Story highlights
Children as young as 2 begin learning stereotypes, report says
Parents and teachers should "poke holes" in gender stereotypes, expert says
Ask a group of New Jersey fifth- and sixth-graders about the differences between girls and boys, and at first it gets a tad uncomfortable.
“That would be kind of awkward,” said Tyler Schlegel, who is in his last year at Lincoln Elementary School in Caldwell, New Jersey.
Once I clarified that I wasn’t interested in the physical contrasts but wanted to know whether he and his classmates thought there were other differences between boys and girls, he relaxed quite a bit.
“Oh, that makes more sense,” he said.
I asked gender questions such as: Who is smarter? Who raise their hands more? Who is better at sports: girls or boys?
“Boys get in trouble more, but it depends who it is,” Tyler said.
“Girls, I know, like to wear makeup, a lot of them, and boys don’t,” said Toniann Garruto, a fifth-grader.
“In the classroom, there is definitely more gossip with the girls,” said Casey Wescott, who just started middle school.
“Boys are usually stronger or faster; that’s what my brother likes to say,” added Fiona Laddey, another fifth-grader.
As they answered, you could hear stereotypes already forming, even in elementary school, which was not a surprise to Katie Hurley, a child and adolescent psychotherapist, writer, speaker and author.
Children are internalizing the messages they hear from their parents and teachers and what they see on television and in video games, movies and music, she said.
“The best thing parents can do is really poke holes in all those things,” said Hurley, whose books include “The Happy Kid Handbook: How to Raise Joyful Children in a Stressful World.” “Instead of hiding all the magazines with the ads that make you shake your head and think ‘that’s not what women look like,’ open those magazines, point out those ads and say, ‘can you believe this? Tell me what you think is wrong with this picture. What do women really look like?’ ”
Stereotypes set in at an early age
According to a recent report by Common Sense Media, “Watching Gender: How Stereotypes in Movies and on TV Impact Kids’ Development,” gender stereotypes play a big role in teaching boys and girls what the culture expects of them.
Children between the ages of 2 and 6 learn stereotypes about toys, skills and activities that are typically associated with each gender, according to the analysis of more than 150 articles, interviews, books and other research. Kids between the ages of 7 and 10 start to attribute certain qualities to women and men, such as that men are aggressive and women are emotional.
“Sadly, the stereotypes that we see in media are very problematic and as big business continues to market specifically for girls and boys, gender-based norms are only becoming more ingrained,” Jayneen Sanders, an author, publisher and advocate for gender equality education at home and in schools, said in an email. “Our girls see little choice other than pink and ‘cute’ in (the) girl’s section and our boys see no other choice than blue or grey and ‘rough and tumble’ in the boy’s section,” said Sanders, author of several books for children including “No Difference Between Us.”
This gender stereotyping continues to be reinforced “every hour of every day” online, on television and in games, songs and books. “And because the adults in these children’s lives see and perpetuate the same messages, gender stereotyping continues to be reinforced in our homes and classrooms,” Sanders said.
Hurley, the psychotherapist, said she regularly tears out ads from magazines and uses them as a discussion point in her groups focusing on girls and their empowerment. Her daughter once came to her laughing after she saw a woman in skinny jeans and stilettos mopping the floor.
“We always say this for girls, it’s becoming somewhat commonplace with girls: ‘Let’s break apart the media. Let’s poke the holes. Let’s say princesses aren’t real,’ ” Hurley said. “But we have to do it with boys too, because you see these male advertisements for power protein things and these impossibly muscled enormous men with no shirts on, and we have to see that for boys, too. We have to give them the same opportunity to say, ‘hey, this is not what every man in the world looks like.’ “
‘Boys will be boys’ and ‘girls will be girls’
Parents can help teach their kids about gender equality by never using gender as an excuse for behavior, experts say.
“Do boys roughhouse? Sure, but so do girls,” Hurley said. “I have a son and a daughter, and my daughter is way more a roughhouser than my son.”
And just as we associate rough play and being aggressive with boys, we are quick to give girls the “mean girl” label, she said.
“I hear this all the time from girls: ‘Well, my mom told me she’s a mean girl’ or ‘she’s one of the mean girls,’ and we have to stop saying that,” said Hurley, whose newest book, due out in the winter, “No More Mean Girls: The Secret to Raising Strong, Confident and Compassionate Girls,” is all about the need to move away from the mean girl narrative to raise empathetic and compassionate young people.
“One of the biggest things we do is, we put kids in a box, girls in one box and boys in another … and then the two boxes we create are negatively charged,” she said. “We’re kind of like challenging them to live up to it.”
Then, when we get to the college level and we hear about sexual assaults on campus, we ask ourselves, “Why is this happening?” Hurley said. She argues that it’s because children have been raised with a message that “boys will be boys.” “They’ve been learning that since they were 5,” she added.
Sanders said parents and teachers should make sure