5 tips that may save your wedding (and your sanity)


Story highlights

  • Wedding planning, along with the ceremony, can be tense and nerve-wracking
  • Kat Kinsman recommends preparing for glitches and keeping a positive attitude
  • Incorporating friends and family in the planning and preparation can be a relief
  • Brides and grooms should expect (and plan for) the unexpected
When you get married, ideally it's for keeps. That's wonderful and devoutly to be wished for -- but you're also left with a wide and weird base of knowledge that you'll (hopefully) never use again.
My husband and I planned our wedding in the course of 83 days, and by all accounts, things went pretty well for both us and the guests. Friendships were forged, food and drink were savored, a baby (not ours) was made, and everyone left danced-out, hung-over, happy, and asking us if we would please consider hosting a wedding reunion the next year.
I also got a crash course in managing my stress levels, tempering my expectations, leaning into the people who love us, and all sorts of other emotional matters that the glossy bridal mags might not necessarily cover. Six-and-a-half years later (and still going strong!), perhaps a bride- or groom-to-be might find these tips a useful addition to their hope chest.
1. Give in to the chaos
The ice swan may melt, the sound system could go on the fritz, it might rain toads -- you'll still be just as married as you would have been had everything gone according to plan.
I spent countless hours fussing over hand-writing little table cards, decoupaging candle holders, researching glove lengths and going over all possible natural disasters that could keep our loved ones from attending our nuptials. All that did was stress me out and deflect from the actual purpose of the day: marrying the man I love, in the company of our friends and family.
Then a wise, kind friend offered some perspective. She told me that the two of us could serve Tic-Tacs and iced tea in a 7-Eleven parking lot, and everyone would be just as happy, because they'd be there to celebrate the union of two people they love. While I still put in some fretting hours after that, it helped me see the wedding as being less about perfection, and more about celebration.
2. Remember that they're all rooting for you
The author and her husband Douglas, minutes after their wedding
Say something does go off kilter -- you trip on your hem and faceplant into the cake, the wedding elephant has an accident on the floor or you fumble the name of your beloved a la Princess Diana. If people laugh, it's because it's all part of the grand story that's unfolding -- not because they're gleeful about a screw-up. They're there because they're on your side and are grateful to be part of this momentous occasion, and if they're not, why the heck are they at your wedding? Seriously, take a look at that guest list and snip, snip, snip.
3. Let your loved ones help -- but on your terms
My husband and I had a fairly DIY wedding -- both to cut down on costs and to put our own stamp on the ceremony that would mark the beginning of our married life. We also didn't have a wedding party, because it was a small-ish event and we didn't want people to feel left out.
So we asked people if they'd like to help in ways that didn't cost them anything, celebrated their talents in ways they were happy to share, and where we provided supplies and general guidelines. Two musician friends sang as we walked down the aisle, an artist friend carved pumpkins to decorate outside, my sister-in-law rallied willing guests to arrange the flowers we'd bought and picked, and some writers crafted a ritual that celebrated our communal love of food.