That uncomfortable coronavirus feeling: It could be grief

(CNN)Maybe you're among the most fortunate in the coronavirus crisis -- your loved ones are healthy and you're sheltering at home.

Yet you still feel emotionally bulldozed by the pandemic. Those feelings of uncertainty, helplessness and exhaustion may be grief.
"A lot of people who I speak to, and I would include myself in this, we just feel flattened," said Phyllis Kosminsky, a clinical social worker in Westchester County, New York, specializing in grief, loss and trauma.
    "We've lost that sense of certainty, that sense of safety, that sense of predictability and so it stands to reason that all of that leaves us feeling dislocated and unsure about what's going to happen next," said Kosminsky, who is president of the Association for Death Education and Counseling.
      With more than 120,000 Covid-19 deaths recorded globally as of April 15, people all over the world are grieving the sudden loss of loved ones, and the intensity of those losses is clear.
      But grief can come from the loss of anything we're attached to deeply: the loss of economic stability, the loss of our ability to move around freely, the ability to participate in life's milestones in person.
      "The grief that people have difficulty naming is the sense of loss that we have for all that we thought we were secure in -- like the loss of the illusion that we're in control of our lives," said Sonya Lott, a Philadelphia-based psychologist with advanced training in treating complicated grief.
        Your high school or college senior might not have a graduation ceremony or your daughter might not have the wedding she's dreamed of for years.
        "We have to realize all those losses are grief, they are real grief," said David Kessler, author of "Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief," which he wrote after the death of his 21-year-old son.

        Guilt doesn't help grief

        While it's easy to look at your situation and compare it with others who may have experienced more profound losses, judging your feelings isn't helpful in honoring them and moving through them.
        "As a bereaved parent, I want people to know that all tears count and all grief counts," said Kessler, who co-authored two books with psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, including an adaptation of her five stages of grief for bereavement.
        "The woman whose wedding is canceled, yes, she's going to get to have another wedding in three months or four months or six months, but she gets to have grief and be disappointed now," he said.
        People often feel guilty about being upset over the loss of their routine or their sense of control when they know others are suffering more.