MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA - SEPTEMBER 20:  Olivia Newton-John speaks to the media prior to the formal opening of the Olivia Newton John Cancer & Wellness Centre at Austin Hospital  on September 20, 2013 in Melbourne, Australia.  (Photo by Robert Cianflone/Getty Images)
Olivia Newton-John addresses health rumors
01:11 - Source: HLN

Editor’s Note: Peggy Drexler is a research psychologist and the author of “Our Fathers, Ourselves: Daughters, Fathers, and the Changing American Family” and “Raising Boys Without Men.” She is at work on a book about how women are conditioned to compete with one another and what to do about it. The opinions expressed in this commentary are hers. View more opinion on CNN.

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This week, Olivia Newton-John revealed the heartbreaking news that her cancer has returned for the third time. She has Stage-4 breast cancer. She also revealed in an interview with 60 Minutes Australia, that she doesn’t want to know from her doctors how long they think she has left to live.

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Many might question her decision. Others, though, might sympathize. Other than facing the death of a child, accepting a timeline for one’s own impending death is arguably the most incomprehensible human experience. There is no right or wrong way to do it. And yet, like any choice, from a psychologist’s perspective, there are costs and benefits to keeping yourself and your loved ones in the dark on your prognosis.

Newton-John’s rationale, as she explained it on “60 Minutes” Australia, is, “If somebody tells you, you have six months to live, very possibly you will because you believe that. So for me, psychologically, it’s better not to have any idea of what they expect or what the last person that has what you have lived, so I don’t, I don’t tune in.”

She’s not alone in not wanting to know. A 2016 study published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology found that only 5% of patients with less than six months to live had an “accurate understanding” of how long they had left, and 38% had no memory of their doctor giving them a life expectancy estimate. This lack of clarity in such a large population of patients happens for a variety of reasons. Often, the sheer trauma of a terminal diagnosis causes patients to forget. Some doctors don’t tell their patients because they believe it will be too traumatizing. And some doctors engage in what researchers call “necessary collusion,” or in other words, an implied agreement not to speak of death with patients who don’t want to know.

It sounds as if this is the route Newton-John is pursuing. Which, of course, is her right.

At the same time, while it’s true that humans are incredibly resilient creatures who survive all manner of physical setbacks, many researchers and doctors express concern that excessive optimism, as they call it, or a fervent desire to be shielded from the imminence of death can result in undue trauma for patients and their families in the final months and weeks of their lives. They may opt for grueling, painful treatments when there is no real hope of recovery, or spend a traumatizing month in the ICU when they’ve passed the age at which their bodies are capable of recovery, and would be happier in hospice, or at home surrounded by their families.

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    All of this is worth keeping in mind for those who might take inspiration from Newton-John’s brave outlook. She is not a typical example. At 70, Newton-John has lived a fuller and more accomplished life than many of us could dream of, and she’ll be survived by a husband and daughter who love her dearly. In many ways, her acceptance of the unknown is a sign that she’s satisfied and grateful with what she does know about herself and her life as she’s lived it. As she said herself, “I’m so lucky that I’ve been through this three times and I’m still here. I’m living with it. Every day is a gift now, particularly now.”