Editor’s Note: Brenna Ehrlich and Andrea Bartz are the sarcastic brains behind the blog and book “Stuff Hipsters Hate.” Got a question about etiquette in the digital world? Contact them at email@example.com.
Thankfully, there have been a few new tech ideas that have yet to find an audience
Tech writers: It's a good thing that Google's Project Glass isn't off the ground
Web CEO: We're not ready for a Siri that actually works
The turkey has been stuffed and so have our arteries; our now-corpulent bodies have crawled over corpses in a consumerism-driven fit of of lust and now, finally, we’re back to rot at our desks, wistfully gazing toward the glimmering mirage on the horizon known as “Christmas.”
As you look out on that coupon- and candy-trimmed future, we’re sure you’re reflecting on all that has gone by this year: All the milestones and memories. All the mistakes and monstrosities.
Well, dear ones, so have we – and, being tech writers, those reflections have naturally turned Web/mobile-ward. Sure, there have been tons of exciting innovations unleashed upon the masses this past year, but there’s also a passel of new ideas that we’re glad never caught on.
In order to compile a list of said ideas, we tapped some the tech scene’s finest for their input. Check it:
1) “As awesome as 4K (or ‘Ultra HD,’ as the tech wants to be called now) will be (So. Many. Pixels.), I can’t help but shake the feeling that the same problems that snuck up on people with the spread of plain-ol’ HD are just going to get worse. Not even spray-on HD makeup will be strong enough to cover up all of the pores. There’s going to be a lot of angry reality TV show participants.”
– Seth Porges, Co-founder of Cloth
2) “A Siri that actually works. As a human society, we’re not ready yet for an intelligent being that lives inside our phones. Sure, Siri can fetch you the weather and add appointments to your calendar, but it can’t communicate with another Siri and find the best time for that conference call. There isn’t real artificial intelligence that lives and breathes inside our phones yet. Siri, and Google Now and other apps can synthesize and retrieve data, but ultimately they cannot decide for us. Yet.”
– Ben Huh, CEO of the Cheezburger Network
3) “AirBnB for drones.”
– Ian Hogarth, CEO & Co-founder of Songkick
4) “I am glad that the automatic, pervasive check-in hasn’t yet become a reality. You can see the beginnings of it with Path’s auto-stamp of where you are when you open the app (unless you disable it, which most seem to do), but it isn’t part of mainstream social media platforms like Facebook and foursquare. Yet.”
– Leslie Bradshaw, President, Chief Operating Officer & Co-Founder of JESS3
5) “HotOrNot-enabled vanity mirror.”
– Aaron Koblin, Data Arts Team, Creative Lab at Google
6) “Twitter going AdWords and showing me ads based on what I’m tweeting about. That could be interesting on some days, vile on others.”
– Caryn Rose, Director of Product Development at Billboard.com
7) “Google’s Project Glass. Google originally promised that it would ship beta versions to developers at the end of 2012, but as of Nov. 26, those who pre-ordered are still waiting. Good thing, too. While Project Glass sounds super-cool on the surface, the idea is also kind of creepy. Not only do the glasses look weird on everyone who isn’t a runway model, I can’t help but find the overall idea distracting. Plus, can you imagine how difficult it’s going to be walking across a busy street, dealing with people not just engrossed in their cell phones, but literally looking ahead and focused on inanimate objects?”
– Christina Warren, Senior Tech Analyst at Mashable
8) “Software that can predict a hit song.”
– Tim Westergren, Co-founder of Pandora Radio
9) The ability to see who looked at your profile on Facebook. We can only imagine the carnage that would ensue if our collective stalking history were unleashed unto the world. Zuckerberg have mercy on our souls.
– Brenna & Andi