‘As if!’ The 20 best lines from ‘Clueless’

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Cult comedy "Clueless" came out 20 years ago this month

Today the 1995 movie is a cultural touchstone for a certain generation

Loosely based on Jane Austen's "Emma," it cleverly updates that classic story

CNN  — 

It’s hard to believe it’s been 20 years since “Clueless” introduced us to the singular world of spoiled ’90s Beverly Hills teens and their fondness for plaid, horrible driving and strange phrases like “he’s a Baldwin.”

The Amy Heckerling comedy was released July 19, 1995, with a cast of unknowns but became a cult hit and made a star of Alicia Silverstone. Two decades later, it’s a cultural touchstone for a certain generation – hello, 35-year-olds! – and one of the most beloved high school comedies ever.

Viewed today, “Clueless” manages to feel dated – “I can’t find my Cranberries CD,” says one character – and yet somehow timeless. No wonder Iggy Azalea paid homage to the film last year in her video for “Fancy.”

Loosely based on Jane Austen’s “Emma,” the movie cleverly updates that classic story of romantic entanglements for the flip-phone crowd. Main character Cher, a popular but air-headed teen, plays matchmaker with mixed success while realizing there’s more to life than trips to the mall.

Heckerling’s script captures the spirit of Austen’s witty repartee as Cher (Silverstone) and stepbrother-turned-love interest Josh (Paul Rudd) trade snarky putdowns before finally succumbing to each other’s charms.

Here’s a look at 20 of “Clueless’ ” funniest lines and exchanges, in no particular order.


Cher (to Dionne, who is wearing a flamboyant hat): “Been shopping with Dr. Seuss?” Dionne: “Well at least I wouldn’t skin a collie to make my backpack.”


Dionne (to Cher, who is driving): “Hello? There was a stop sign.”

Cher: “I totally paused.”


Cher (during a classroom debate): “So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, ‘What about the strain on our resources?’ Well it’s like when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday, right? I put RSVP ‘cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not RSVP I was like totally buggin’. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.”


Cher: “As if!”


Cher: “Would you call me selfish?”

Dionne: “No, not to your face.”


Josh (mocking Cher upon her arrival at her house): “Hey, who’s watching the Galleria?”


Dionne: “Phat! Did you write that?”

Cher: “Duh. It’s like a famous quote.”

Dionne: “From where?”

Cher: “Cliffs Notes.”


Cher (to her family’s maid): “Lucy, you know I don’t speak Mexican.”

Lucy: “I not a Mexican!” (she storms off)

Cher: “Great, what was that all about?”

Josh: “Lucy’s from El Salvador.”

Cher: “So?”

Josh: “It’s an entirely different country.”

Cher: “What does that matter?”

Josh: “You get upset if someone thinks you live below Sunset.”


Tai (to Cher about Amber): “Do you think she’s pretty?”

Cher: “No, she’s a full-on Monet.”

Tai: “What’s a Monet?”

Cher: “It’s like a painting, see? From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess.”


Cher: “Isn’t my house classic? The columns date all the way back to 1972.”


Mel, Cher’s dad: “So, what did you do in school today?”

Cher: “Well, I broke in my purple clogs.”


Cher: “I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of Special K, three pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, five peanut butter M&M’s and like three pieces of licorice.”


Cher: “I want to do something for humanity.”

Josh: “How about sterilization?”


Cher (to Elton after Tai gets hit in the head at a party): “If it’s a concussion, you have to keep her conscious, OK? Ask her questions.”

Elton (to Tai): “What’s seven times seven?”

Cher: “Stuff she knows.”


Josh (to Cher, who is training for her driving test): “You want to practice parking?”

Cher: “What’s the point? Everywhere you go has valet.”


Cher (about Christian): “He does dress better than I do. What would I bring to the relationship?”


Mel (to Cher, who is about to go out in a revealing dress): “What the hell is that?”

Cher: “A dress.”

Mel: “Says who?”

Cher: “Calvin Klein.”


Murray: “Your man Christian is a cake boy!”

Cher and Dionne: “A what?”

Murray: “He’s a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy, know what I’m saying?”

Cher: “Uh-uh, no way, not even!”

Murray: “Yes, even. He’s gay!”

Dionne: “He does like to shop, Cher. And the boy can dress.”


Cher (about Josh): “OK, so he is kind of a Baldwin.”


Cher (narrating, after she and Josh kiss): “Well you can guess what happened next …”

(The movie cuts to a couple at the altar)

Cher: “As if! I am only 16, and this is California, not Kentucky.”