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Sacked Over Illness?; Teen Sex Caught on Tape
Aired November 27, 2012 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DR. DREW PINSKY, HOST (voice-over): Teens, sex, and videotape. A teenage boy on a school field trip is caught on tape having sex with his girlfriend. He says he`s humiliated.
The parents are suing the school. But some say the parents are fighting the wrong fight. Should they be upset with their son or the school?
Teen sex and technology, a bad combination. And you parents out there need to know what is going on.
And a primetime scandal. Beautiful actress Jennifer Esposito said she was released from a TV show because of a health condition. She`s here to tell us the behind the scenes story.
Let`s get started.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY: First up, Jennifer Esposito is a gorgeous Hollywood star who`s been on a hit CBS TV series "Blue Blood." Many of you may look at her and say, oh, my God, she`s got it all. She has everything. She`s on a hit show.
Jennifer says she collapsed on the set and then was suspended because of her medical condition.
Jennifer Esposito, thank you for coming. Appreciate it.
JENNIFER ESPOSITO, TV STAR SUSPENDED FROM SHOW: Thank you for having me.
PINSKY: So I`m confused. What happened? You were sick, you fall over on the set and they say you`re out of here? That doesn`t make sense to me.
ESPOSITO: Well, I have celiac disease, was diagnosed four years after many years of misdiagnosis.
PINSKY: The day you collapsed, what was that all about? What happened?
ESPOSITO: Because of undiagnosed celiac for so long, developed leaky gut syndrome, dealing with what that comes along with.
PINSKY: So you have chronic diarrhea?
PINSKY: Leaky bowels is chronic diarrhea syndrome.
ESPOSITO: No, that`s not always the case. I was developing major food allergies. And what had happened was I was eating things every day that I was allergic to and didn`t know it.
PINSKY: Let me just say it, when somebody passes out, it`s called syncope. You go to the emergency room --
ESPOSITO: I didn`t pass out.
PINSKY: Did you go to the emergency room because you fell down?
ESPOSITO: No, I was taken back to my doctor, I had to get I.V. I was so low --
PINSKY: So, you were dehydrated.
ESPOSITO: So dehydrated from the allergies that I was having.
PINSKY: So you passed out from dehydration?
ESPOSITO: I didn`t pass out.
PINSKY: You fell over because of dehydration.
PINSKY: And because you were dehydrated, they fired you or suspended you?
ESPOSITO: No. What happened was, the week prior, we had said -- my doctor taken his blood tests.
PINSKY: What blood tests?
ESPOSITO: Whole bunch of blood tests. And my blood test came back.
PINSKY: What blood tests?
ESPOSITO: Blood tests.
PINSKY: What blood tests? I`m a doctor. This is what we`re talking about.
PINSKY: Hemoglobin levels.
ESPOSITO: Right. So, what was coming back I was allergic to a multitude of things.
PINSKY: So you were seeing an allergist.
ESPOSITO: No, I`m seeing a regular doctor that also treats celiac disease, and told me I was allergic to all of these things. I had blood pressure, low heart rate and said she needs to work a lesser amount.
ESPOSITO: And the next week, it didn`t happen.
PINSKY: So you`re on top of the world. This is what people want to know. You`re on top of the world. Everybody thinks you have everything, you get a condition, and then you start getting unable to function. They pressure you at work?
How`s that -- take us through that. What was that? I mean, how can people understand what that was really like when they think you have it all and yet --
ESPOSITO: Well, that`s the problem with this disease. That`s why I so wanted to discuss this, it`s because celiac disease is an autoimmune disease. And a lot of people don`t understand. You think you eat a gluten-free diet and therefore you`re better.
And that`s not the case. So for, like I said, 19 years, I went undiagnosed. It caused damage -- nerve damage from it. I have damage in any gut of things not absorbing. So I`m not getting enough nutrients.
So you can be on top of the world, it may seem. And that was some of the comments. And that`s why I`m coming out to talk about celiac disease.
PINSKY: OK. Not many people can relate to that. But many people can relate to, you know, somebody who seems to have it all and then is like a human being just like everybody else.
PINSKY: What it feels like to sort of lose that and how you struggle with that -- what is that like?
ESPOSITO: It`s horrible. It`s horrible for anyone. And that`s why I want to talk about it. And the number of e-mails I get every day saying thank you because a lot of people are misunderstood by their families, by their jobs. You may look OK and it may look fine.
But on the inside, to get up every day and know that every single meal is a risk to you and you feel it instantly. And it could be in any shape of what has happened to me and when you say collapsing and falling down, my knees would give out. And the weakness and the tiredness and the exhaustion and not getting nutrients causes an array of problems in your system.
To then have to explain to everybody what you`re feeling when they cannot see it is very difficult.
PINSKY: It`s -- I`m doing a special right now on HIV and what it`s like. It`s called "I`m Positive". And what it`s like to live with a medical condition where no one can see it. You look great.
PINSKY: That`s what most people can relate to.
PINSKY: What`s it like to be a certain image and then on the inside not feel right?
ESPOSITO: That`s exactly why I`m trying to really make people understand what this disease is about. Picture this, for 20 years going to the doctor and saying I feel ill. Something is not right, major problems with the stomach. But also I had extreme anxiety problems, panic disorder, hair falling out, extreme sinus pressure and infections all the time.
To hear that for 20 years then be told you have this disease and still really no map to navigate -- to have to then consistently explain further to loved ones, to family, to friends, to workers that you`re not well. It takes a toll.
PINSKY: Are you better now?
ESPOSITO: You know, better? I`m better. I`m not falling down. That`s one thing. But, you know, it`s every day.
I have major swelling today because of God knows what I ate yesterday.
PINSKY: We asked CBS for a statement and they declined to comment apparently.
So, Jennifer, do you see yourself going back to the show?
ESPOSITO: I love everyone on that show. I can`t say at this point. It`s been such a whirlwind.
But honestly I`m grateful for CBS to make this come out because a lot of people are more aware about this disease now. So I have to keep a positive of what went on.
PINSKY: So am I right saying this condition may prevent you from ever working again? Is that what you`re saying?
ESPOSITO: No, no.
PINSKY: So you look forward to --
ESPOSITO: Of course. I`m doing things personally now. And, you know, of course. And I wasn`t not able to work then either. That I just needed a reduced schedule.
As you know, running on TV especially an hour-long drama, you work 70 to 90 hours a week. So -- what a very good point that no one seems to understand is when I was hired, I was told it was a show about a family, and I was going to be a part-time person. That`s why I said yes, because I knew working 90 hours and my system --
PINSKY: Good news/bad news. You were so good they need more of you. But it was too much.
ESPOSITO: That`s exactly it. And it was wonderful, but it was -- two and a half years I did like that schedule. It`s just got right now, especially with what was happening, these ailment, that I needed to slow down a minute.
PINSKY: I think there`s a takeaway for anyone, though, which is that you have to care for yourself. Excessive working like anything else excessive in your like can take a toll. And then in your case, it had you -- for whatever reason, falling down at work and now you seem good.
ESPOSITO: I`m OK. Every day is a struggle.
PINSKY: OK. Well, thank you for sharing the story. We really appreciate it.
ESPOSITO: Thank you.
PINKSKY: Next up, the shocking story of a high school sophomore having sex with his then-girlfriend. This was on a field trip in like another country. This is while a classmate was secretly videotaping this on his cell phone.
The family is outraged and they`re here to tell their story. Teen sex and videotape.
Don`t go away.
PINSKY: Now on to a new story. Sixteen-year-old Anders Hemdal is joining us from Pennsylvania with his parents Stephanie and Nick.
Anders is on an overseas field trip when another student taped him having sex with a young girl.
Also joining us is Judge Karen Mills-Francis, host of "Judge Karen`s Court".
Anders, I`m starting off with you. You were a sophomore in high school. Tell me about this incident. You were on a field trip, and what happened and who taped you and how? What went on?
ANDERS HEMDAL, SECRETLY TAPED HAVING SEX WITH GIRLFRIEND: What pretty much happened was a group of my friends had -- we had found out that you could get out on to the roof. And we told some of the other friends which included my then-girlfriend. And she -- we decided to get together later that night. And I asked them to give me and my girlfriend some privacy.
And that`s when we decided to have sexual intercourse, and it was all great after that. I mean, after that we pretty much -- that`s pretty much how it -- how it happened.
PINSKY: Anders, let me interrupt you. So to understand this, one of your friends, I guess -- my understanding it was somebody on the soccer team with you, right? You`re a good student, you`re an athlete.
A. HEMDAL: Yes.
PINSKY: One of your athletes uses his cell phone to record this.
A. HEMDAL: Yes.
PINSKY: Who does he share it with? And what impact does it have on you and your girlfriend?
A. HEMDAL: I really have no idea who he -- any of the impacts, any of the people he showed it to. It could have been a smaller group of people. It could have been a much larger group of people. It could -- it`s really frustrating to not know who it`s -- who`s seen it. It`s devastating.
PINSKY: OK. Got it.
A. HEMDAL: And frustrating.
PINKSY: So he shared it with somebody. It`s not like he sent it out on YouTube. Stephanie, mom, let me go to you. You don`t know, I guess.
Stephanie, let me ask you. What has the impact been? Help me understand what this has done to your son, what this has done to the young girl involved here, what this has done to your family.
STEPHANIE HEMDAL, TEEN SOON WAS SECRETLY VIDEOTAPED DURING SEX: OK. So he returns home and was trying to handle this and keep this under wraps himself. Try to make it go away and this didn`t work.
So another parent informed us that their child had been offered to see it. And it`s our understanding that it was spread around the cool quite a bit. We never received any information one way or the other as to whether it was uploaded to the Internet. This information was unavailable to us.
We certainly hope not, but our fear is some day this could crop up again and haunt him. It may not be gone. The phone that the perpetrator made the video on was destroyed. So even the police could not find out whether it, you know, was still on there. It was destroyed. So forensics couldn`t get that.
PINSKY: Stephanie, who are you -- who are you angry with? The school? The kid? Help me understand where we`re putting this sort of blame for this incident.
S. HEMDAL: OK. Well, my husband and I were certainly disappointed with the judgment that our son used to have this trip be the location for this encounter. However, his biggest mistake was trusting his friends and the other individuals that were out of their room that evening to actually give them privacy.
And then when we -- when our son and my husband discussed with the school what had happened, hoping to get their assistance, hoping to contain this video, hoping to get it -- you know, contained within the school environment, they pretty much didn`t do any further investigation. They pretty much punished him without a hearing. They elevated what he did to a major offense which in their policy book is -- every one of them is a crime under the Pennsylvania crimes code.
So we feel as though they did not take the proper steps.
PINSKY: All right.
S. HEMDAL: They did not do a proper investigation.
PINSKY: All right. Let me -- fortunately, I have a judge here. So, let me go to my judge.
S. HEMDAL: OK.
PINSKY: Judge Karen, help me understand who you think is -- I don`t want to say at fault. Who is sort of responsible, who we should be pointing a finger at here? Is it the school? Is it the kid? Basically, the kid is recording a pornography, a child pornography, really -- the kid that records the tape.
JUDGE KAREN MILLS-FRANCES, HOST, "JUDGE KAREN`S COURT": Right.
PINKSY: I`m confused, Karen.
MILLS-FRANCIS: That kid is -- well, that kid has already been charged with a crime. I think that these parents have brought a lawsuit for defamation of character and invasion of privacy. And when I read the case, I wondered how has the school board defamed your son`s character and how has the school board invaded your son`s privacy?
PINSKY: Nick or Stephanie?
NICK HEMDAL, TEEN SOON WAS SECRETLY VIDEOTAPED DURING SEX: Well, I want to jump back into --
S. HEMDAL: It is the administrators that are in the case, first of all, not the school board. But go ahead.
N. HEMDAL: You know, the frustrations come from the fact that -- and the time line. We were informed -- I mean, clearly they`re -- they returned from the trip on Easter Sunday.
MILLS-FRANCIS: You know what? Let`s not go back over the facts.
We want to talk about the lawsuit. And the lawsuit accuses the school board superintendent of invasion of your son`s privacy and defamation of his character. So I wanted to understand what were those acts on the part of the superintendent?
PINSKY: Karen, before --
PINSKY: Karen, I have to quickly -- I have to take a quick break. We`re going to get to that question. I`ll encourage my viewers to think this through. Is there a fault here? Is the boy who shot the secret video?
Let`s hear your thoughts and comments on this. The number is 1-855- DRDREW5.
We got to take a quick break. Be right back.
PINSKY: And we are back with 16-year-old Anders Hemdal and his parents Stephanie and Nick. Earlier this year, Anders was having sex with his teenage girlfriend. He had no idea that a classmate was actually taping the whole thing on his cell phone. Anders, his girlfriend, and the boy who shot the tape were all suspended.
Anders` family now joins me.
And my understanding is -- this is to the parents, Stephanie and Nick -- that you brought a lawsuit against the school. That`s what Karen was commenting on. She was asking about that lawsuit. My producers tell me that you were so angry with the school and how they handled it that this suit you felt was necessary.
Tell us about that, and Karen I`m going to have you follow up.
S. HEMDAL: OK. Well, the suit has multiple counts. Karen asked us about two, the privacy and the defamation. The due process claims are also in the lawsuit.
Anders` privacy was invaded because the school disseminated information about not just for punishing him for days, but what their actual infraction or supposed infraction was.
The other thing is that he had no prior detentions, punishments, nothing in the eight years we`ve lived there. And now his teachers that he would be having, you know, only know this about him. And prior to that information being distributed, they would have only seen a good student, not a discipline problem.
S. HEMDAL: One who contributed to the school in many ways.
PINSKY: All right. Karen, let`s go back to --
S. HEMDAL: Hold on.
PINSKY: Let`s get back to the suit, Karen. Go ahead.
MILLS-FRANCIS: Now, what I heard Ms. Hemdal say was that his biggest mistake was trusting his friend.
You know, I wrote a book about this. I think the problem we have in society is the blame thing. I haven`t heard the parents accept responsibility yet.
Is it a big mistake that he was doing something in a foreign country that he couldn`t have done at school that I hope he couldn`t have done at your house? Isn`t it a bigger mistake that he was doing something knocking boots in such a public place that it could be videotaped? Isn`t it a bigger mistake --
S. HEMDAL: No, you misunderstand.
MILLS-FRANCIS: Let me say one last thing, ma`am. That he`s having sex in a Muslim country where it is criminal for unmarried people to have sex. I mean, where is the responsibility on you and your child? What`s your responsibility here?
S. HEMDAL: They were not in a public place. They were in a private hotel room. They were under the assumption that they had privacy.
S. HEMDAL: It is not a crime in this country for two teenagers to have sex, period.
PINSKY: Yes, it is.
MILLS-FRANCIS: You knew he was having sex. You knew he was having sex, ma`am?
S. HEMDAL: This was their first encounter.
N. HEMDAL: No, we did not.
MILLS-FRANCIS: So you did not know. You did not know they were having sex. And not only that, he also didn`t tell you about it when he got back at home, right?
S. HEMDAL: That is correct. His girlfriend did not want him to come forward to us. The kids were trying at the time to get this other kid to get rid of this video. He wasn`t admitting to have made it.
N. HEMDAL: The real issue is somebody -- he`s pursuing a normal thing. You know, I mean, this is -- teenagers do this.
It`s -- you know, I think the focus should be on the person making the video. Yes, we did file a lawsuit. I mean, the lawsuit was based upon the complete utter lack of due process. And yes, there are other counts that were added which the defamation and these types of things.
When we initially got notice -- told us what he was being charged with was inappropriate behavior.
S. HEMDAL: Right.
N. HEMDAL: OK? There was no rule in the rule book for sexual activity.
S. HEMDAL: Right.
N. HEMDAL: We had meetings and we involved an attorney. We had meetings with the school trying to basically just expunge his record. And we said we`d drop -- we`d do nothing else, you know?
S. HEMDAL: Prior to that, we just asked them to cite what rule in the rule book he broke. We asked them to explain --
PINSKY: Let me interrupt real quick. Karen, hang on, I`ve got to read a statement from the legal group representing the school district.
PINSKY: It`s -- this is the school district being sued by the Anders` family. The school district says, quote, "The school district and the other defendants will only litigate the facts and law applicable to this case in the appropriate court. The defendants are vigorously defending against the plaintiff`s claims and they anticipate the court will wholly reject those claims."
Now, listen, be careful what you say about normal activity with teenagers. In my states, the age of consent is such that even if it`s a younger teenager having sex with a girl, he still can be held accounted for rape. So, better look at the age there in that state.
MILLS-FRANCIS: I don`t know what it is there --
N. HEMDAL: Obviously, we met with --
MILLS-FRANCIS: Dr. Drew, I looked at the Pennsylvania code. And under the Pennsylvania code, if a school intends to suspend a student for more than three days, then the school must give the parents and the child notice and a hearing. Am I hearing that that did not happen?
S. HEMDAL: This did not occur.
N. HEMDAL: That didn`t occur.
PINSKY: Karen, hold up. So, there`s an issue, important issue. More on this story and a young woman who says her life was ruined when her X- rated images got on to the Internet. There she is. And your calls hopefully when we come back.
PINSKY: We are back with 16-year-old Anders Hemdal who was secretly videotaped having sex with his then-girlfriend on a school trip.
Joining us now is Dr. Steve Perry, the principal and founder of Capital Preparatory Magnet School.
Steve, before I go to you, I`m going to go back to my young man here.
Anders, you were 16 when this happened, right?
A. HEMDAL: Yes.
PINSKY: How old was your girlfriend?
A. HEMDAL: She was 16 also.
PINSKY: OK. So, that`s rape in Pennsylvania. So, you better be very, very careful that that girl`s parents don`t turn around and -- I understand teenagers have sex, but the fact is when the parents make an issue of it, it can be very, very messy. Judge Karen, are you still here with me on that? I see this happen a ton.
NIKLAS HEMDAL, SON WAS CAUGHT HAVING SEX ON TAPE: I don`t understand why the detectives would tell us that he`s in absolutely no trouble then. I disagree with you on that.
PINSKY: Karen, go ahead.
JUDGE KAREN MILLS-FRANCIS, HOST, "JUDGE KAREN`S COURT": You know what, the bottom line is, parents, is that we need to teach our children that there are consequences of every one of our choices. And instead of, you know, I`m seeing you not looking at your family, not looking at your son but looking on the outside for basically a four-day suspension.
It`s really not a big deal. He wasn`t expelled from school. If he wasn`t doing what he was doing, none of this would have happened. If he was fighting on that trip, he would have got suspended. If he brought drugs on the trip, he would have got suspended. If he had alcohol --
STEPHANIE HEMDAL, TEEN SON WAS SECRETLY VIDEOTAPED DURING SEX: And those are both crimes under the Pennsylvania crimes code.
NIKLAS HEMDAL: Those are crimes. I understand you want to equate what he`s done to a crime.
MILLS-FRANCIS: They may or may not be crimes, but they`re inappropriate. There could be some 18-year-old seniors that are drinking and it`s legal to drink in Morocco, but the school says while you`re in our custody, you don`t drink. While you`re in our custody, you don`t fight. While you`re in our custody, these are the rules.
PINSKY: Liz in California, Liz, go ahead.
LIZ, CALIFORNIA: Hi, Dr. Drew. Hi, Judge Karen. So, while I`m listening to this, I feel like the biggest issue is more that there was a student who whether he knew it or not just made child pornography. And that is the hugest crime behind all of this. Whether or not the student gets suspended, whatever, it`s four days, it`s not the biggest deal of the world.
But now, we have a student that just made child pornography. What are the repercussions for that student and how is it effecting Anders and his family?
PINSKY: It`s a really important question. I`m going to go to Steve Perry who`s a principle at the school. Steve, help us sort this all out for us. There`s a lot of layers to this, please.
STEVE PERRY, FOUNDER, CAPITOL PREP MAGNET SCHOOL: There are a lot of layers. And when we have a child in our care, they`re in our care, no matter where they are, whether they`re at a football game, which is offsite because it`s not on our campus or up there in Morocco, they`re in our care. The same level of care that you expect within the school should be expected outside the school.
So, two children, even if they wanted to consent, were having sex within the school, it`s still on school grounds. The expectation is that when you send a child to us, we will uphold a certain level of care for the children. And quite frankly, I`m so sick and tired of parents missing the point. Your child had sex and did so in front of other children. That`s the problem. And they got --
STEPHANIE HEMDAL: No. You misunderstand. He did not have sex in front of other children. These people hid outside a window and taped him (ph). He was private in a room alone with the girl. Period.
PERRY: The fact that other children --
HEMDAL: This was private consensual sex.
STEPHANIE HEMDAL: This other person was peeping outside the window.
NIKLAS HEMDAL: You know, you`re right. He needs to be responsible for his behavior. But so do the adults that adjudicated it.
STEPHANIE HEMDAL: That`s right.
NIKLAS HEMDAL: So, you know, it`s not just, you know, looking at the parents and saying, oh my God, they think their kids above the law or this type of thing. No, we don`t think that.
No, but we do think the more serious crime here is the kid who did the videotaping without their knowledge. They were not in their presence. They hid outside this window --
MILLS-FRANCIS: It was not outside a window. What your son said in the beginning was that they found a way to get out through the roof, and apparently, that`s where the sex took place.
STEPHANIE HEMDAL: Incorrect. That is incorrect.
PINSKY: Go ahead, tell us.
PERRY: Drew, here`s the thing. As a principal, I`m suspended every singing person. I`m suspending the kid with the video. I`m suspending the kids who had sex. And in fact, as you mentioned earlier, we often find ourselves in a situation where a parent decides, you know what, actually, I`m not OK with my child having sex.
And therefore, I am going to prosecute if in that state they are under the age of consent. We are the educators. We have a public responsibility to ensure that our children are safe at all times. And in one method of determining safety is whether or not they are or not having sex.
PINSKY: Liza, please.
PERRY: I need to make this point. In a classroom, we would not allow a child to have sex in a class-sponsored activity, we would not. It`s just that simple. And I`m not really sure what the argument here is. If you want your child to have sex, then have at it. Go with God. But it`s your houses where they get to do it. Not on a school trip.
PERRY: Get over it. Move on with a four-day suspension. Move on.
MILLS-FRANCIS: That`s how I look at it, too.
STEPHANIE HEMDAL: And you would have equated what they did to a crime under your school policy where there is no policy for this.
PERRY: You don`t need to commit a crime to be suspended. You could shout out at a teacher and be suspended.
NIKLAS HEMDAL: But would you have had an informal hearing?
NIKLAS HEMDAL: Would you have given written notice? Would you have a policy that you could tie back to to say what they actually broke? Is there something in the student handbook to say what they did.
PERRY: Here`s the point. Everything that a child does and can be suspended for cannot be written out in full detail. That`s the fact. There has to be some room for reason. There has to be some room for a principal --
PINSKY: Guys, I`ve got to jump in. I`ve got to jump in. Steve, thank you. Steve, I`m with you. We`re out of time. I think Karen made a point a few minutes ago that there was -- there is a policy for due process. Is that right? Karen?
MILLS-FRANCIS: Right. And the way I read the Pennsylvania code is that if it`s more than a three-day suspension, the parents are to be given notice and a hearing. And if that wasn`t done, then they have a basis.
PINSKY: OK. So, they have a basis. All this, there are so many layers to this story, I`m getting -- my head`s starting to spin, but we know one thing for sure that although Steve says it may be difficult, they have a written policy that Karen has come upon. And on that basis, the parents have a basis for this suit.
Now, I`m going to keep this conversation going. I`m going to bring a young woman in who says her life was ruined when X-rated images got on to the internet. She`s been through what this poor young man has been through, Anders. And keep the calls coming. I`ve got some calls just lined up here. I`m trying to get to them. Be right back.
PINSKY: A scandal erupted after a 15-year-old high school sophomore was secretly videotaped having sex with his -- her boyfriend at the time, actually. We haven`t talked about the girl yet. We have the boy and his family. We`ve been talking to them. Joining us to discuss this, Ally Pereira who says that she, too, had X-rated images leaked first on the internet and it nearly ruined her life.
Ally, you were 16 at that point. Tell us what happened and can you relate to what Anders is going through here?
ALLY PEREIRA, EX-BOYFRIEND POSTED TOPLESS PICS ONLINE: I was 16 and a sophomore in high school. Me and my first boyfriend ever had just broken up when he said he would get back together with me if I sent him a topless picture. And so, I did it without even thinking about it. Overnight, my picture was forwarded to everybody in his contact list.
It went to four high schools, four middle schools, even to four elementary schools in my county. And prior to this picture, I was a straight A, fully involved girl who went to church every Sunday and I had a really great reputation. That was just completely shattered because of this picture.
PINSKY: Again, this is the -- this is what I want parents to kind of think about out there. It`s when the internet with technology is involved with our kids. It can have unintended effects that we can`t even have imagined. Anders, I want to go back to you. There`s all these layers of your story swirling around you.
The adults are having a big heated conversation. You`ve been kind of quiet. Where are you at? What do you want to do with all this? Can you relate to what Ally is saying? Do you want to say something to her? Do you want people at home to know something on what you`re experiencing. Go ahead.
ANDERS HEMDAL: Yes, I can completely relate to what she`s gone through. I mean, it`s -- after I got home, my life fell apart. I mean, the core group of friends that I had really fell apart. There was a lack of people who I could rely on, people who I could talk to. My friends, every -- my entire school was separated on this.
So, some of my friends went this way. Some of my friends went that way. When I broke up with my girlfriend, it made it worse. When we started suing the school, it got even worse. I mean, there`s not really -- it`s -- there`s not really any people who I can go to. And it`s ruined the sports for me.
I had to play a different sport because I didn`t want to be on the same soccer team as the videographer. And it`s -- and in school in the hallways, walking by him in the hallways, having to see him just being -- acting like he`s done nothing wrong. It`s really been terrible.
PINSKY: Anders, I just want to say I can understand. Listen, everyone has been a 16-year-old and knows how already difficult that is. I can just imagine how miserable this must be. I am so sorry you`re going through this. There`s lots of layers to it. The adults are going to continue swirling around you with their issues on this.
But at the core, it`s you and it`s this -- your high school experience being shattered by this. And I`m so sorry for that. Are there -- is there a message you can give other young people out there sort of -- both you an Ally, in fact. I mean, you`re the young people who have been through what technology does to young people. What`s the message?
ANDERS HEMDAL: The message is definitely be careful who you trust with personal pictures. Be careful who you trust. Make sure that what you send to people, you know what you`re sending or make sure that you really - -
STEPHANIE HEMDAL: Don`t put anything out there.
ANDERS HEMDAL: Don`t put anything out there that you don`t want everyone to see.
PINSKY: Right. And Ally, do you have anything to add to that?
PEREIRA: In my case, it`s a lot different than Anders, because he wasn`t aware that he was even being videotaped. I knew and was aware what I was sending to my boyfriend. And, I think the whole topic of know who to trust is very true. Don`t take naked pictures, because in your state, the sex offender laws are different. And you can actually have to register as a sex offender for just sexting.
PINSKY: Right. Well, listen. I`m so -- Ally, first of all, thank you for sharing your story down with us here. I appreciate it. And I appreciate the Hemdal Family, and particularly, Anders for, you know, going through this and speaking clearly to your peers. Obviously, Judge Karen, Steve Perry, we appreciate what you have to say as well.
I hope that by this going further with this suit, it`s not worse for Anders. But based on what Judge Karen was saying, it sounds like there is something there that they have a right to question.
Next up, a woman who says that she was born as a result of an affair, and that to this day, her life is now ruled by sex. she called herself a sex addict and love addict. I know a little bit about that with some of my patients. We`ll talk to her, her story, your comments, next.
PINSKY: Welcome back. We are on to a new story now. Mandy Stadtmiller says her entire life has been defined by sex. She calls herself a sex and love addict. And she`s not sure what you can do to control it anymore or maybe you do now. Mandy, how -- my understanding is you`ve had a long polygenerational history of this sort of thing, right? You were born out of wedlock.
MANDY STADTMILLER, PDOUCT OF EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR: No. I was -- what I say is that I kind of have the mistress trifecta because I have a lot of empathy for people who have affairs because my father was given up for adoption as a result of an affair with a married man. So, I wouldn`t exist if that affair hadn`t happened.
STADTMILLER: And then when I was married, my ex-husband cheated on me. And I always thought women who did that were scum and then I --
PINSKY: Because of what happened to your family, you felt strongly about it?
STADTMILLER: No. I just was devastated to be lied to and kind of humiliated like that. And I just never thought it would be -- I would be that kind of woman. And then, I ended up having an affair with a married man.
PINSKY: So, you went from being angry and disgusted with that kind of woman to becoming that kind of woman.
STADTMILLER: Yes. Yes. And I only recently -- I have over like two years sobriety and I was really partying a lot when I did that.
PINSKY: So, that was part of your addiction back then?
PINSKY: So, as often the case as people can become -- really make horrible choices in their relationships in their addiction disease. And in fact, in part of the treatment, you have to deal with your sexual improprieties and making amends and things. But sometimes, what happens is when people get sober, sex addiction steps in. Is that what happened with you?
STADTMILLER: Yes. I started sexually acting out. And, I was really reluctant to identify that way, because like the joke that I made is my therapist always says I kind of deflect with humor. So -- but it`s just that, you know, --
PINSKY: What would you say?
STADTMILLER: It was easier to say that I was an alcoholic but saying I was a sex and love addict was like saying I was part of tall blondes anonymous because it like hit kind of close to home, you know?
STADTMILLER: Because I feel like there`s -- yes. Yes. And it was only when I really realized that, you know, it didn`t have to mean you were, you know, at a ridiculous degree like prostituting yourself or something.
PINSKY: It can go there. It can go there.
STADTMILLER: Yes. Well, it didn`t. Although, I mean, one time, I`d said there was like a really low point like I definitely flirted with that on craigslist. I said I was looking for someone to, like, help with -- you know? Yes, exactly. And I was just, like, what the F am I doing?
PINSKY: Was that the bottom?
STADTMILLER: No. Ahm --
PINSKY: So, in spite of nearly coming to prostitution, it got worse. It got worse.
STADTMILLER: Oh my God. My parents are going to be so proud. But I didn`t. Yes. I mean, I -- I guess, I just, I`m trying to like have a healthier view, because I think I -- I`ve written about this on -- I write about my life for XOJane.com. And I wrote about losing my virginity to rape when I was 15 from a kind of distant family member. And I feel like that`s defined a lot of my life. It`s just --
PINSKY: And that`s a very common heritage. Women that have sexual compulsions, a rape or sexual abuse in childhood, those sorts of experiences --
PINSKY: They can get reenacted compulsively which is sort of crazy maybe.
PINSKY: Let me ask this, Mandy.
PINSKY: You say that infidelity is -- trying to solve infidelity is like the war on drugs.
PINSKY: -- will never happen.
PINSKY: What do you mean by that?
STADTMILLER: Well, I think that I used to have -- I think something broke inside me when I found out about some of the affairs that my ex- husband had. And I now come to it with, like, kind of a more realist viewpoint like that if I got married again, I wouldn`t necessarily even expect, like my ex-husband to be 100 percent faithful.
PINSKY: Isn`t that sort of sad?
STADTMILLER: Yes. It is sad.
PINSKY: OK, good. At least, you`d like to hold guys to a higher standard.
STADTMILLER: I would. Yes. And I think -- I mean, and when you said, like, you know, what have I been doing lately like I feel like I`ve had some like meaningless sexual encounters that have just made me end up feeling empty. And, like, when I`ve been really depressed, like --
PINSKY: Mandy, what are we going to do about this?
STADTMILLER: I thought you were going to, like, hug me for a second.
PINSKY: Well, I wouldn`t go (inaudible). But let me just say, there are things -- there`s help out there. Are you reaching out for help? You said therapy. STADTMILLER: Yes.
PINSKY: Are you doing any of the 12-step types?
STADTMILLER: Yes. Yes. I mean, I haven`t really -- I haven`t really gotten, like, a sponsor. And I have trouble kind of figuring out like what -- the problem is when you`re sober, like sex is kind of the one last vice that you have. You looked like you were going to slap my hand.
PINSKY: I will not. That`s all your projections. I feel bad that you`re going through this. But let me just say, sobriety is about being sober and honest about everything.
PINSKY: Not leaving one little door open because that`s still where the disease crawls through.
PINSKY: Mandy, we`ll continue to read your story. It`s XOJane.com, is that right?
STADTMILLER: Uh-huh. Yes.
PINSKY: I`ll be looking. This is your story. This is it.
PINSKY: We`re catching you midway and your resolution of all this. I`m glad you want to hold people to a higher standard.
STADTMILLER: Thank you.
PINSKY: You haven`t given up. Don`t give up.
STADTMILLER: Thank you, Dr. Drew.
PINSKY: Thank you, Mandy.
And when we come back, I`ve got a really interesting sort of story about what you`re going to see tomorrow. So, stay with us.
PINSKY: I`m actually very excited because tomorrow, I`ll be interviewing three young people who are being featured in a program called "I`m Positive." Young people with HIV. What is it like today to live with that condition? How do their peers feel about? How do they date? What is their treatment like? Take a look at this.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I have HIV.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Seriously?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Seriously.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I don`t know really know what to say to that.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I know.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: When, how?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: My ex. He cheated on me.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: When you first say mom, I`ve been diagnosed, you know, with HIV, to me it was one word. Death.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Right.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: And I said Lord, why my daughter?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Right.
PINSKY: You will meet Kelly and Stephanie as well Otis tomorrow. The hour-long documentary airs at 7:00 p.m. this Saturday. And this Saturday also happens to be World Aids Day. I`ll be hosting an after show at MTV.com. And tomorrow, I want your calls and questions on this topic.
You can call us. We even take your calls now. 855-DrDrew5. And, I`m looking forward to that. I think it`s a really interesting show. It`s not what it used to be, used to be HIV. When I was first working with HIV as a resident, people would come in with the first PCP pneumonia and we would sit down and say you have six months to live. Now, people live decades with this condition.
Thanks to the Hemdal family, Nick and Stephanie, as well as Judge Karen, Steve Perry, Ally Pereira, Mandy Stadtmiller and Jennifer Esposito (ph). Thank you for watching. Nancy Grace right now.