adam was saying, he says it`s cultural, but it`s not. That`s not part of black culture. Everybody does not support the video. Some people are OK with it. But a lot of people are really disgusted by it.
PINSKY: So, T is unhappy with this.
CAROLLA: Yes. Listen, let`s face it. Many kids -- this -- it`s horrible to exploit your kids, but look at what kids in general are being raised in and around. Just in general. I mean, this is bad but there`s a lot worse than this. They just don`t make videos about it, you know what I`m saying?
PINSKY: That`s right. Yes.
CAROLLA: Our society is crumbling and the parents are falling apart and the kids are getting punished for it.
PINSKY: All right.
CAROLLA: And it`s a mess. I`ve moving to Canada.
PINSKY: I`m not sure it`s better up there.
So, although we`re making fun of this, T, Adam actually agrees with you. It`s just so much egregious stuff going on throughout our culture, this is just a sliver that somebody held up a video camera on.
CAROLLA: Right. Yes. I`m saying there`s physical abuse, there`s sexual abuse, there`s neglect. There`s all kinds of verbal abuse. I mean, there`s all kinds of horrible stuff going on all over the place right now. We just don`t have it on YouTube.
PINSKY: On video. But, T, you say it doesn`t justify this nonetheless.
T: Right. It`s just exploiting him, in my opinion. It`s just getting hilts and views for them doing that.
He`s a 6-year-old kid. He has no idea what those lyrics mean, but for them to put him out there in front of the world, people are judging him, making fun of him. You don`t do that to your child, because at the end of the day, the parents are not in the video.
This kid has to start school in September and everybody knows him as the booty popping kid. He has to face classmates and teaches and stuff like that. That`s going to affect him even 10 years from now.
PINSKY: That`s right. This is again the difficulty of the Internet. The stuff stays in there forever. Thanks, T, for that call.
CAROLLA: Can we find the kits` parents and do something to them in the town square?
PINSKY: We`re not allowed to judge. No shunning anymore.
Next, suppose you caught your partner flirting online. Is that cheating? Call in and weigh in on that, another topic. It`s 855-DRDREW5.
PINSKY: Welcome back. It is our sex and relationship Wednesday. I`m taking your calls 855-DRDREW5.
With me is my co-host from "Loveline," Adam Carolla. We`re starting to get the whole team back together here.
Now, to start out this conversation, although Adam is during the break was complaining that the fact that Charles Manson was kept at a beautiful piece of research -- up at San Quentin.
CAROLLA: Real estate.
PINSKY: What did I say?
CAROLLA: Well, I passed there recently. It`s picturesque, it`s bucolic.
PINSKY: And you`re angry.
CAROLLA: Why should Charles Manson get to hang out on a nicer patch of land than me? My dad lives in a crappy house in the valley and Manson overlooks the bay and the Golden Gate Bridge. Let`s kill him! Kill him.
PINSKY: You`re getting off topic.
The journal of sex research reports the average man things about sex 19 times a day, the average woman 10 times a day.
Adam, you`re less young than you used to be. The 19 times a day I suspect is for the younger men? You still up in the teens?
CAROLLA: Well, right now, I`m in my refractory period.
PINSKY: Right now?
CAROLLA: Right now. So I`m not really thinking about anything. I`m thinking about food.
PINSKY: A sandwich.
CAROLLA: Yes. I`m thinking about sandwich right now. But 19 times a day. But how do they count when you -- I mean, if you pass a billboard and there`s a beautiful woman in a bikini, then does that count as you thinking about sex?
PINSKY: And, what, do the guys walk around with a clicker because you have to remember across a day or they`re counting as they are having the thoughts. You know, it`s kind of a weird piece of research.
CAROLLA: To (INAUDIBLE) monitor, my friend.
Listen, when I became a Catholic big brother, they said to me, how many times a day do you think about sex?
CAROLLA: And I said three times. It was how many times I masturbated at the time. But I was said, if I say no, they`ll yell liar. I think they ask the question --
PINSKY: To make sure it`s not constant. Or to make sure you can --
CAROLLA: No. Because the real guilty guys do this, what? What? Then they jump out the window. So I just said three times. They said good enough.
PINSKY: And you became a Catholic big brother.
CAROLLA: I did.
PINSKY: Which is your main charity. You do that for years.
CAROLLA: Best sexy ever had.
PINSKY: Stop it.
According to a survey by "Men`s Health" and "Women`s Health" magazines, 70 percent - are we getting calls on that, guys? Do you want to get a call first before we go to this stuff about -- how many times a day?
OK. Let me get that call. Because the fact is men do think about sex -- oh, no calls -- a lot more than women. That`s the testosterone-driven.
CAROLLA: Almost twice as much.
PINSKY: Yes, it`s more now.
Let`s go to another survey --
CAROLLA: Nineteen to 10, right?
PINSKY: In that survey. But as you appropriately sort of said, that`s a hard survey to really document.
CAROLLA: Yes, but let me say something. You are a man of passion. I`ve talked about this many times. Your sexual metronome and this ain`t that thing. This is your penis, OK? Yours is like --
PINSKY: This is a television show, it`s not a podcast.
CAROLLA: Yours is like a windshield wiper on --
PINSKY: Yes, yes, yes.
CAROLLA: Whereas I`m a little more --
PINSKY: Yes -- that`s sort of your general -- look, your pulse is 40.
CAROLLA: That`s right. Yes, that`s right. So I`m saying it`s not all guys. Not all guys are wired the same.
A lot of women are wired like guys.
PINSKY: That`s absolutely true.
CAROLLA: They scare me.
PINSKY: They scare you?
CAROLLA: You know those women with the crazy jaw lines, like really hypersexual? You know what I`m talking about. They scare me.
PINSKY: I don`t. But let us go on to the survey by "Men`s Health" and "Women`s Health" magazine, 70 percent of women and -- I don`t want to scare you -- and 45 percent of men say flirting online is cheating.
So, the question is, do you all agree? Call us, 855-373-7395.
Do you believe it`s cheating?
CAROLLA: It`s cheating for a woman. No. It`s cheating for a man, not for a woman flirting online.
PINSKY: Generally women get much more disturbed by men having any interaction with another woman that has an emotional content or any kind of intimate exchange, even without touching. Men get very upset about physicality and plains being crossed.
CAROLLA: I will tell you the truth. This is how it works. Men flirt with intention. They do everything with intention.
PINSKY: Yes, with the drive.
CAROLLA: We`re not just kicking tires. We want to drive away.
PINSKY: Yes, yes.
CAROLLA: Even if it`s previously owned. You know what I`m saying? We don`t go flirt just because it makes us feel good about ourselves. We want to close.
CAROLLA: Women flirt and feel good about themselves and feel desired.
CAROLLA: And feel sexual and that`s fine. Then they can just go away and take a super long bath and masturbate to some guy whose face they don`t recognize from work somehow because they`re nuts. But when men --
PINSKY: Men have direction.
CAROLLA: We have direction. I wouldn`t go online and be talking up with some chick to feel better about myself. I feel sexy in my under pants now.
PINSKY: Let me take a call from Cathy. Cathy in New Jersey. Cathy, what do you got?
CATHY, CALLER FROM NEW JERSEY: Yes, I`ve been married 27 years and it`s not -- it`s not -- it`s not cheating.
PINSKY: It`s not cheating? If you do it or he does it or either of you do it?
CATHY: I do it and I tell him about it, too.
PINSKY: See, again, wouldn`t you be upset if he did it?
CATHY: Nope, not at all. Go ahead.
PINSKY: But you have --
CAROLLA: You guys sound like you have a wonderful relationship. Go ahead, flirt your ass off, see what it gets you. I`ll see you in flirting hell.
PINSKY: You`re a little different, Cathy, than the average woman in that as Adam said, women engage in this, get gratified by it, get more upset with their partners when they do it.
Teresa in Illinois -- Teresa.
TERESA, CALLER FROM ILLINOIS: Yes, I actually broke up with my ex- husband because he would constantly cheat online. He would constantly flirt with other girls. He would solicit them for sex.
TERESA: And I found out about it all of these e-mails to this girl in London planning to have sex with her some day. I was like --
PINSKY: Teresa, I`m sorry. That guy was not a good guy. Like Adam said, he was intending to do this. The flirting was not in any way innocent flirting.
CAROLLA: Well, we have two Internet modes. We have pleasure ourselves to pornography and then we have flirt with intent to close the deal. By the way, I don`t think you can break up with your husband. I think it`s divorce.
PINSKY: I think that`s what that is.
CAROLLA: I think break up with your boyfriend. You divorce your husband, right? Although my parents broke up for like 10 years.
PINSKY: And didn`t divorce.
PINSKY: You always said they were too lazy.
CAROLLA: First off, they had no possessions to divvy up and also it cost $80 to get divorced.
PINSKY: Thus we have the book "Not Taco Bell Material" where you can hear Adam go on about the misery of his childhood which I`ve heard about.
CAROLLA: Only 335 pages.
PINSKY: There it is again.
Next up, would you allow your partner to videotape you during a sexual act? Call us on now. We`re going to ring on that, 855-DRDREW5.
PINSKY: Welcome back. It is what we call our sex and relationship Wednesday. Tonight`s special guest is the great Adam Carolla. And, of course, you can check his podcast.
Tell me, Adam, where we can get that?
CAROLLA: Go to iTunes or adamcarolla.com.
PINSKY: The number one downloaded podcast in the world.
CAROLLA: That`s right. Just broke world record.
PINSKY: I`ve been showing up on that once in a while.
OK. Get this, 21 percent of men surveyed by "Esquire" magazine admitted they had themselves videotaped during sex, 21 percent. That`s one in five guys.
So, the question is, would you allow yourself to be videotaped? Call us 855-DRDREW5.
I`ve got Lisa in Florida. Oh, Florida, this should be good -- Lisa.
LISA, CALLER FROM FLORIDA: Hi, Dr. Drew. How are you?
PINSKY: I`m great, Lisa. What do you got?
LISA: Well, basically, you know, I`m 41 years old and me and my boyfriend did flip the video of us and did save it to my laptop, and I want to say that it`s not a good idea. It may be fun and sexy at the time, but it`s not a good idea because nowadays, they have so many people hacking into everyone`s computers.
PINSKY: But, Lisa, I`m not sure -- do you think somebody is going to go, oh, Lisa from Florida, I`m going to hack into her computer and get that.
CAROLLA: I want to see anonymous 41-year-olds from Florida having sex, man. I`ve got to get into this thing.
No. We want to see Paris Hilton having sex and Kim Kardashian.
PINSKY: But still, I think what she`s expressing is this feeling like somebody could get ahold of this. I think that`s the deal, Lisa. I mean, the stuff can get out and once it`s out, it`s out for good.
CAROLLA: It`s also one of these things where, yes, it`s hard to unring that vaginal bell, as my grandfather used to say.
PINSKY: Thank you. That`s nice.
CAROLLA: Once it`s out, it`s out. Then you have kids and you always have to kind of worry about what the heck they`re looking at.
CAROLLA: And as a woman there`s a little more stigma attached to it, although in a society that`s refused to judge anymore, like I said, Kim Kardashian made $86 million last year. She got it all started with a sex video. It`s like --
PINSKY: It`s changing.
CAROLLA: It`s changing very, very quickly. By the time my daughter`s like in high school, it`s going to be, you don`t have a sex video? Oh, my God, let`s ridicule her.
CAROLLA: Let`s shun her. Yes, we need a scarlet "p" for prude because she doesn`t have a sex video out. My son, they`re going to be, like, what? You`re not bi?
Oh, my God, do you hear this? Carolla isn`t into dudes! Let`s get him!
PINSKY: How close minded.
Let`s stay in Florida for a minute here, Adam. Let`s go to Robin in Florida. We have an old game we used to call Germany or Florida. We may clue you into that depending on what Robin says.
ROBIN, CALLER FROM FLORIDA: Hi, Dr. Drew. How are you?
PINSKY: I`m great. Thank you for calling.
ROBIN: I do feel that relationships and private moments are never private when there`s a videotape around. And when the relationship breaks up and the relationship`s over, those videotapes and pictures are all over the Internet.
ROBIN: And when people get divorce or break up, they`re angry and they`re bitter, and there`s so many emotions --
PINSKY: That somebody might send it out, like Twitter it.
ROBIN: And revenge is one of them. Nothing is safe when it`s on tape.
PINSKY: All right, Robin. Thank you for that comment. Before we go to break, Adam, you have to leave us, again, iTunes, download the podcast. It is "Not Taco Bell Material," the book. I`ve got here.
And quickly, we`ve got about 30 seconds. Explain to people Germany or Florida before we let you go.
CAROLLA: Well, I figured out at the writer`s table over Jimmy Kimmel`s show that every bizarre show emanated either from Germany or Florida.
Yes, not your random homicide and arson and that kind of stuff. But when somebody, you know, buys somebody`s genitalia over the Internet and then cooks it and has a party and consumes it, that`s Germany or Florida.
PINSKY: One or the other.
CAROLLA: Each and every of time. It`s not -- well, it`s Seattle or the Netherlands. It doesn`t work that way. It`s either Germany or Florida. I don`t know why all of the bizarre people in Europe are attracted to Germany and all the bizarre people in the United States are attracted to Florida. But for some reason it`s like some kind of weird funnel for weirdoes.
PINSKY: Must be in the air. Thank you, Adam, for joining. I`m pretty sure I`ll see you again.
Coming up, the worst mistakes people make. And, again, the phone number, 855-373-7395. Worst mistakes in the bedroom that men make. And workplace romances, good idea or a recipe for disaster? Again, call us.
We`ll be right back.
PINSKY: Straight ahead on this sex and relationship Wednesday, what is the biggest mistake people make in bed? And is sex with a co-worker OK? I`m live taking your calls about anything sex and relationship related. That is at 855-DRDREW5.
Welcome back. This is what we call our sex and relationship Wednesday. Now, according do a new survey by "Men`s Health" and "Women`s Health," not sure if it`s new, but it`s by these magazines, the worst of mistake a partner can make is rushing foreplay.
Call now, 855-373-7395. I want to know about these mistakes.
Joining me to discuss, Steve Santagati, author of "The MANual," emphasis on man and president of Bad Boy`s Finish First Ink, and Claudia Jordan who is an actress, model, and radio host.
All right, Steve. Does that surprise you, those findings, men rushing through?
STEVE SANTAGATI, AUTHOR, "THE MANUAL": No, because men look at foreplay. Some men, not this guy.
PINSKY: Of course not.
SANTAGATI: Of course not. Men look at foreplay like waiting to get on the ride at the amusement park. Like, come on, we`re starting at the same time. We should be able to have an orgasm at the same time. Let`s hurry this up. But they don`t realize how women think.
PINSKY: Not just think but how your bodies work, right?
CLAUDIA JORDAN, ACTRESS AND MODEL: How we`re wired. The thing is this, a lot of times like, you know, you guys can just pretty much mount anything. For us, it`s like more -- we have to be there mentally so we have to get there. So, help us get there, and we`ll be into it more and will be able to be more free to you.
SANTAGATI: But don`t you think in all honesty it has a lot to do-- I can only help you along. You have to help yourself, too. Like, I can`t be there doing all the work for you. Like, I can start at 10 o`clock in the morning, start making you feel sexy, blah, blah, blah, if you want to have sex like 10:00 at night, but you know, you`ve got to have to do a little work, too. You have to get into it.
JORDAN: Well, maybe you need to work on your techniques.
PINSKY: OK. Hold on. Let`s get a phone call. Danielle in Massachusetts, you want to ring in on this. Go ahead, Danielle.
DANIELLE, MASSACHUSETTS: Hi, Dr. Drew.
DANIELLE: I think foreplay is essential to have great sex. And this includes emotional and mental foreplay as well as physical. To me --
PINSKY: Yes. I think that`s a very good point is that very often men and women don`t even understand what they`re just talking about when they say foreplay. And what I always tell to the confused young males is --
SANTAGATI: Why are you pointing at me?
PINSKY: Because you seem to be one of these guys -- is what women are talking about is dinner, conversation. Am I right?
JORDAN: Yes. And I wasn`t trying to insult your techniques. But, it can start early in the day as a text message with us, and we`ll start thinking about you. That gets the motor kind of running and revved up.
PINSKY: All you hear is Charlie Brown`s teacher. Wawa, wawa, wawa.
SANTAGATI: No, no. Look, I think that women, you know, they have to play a certain role, but they want to get worked into sex. It`s more than just the dinner and the text message. It`s kissing, the way you touch them, the way you grab their hair, and that game of throne style I was talking about earlier.
JORDAN: That`s mocking --
SANTAGATI: That`s a bomb thing.
PINSKY: All right. Is that Connie I`ve got up next? Connie, are you with us?
CONNIE, CALIFORNIA: Yes, this is Connie.
PINSKY: Hey, Connie.
CONNIE: Hi, Dr. Drew.
PINSKY: Hi, Connie. What do you got for us?
CONNIE: Oh, well, I actually was calling about your other topic, but I hear we switched over to foreplay.
PINSKY: You go ahead. These two will take on anything. That`s the great thing about live television.
CONNIE: Well, I`m kind of going to go in the other room. When I lived in Europe, my first marriage, I was young, I was 19, and we were talking about if you would do a sexual tape with your husband or something like that.
PINSKY: Oh, right. Right.
CONNIE: Well, I was young and vulnerable and I did. We`re good friends to this day, and I wonder -- I don`t have the nerve to ask him whatever happened with that.
PINSKY: And she makes sure she remains a good friend just in case resentments mount.
JORDAN: You have to. They kind of own you if they keep the tape.
SANTAGATI: No. Hold on a second. Hold on. You`re giving -- let me tell you something. Everybody out there that has made a sex tape, please relax. You know why? Because no one cares unless you`re a celebrity. There is way too much pornography on the internet that is lit well, shot well, with actresses and actors allegedly that know what they`re doing.
This is what a guy does with the sex tape. An immature guy will show his friends, hey, look at this girl. That`s the guy that`s an idiot, and thank God you`re not with him anymore.
JORDAN: But what guy is not immature, though?
SANTAGATI: I`m not.
PINSKY: And imagine, they`re in high school or something and this gets out into their little community --
SANTAGATI: So, for how long? If you`re running for president, who cares because they`re sleaze bags any way. But if you`re not running for politics, you`re going to become some kind of --
PINSKY: Steve, put yourself back into an adolescent. Brain set realized how mindset -- it`s easy for you to do.
SANTAGATI: It`s easy for me to do.
PINSKY: But it still could be devastating when your social community is looking at this.
SANTAGATI: Yes. It could emotionally affect you, yes, as a teenager, as an 18, 19, or in college if everybody is saying, you`re a tramp or you`re this and that and everything. But in the big picture, it doesn`t really matter, because -- you know all guys do with those is masturbate. And then when they`re sick of it, they move on.
JORDAN: Put people -- with social media, it`s so easy to ruin someone. If you`re hostile or you have resentment for that person, you can literally go on Twitter and all day tweet the video out and make it like --
PINSKY: It can be pretty intense when people get --
SANTAGATI: So, in general, don`t do a sex video with anybody under 30.
PINSKY: I`m just saying, unless you`ve been in the eye of the storm, it can be really problematic and then people have taken, you know, done things to themselves or had to change their lives because of stuff that goes on social media these days. People are brutal in social media.
JORDAN: Have you made a tape?
SANTAGATI: But now, we`re talking about bullying. Yes, I`ve had. Of course, I have.
PINSKY: Bullying goes on in social media. Lee in Texas. Lee, real quick there, what do you got?
LEE, TEXAS: Yes. I think that -- well about the foreplay, I think it`s very important for the man and woman to be (INAUDIBLE) to hold off and concentrate. You know, because they can do that, and so, you know, we`re up there and then, like, as soon as we`re up there, then it only takes him a matter of second. Foreplay is very important.
SANTAGATI: She`s right. And you know something, if guys knew -- like if you can just kind of chill out and hang in there, you`re going to be known as the best lover ever because most guys don`t do foreplay. So, if you`re that guy, you will have girls calling you for years.
JORDAN: That`s true, because a girl will run her mouth and tell everybody how great you were at the foreplay, so you`ll get free advertisement. So, you might as well not rush in and just --
PINSKY: I think -- but underlying all of this is, again, such a common thing, when we discuss these topics on Wednesdays, there`s a difference in how the male brain and the female brain works for the most part.
PINSKY: And even when you start talking about topics like foreplay, you don`t even realize you`re talking about the same thing. You`re not talking about the same thing when you discuss these things. And it`s important, Claudia. I`m going to let you emphasize on our way out what you mean. You`re talking about conversation.
PINSKY: You`re talking about time spent just looking and meeting eyes. You`re not talking about what goes on once the doors close necessarily.
JORDAN: It`s not so OK, I must grab her boob now.
PINSKY: No, no.
JORDAN: Now, put my hand on her butt. It`s not that. It`s all the other stuff that, you know, if you work on us mentally, we`re going to get --
JORDAN: -- physically.
PINSKY: Interpersonal. It`s being present with the other person. Steve, I know you know this, but we have to make it clear for everybody else.
Up next, office romances. Is it OK to date a co-worker or even a boss? Those calls and more coming up.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Why is this happening?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I didn`t know that I was in love with you until --
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You cheated on me with your ex-boyfriend.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Let`s break up.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What did I do now?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You are too supportive.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We break up, I apologize, everything`s fine.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Sounds like a super healthy relationship I had fight for it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY: That was a clip from HBO`s "The Newsroom." Now, there are a few exes and love triangles spinning in that office. So, the question here is, if you had a co-worker relationship, a survey out says that 31 percent of women had intimate relationships with a colleague.
With me to discuss are Steve Santagati, author of "The MANual" and Claudia Jordan, model, actress, and radio host. We`re taking your calls about interoffice romance or workplace romance. Call now, 855-373-7395. I`m going to go right to call. Who is my first caller out there? Come on, guys. There it is. It`s Jorlena in Florida. More Florida tonight. Jorlena, what do you got?
JORLENA, FLORIDA: Hi, Dr. Drew.
PINSKY: Hi, Jorlena.
JORLENA: Hi. I just want to say I think sex in the workplace can be a big disaster, but dating, definitely -- you don`t want to pass up to be your future husband or wife.
PINSKY: Well, I`ll tell you what, Jorlena, one of the consistent pieces of research that shows up is that if you`re going to be in a relationship with somebody, proximity, meaning being near that person, increases the probability that you`re going to have a relationship with that person. So, if people are working or in school, naturally a workplace is going to happen, right? A little knowing look in that eye.
JORDAN: I`ve done it once before a long time ago, and it was great at first because I was always at work. But then, when it starts to go bad, it`s not so good because you got to make your money.
PINSKY: You can`t go away.
JORDAN: You can`t go away. And you know, like, what are you going to do?
SANTAGATI: I think it`s hot. I think having an office romance --
SANTAGATI: No, hold on. It`s hot because it`s wrong, and it`s really fun. But, if you`re going to have an office romance, number one, nothing in writing. Do not use the computers, do not tell your friends. You have to be mafia quiet.
PINSKY: Wow, you guys.
SANTAGATI: But, and I will say this, have I done it? No, because I`ve never worked in an office. But I would. No, I wouldn`t it. It`s stupid. It`s really stupid because you don`t pooh where you eat.
PINSKY: Cathy in Ohio, let`s hear your opinion on this -- Cathy.
CATHY, OHIO: Hi, Dr. Drew.
CATHY: I think it is very possible to have a positive workplace romance.
PINSKY: Tell me.
CATHY: My husband and I met while at work, and we dated for a year. We married a year after we met and we`ve been married for ten years.
PINSKY: Let me ask you, Cathy. Did -- the relationship -- were you co-workers or did he have any sort of authority over you?
SANTAGATI: He does now.
CATHY: Well, a little bit of both. We worked in a prison.
SANTAGATI: Oh, nice! Nice! I love it! I love this!
PINSKY: Tell me the relationship. We`re fascinated.
JORDAN: That would be hot.
SANTAGATI: Sounds like a video right there.
CATHY: Yes. You`re not kidding. It really helps, let me tell you. He is a corrections officer, and at that time, I worked in the pharmacy. And we met over a phone call actually, and we didn`t see each other because we worked across the compound. And, it was about three months just talking on the phone before we decided on our first date.
PINSKY: That`s nice. That`s cool.
CATHY: It was crazy from there, but yes, the correction officer, you know, bad inmate, that really works.
PINSKY: Did you what she`s saying? She gets (ph) dropping in there - -
SANTAGATI: I love it. I want to hear the rest of the story.
PINSKY: I`ll tell you what bothers me, Cathy. Your story doesn`t bother me, I think, it`s fantastic. But, what bothers me is when there is a mismatch in the authority structure. That is bad times. That is really bad news. Not only is whatever company that the authority person, person of authority has the organization is at risk, you`re exploiting somebody who`s in powerless position.
JORDAN: Plus, you don`t know like when your boss is giving you, you know, the direction he was probably giving you before if he`s taking something out on you because he`s mad. Like, I worked out a store in the mall. I`m just going to keep it real. Long time ago, and I was like, why do I have to fold sweaters now?
SANTAGATI: You know, women are doing this now. Do you know the female bosses, as they step up in the ranks, are actually sexually harassing younger guys --
PINSKY: I don`t think it`s just men. I think this goes for everybody.
JORDAN: But when we do it, it`s hot. When you do it, it`s not.
SANTAGATI: I agree.
PINSKY: All right. After the break, we`re going to talk about whether it matters or not how many people, say a spouse, has slept with. Is that an issue or is it an issue when you`re getting engaged or is it an issue with who you decide you`re going to date. We have a caller on the line. OK. I guess, he`s there now, and he says he has slept -- wow! This is must be something just called in. He says he has slept with over a thousand women.
SANTAGATI: He`s an athlete.
PINSKY: Slow down. That`s coming up next. You can call with these sorts of topics and whatever else at 855-373-7395.
But first, I`m going to take a call that pertains to our HLN`s "Our Country Votes."
All right. We`ve got Jason in Wisconsin wants to talk about candidates` wives. Jason, tell me about this.
JASON, WISCONSIN: Hi, Dr. Drew.
JASON: I vote for the candidate and not what the -- not the candidate`s wife. I want to know how the candidate is going to approach the major issues like healthcare, the economy, and whatnot.
PINSKY: And you`re just ringing in saying that the wives should not even be part of the campaign?
JASON: They can be a part of the campaign. They can help, but I don`t -- it doesn`t matter to me where they stand on the issue. It`s more important for me to understand where the candidate stands on the issue.
PINSKY: I think a lot of people would agree with that. I mean, these are going to become our first ladies, and that may have some meaning for some people. But, these days, there`s a lot of problems need to be solved.
And, I think a lot of people are very supportive of not just the candidates, I think the candidates` character has always been something that people worry about, but these days, it is the positions on the issues.
Thanks for that call, Jason. Again, we`re going to switch back to our topics and go to break and take your calls after we return.
PINSKY: Again, it is sex and relationships Wednesday, and I`m back with Claudia Jordan and Steve Santagati. And we`ve been taking your calls about love and sex-related issues. So, we`re going on to an "Esquire" magazine survey asking the question, how many partners are too much?
This magazine survey found that 22 percent of men have had more than 20. So, Claudia, should a man`s number make a difference to a woman?
JORDAN: It should, but it`s just not realistic. They`re not going to tell you the right number. And 20 to me? I live in Los Angeles. We`d be happy to find a man that had 20 partners.
SANTAGATI: It`s called he`s fat. He`s very fat, probably has two teeth.
JORDAN: Men are really -- like really, like an average man, is in the hundreds.
SANTAGATI: Do you ask guys, though?
JORDAN: I don`t even bother anymore.
SANTAGATI: What if a guy asked you?
JORDAN: You tell them three.
PINSKY: And should -- for Steve, should the women`s number matter to a man?
SANTAGATI: Women always ask me how many girls I`ve slept with, and they`ll never get that number, and I don`t want to know about how many guys you slept with because it grosses me out. I don`t even want to see a picture of one ex-boyfriend. Never mind. I think, at the end of the day, you have to be good in bed.
And I don`t care how you got there, unless, you -- I don`t want any kind of -- I`m adamantly against prostitution, call girls all that stuff. But if you -- usually -- to digress for a second, you know who the best women in bed are? The women who have been in long-term relationships. It`s so strange.
PINSKY: Oh, listen, we all come back to that. It`s so strange. Steve`s, like, how is that possible? Relationships are healthy for people. That`s --
SANTAGATI: Not all people.
PINSKY: Stable, sustainable -- they are healthy. I`m not saying that it`s for everybody, but it`s healthy for everybody.
SANTAGATI: It can be.
PINSKY: Just statistically our health data.
SANTAGATI: Statistically tells McDonald`s is not bad either.
JORDAN: No. But they say people live longer when they`re in relationships --
PINSKY: Particularly men are better. But let me read this to you, guys. This is a biographer who says that Mick Jagger slept with somewhere around 4,000 women. Gene Simmons reportedly nearly 5,000, and I guess we have a phone caller that sort of in this zone, Robert in California. Robert, is that you?
ROBERT, CALIFORNIA: Hi. This is Robert.
PINSKY: Go right ahead, buddy.
ROBERT: Yes. I`ve had a lot of experiences with women dating back to my teenage years. And I`ve found that it`s been beneficial because it started out as conquests, then it grew into actually understanding and listening to women and actually having a desire to please them.
PINSKY: So, you developed a conscience is what you`re saying.
SANTAGATI: How many women did it take before you figured this out there, Bobby?
ROBERT: Well, I would say after about 200 --
ROBERT: -- I started figuring that. It`s probably more about them than me, and if I want a call back, it`s probably a good idea.
PINSKY: Wow. You have to go to -- you have to hurt 300 people --
SANTAGATI: Not hurt. Come on!
JORDAN: He probably left a trail of women that probably were expecting --
SANTAGATI: Would you stop? Like you`re some victim. How did I learn how to be bad? By women like you. That`s how I do, because you broke you know what (INAUDIBLE). You did all these kinds of things. The women are not these -- would you guys all stop? Women are not these fragile little creatures that guys are walking on?
Yes, there are sleaze bags out there. We don`t know if Bob broke these hearts. I`m guessing these 200-plus women didn`t have a gun to their head. Just stop it now.
JORDAN: I`m so tired of men like you who get broken up with one time in the ninth grade and then it`s like, the hell with all women.
SANTAGATI: I`m not like that.
JORDAN: You are!
SANTAGATI: What are you going to stay?
PINSKY: I was going to say that the biology of what goes on in a women`s brain during an intimate physical encounter is very different, and they get bonded.
And even when they don`t want to and they want to deny it and suppress it and try to drink it away or deny it or whatever, they wake up in the morning and they`re in an altered state many times, not always and not all women, but there is that potential there even when they try not to be. And if you are a man and you`re rampaging and you don`t pay attention to that, you`re going to hurt somebody.
Steve, I`ve got to say goodbye. Thank you for joining us. I know you got more to say. Bring it back to say more. I`m actually going to keep Claudia in here to help me because I`m going to ask her questions. I need a female perspective. Questions on these topics after the break.
PINSKY: Welcome back. I asked radio host, Claudia Jordan, to stay with me during these calms about sex and relationship to get the female perspective in here. I dismissed Steve. Dismiss, get out of here.
JORDAN: Smart man.
Let`s go to Kallie in Texas -- Kallie.
KALLIE, TEXAS: Hi, Dr. Drew.
KALLIE: I just want to -- yes?
PINSKY: Go ahead.
KALLIE: Are you there?
PINSKY: We`re here. You`re there. Go ahead.
KALLIE: I`m here. I just want to say that I believe they should only have one sexual partner and that`s your husband or wife. I am 24 and I`m a proud virgin because I know my future husband is going to be a virgin. And my friends used to say, hey, what if the sex is bad?
And I go, what do I have to compare it to? I know it`s going to be great, because my husband is going to wait for me. It`s going to be awesome.
PINSKY: Pretty good, right?
JORDAN: I mean, a lot of women probably wish they could go back in time and save their virginity for that husband. But, you know, the pressures -- I remember being in high school and everybody else had done it before me. Like, I was definitely a late bloomer. There was so much pressure. And then you think you`re in love. You think this is going to be the one and then you rush into it.
PINSKY: Yes. Kallie, good. Congratulations. We`ll give you a standing ovation for hanging in there. I mean, I`ve talked to many couples that believe by doing that, they have preserved something special. And it`s not the routine these days, it`s not the standard, but you know, if you think it should be the standard or can help contribute to that standard, ain`t nobody I think going to really argue with that. Gail in Kentucky.
GAIL, KENTUCKY: Yes. Hi, Dr. Drew.
PINSKY: Hi, Gail.
GAIL: I have a question. I`ve been married about nine years and I found out my husband was going to lap dances, and I was wondering if you consider that cheating.
PINSKY: I consider it -- it`s not cheating. I mean, again, you may feel, otherwise.
JORDAN: No, I don`t.
PINSKY: But I tell you what, it is disturbing and inconsiderate if he understands that this is something that would be hurtful to you, which I imagine it would be.
And that`s always my gravest concern when a partner acts out in ways without being either able to stop, in which case that`s something that needs treatment or not being willing to consider the other person`s point of view and appreciating that they`re harming them with their behavior. And that really troubles me. Would you agree with that?
JORDAN: Yes. I don`t think that`s cheating at all, but the fact they`re lying about anywhere they`re going even if they say I`m going --
PINSKY: Most women will not dig this, going to strip clubs or having lap dances. Most women would be very disturbed --
JORDAN: I`m trying to be more realistic about --
PINSKY: I understand you`re trying to suppress your feelings and deal with men that way, but the fact is, if you really loved somebody and they were doing that, wouldn`t that be kind of a violation?
JORDAN: -- trying to take money out of our kids` mouth, I guess --
PINSKY: I`m just saying. I wouldn`t --
JORDAN: -- be crazy about it, but I don`t consider it cheating.
PINSKY: OK. It`s some other category than cheating, but it something that --
JORDAN: A gray area.
PINSKY: A gray area.
Well, I hope you guys learned a little something tonight. Claudia, thank you for joining us. I hope Steve didn`t disturb you too much by giving his point of view. He`s always good for something interesting and a strong point of view, nonetheless.
All right. Thank you all for watching, and of course, thank you all for calling in. Again, on Wednesdays, we`ll continue to have these sorts of topics. We have a 24-hour call in line. Leave a message, we`ll call you back, 855-DrDrew5, and Nancy Grace begins right now.