CNN  — 

President Donald Trump stopped by a local Coast Guard station in Florida on Thursday to celebrate Thanksgiving. While there, he gave a speech extolling the virtues of the Coast Guard “brand” and talking about how everything is now better thanks to, well, him.

I went through the speech and picked out a handful of the oddest quotes. Happy Black Friday!

1. “But if you were looking at it as a brand, there’s no brand that went up more than the Coast Guard, with what happened in Texas.”

The Coast Guard brand has never been higher! We are moving all sorts of Coast Guard merch right now!

2. “You saved 16,000 lives – nobody knows that – 16,000 lives.”

Trump routinely cites this 16,000 number. I couldn’t find where he gets it, however. The closest I came was this piece from September that says the Coast Guard rescued just north of 11,000 people in the wake of Hurricane Harvey.

3. “That was a big water job, right? It kept coming in and going back.”

Trump on Hurricane Harvey aka “a big water job.”

4. “I think that there is no brand, of any kind – I’m not just talking about a military brand – that has gone up more than the Coast Guard.”

These Coast Guard hats are flying off the shelves! Same with the Coast Guard inflatable anchors!

5. “I still haven’t figured out how people take their boats out into a hurricane.”


6. “I don’t know – I mean, they go out in a boat and they think, I guess, they’re – you know, they’ve got a wonderful boat, they’ve had it for years, it can weather anything.”

I christen thee the Flying Wasp!

7. “Now, should we leave the media here to do the questions? Or should we tell them to leave?”

Ha ha ha! Oh wait, the free and independent press is the bedrock of democracy.

8. “And it’s nice that you’re working for something that’s really starting to work.”

Sort of a remarkable statement here by Trump. What he’s insinuating is that the military wasn’t working under President Barack Obama but is back to working now with him in charge. Happy Thanksgiving!

9. “Your whole, long life, the stock market is higher than it’s ever been. And that means your 401(k), all of the things that you have, whether it’s – even if you’re in the military, you have a country that’s really starting to turn.”

According to the pool report, Trump was pointing at a small boy when he said this. Kids are always thinking about their 401(k)s, right?

10.”I was asking the Air Force guys, I said, how good is this plane? They said, well, sir, you can’t see it. I said, yeah, but in a fight – you know, a fight – like I watch in the movies – they fight, they’re fighting. How good is this?”

“A fight – like I watch in the movies.”

No words.

11. Even if it’s right next to it, it can’t see it. I said, that helps. That’s a good thing.”

Trump’s right. If I could have any super power, I think I would choose invisibility. Or maybe mind-reading. Or a tub of glue I shoot at people.

12. “You know, when we sell to other countries, even if they’re allies – you never know about an ally. An ally can turn.”

Hey allies! We are watching you! And we don’t trust you! Eyes on you, Australia.

13. “A little bit – keep a little bit – keep about 10% in the bag, because what we have – nobody has like what we have, and that’s what we’re doing.”

I ALWAYS “keep about 10% in the bag.”