Many kids are struggling as they come out of pandemic isolation. Experts advise what may help with the transition

Emerging from pandemic isolation can be a difficult adjustment for your kids.

(CNN)I tapped gently on the driver's window while my toddler pressed his back to the passenger door inside the car.

"I don't want to go!" he wailed.
We were just over a week into day care drop-off, and the excitement of new people and spaces had worn off. A disorienting world of masks and unrecognizable faces was sinking in.
    For the past 14 months as the pandemic raged, we'd been isolated at home, extra cautious because of my chronic health issues. My 3-year-old was used to the sameness of the days and the constancy of our unit. And now everything was changing.
      Long before the Covid-19 vaccine took full effect in the grown-ups, we'd been weighing the risks of sending him and his 8-year-old sister back to school and how to prepare for an unpredictable transition.
      Now here we were and, despite feverish research and counseling support, I was in a day care parking lot, grasping at straws.
      We had watched Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, advise the United States on the pandemic. But as Nikki Raymond, CEO of behavioral health and family preservation service provider Georgia HOPE noted, there was no one as visible speaking out about the inevitable mental health fallout -- and what we should do for ourselves and our kids.
      Surely there were other families now trying to help their kids adjust to the transition to reopening as vaccines became more widely available in the United States. Here's what health and education experts said about managing your kids' mental health while expanding their once limited circles.

      Can our kids return to in-person learning?

      When deciding if your unvaccinated kids should stay at home or go back to school, it's easy for parents (who have a choice) to get caught in a loop of second-guessing themselves.
      "Quiet the noise, focus on who you trust and be honest about your comfort levels and family's needs," said Erica Fener-Sitkoff, clinical psychologist and executive director of Voices for Georgia's Children, a children's advocacy nonprofit.
      For starters, avoid comparing your options to other families' options. Lean on trusted sources for decision-making, whether it's your kid's pediatrician, your own doctors (if you're an immunocompromised adult), the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or the American Academy of Pediatrics, Fener-Sitkoff said.
      Next, identify your boundaries. Be honest about what you're comfortable with and what you're not ready for yet. Write it down, come back to it, and make changes when you need to. Keeping a log will provide a clear reference and help instill confidence in what you decide, Fener-Sitkoff said.

      Talk to your kids

      Whether you have toddlers, tweens or teenagers, have age-appropriate conversations about the coming changes and how you can tackle them together.
      Begin by acknowledging how you have supported each other alongside the deep losses. Talk about the boundaries you previously set to keep the family safe, how they are changing and why. For example, discuss shifting from not interacting with anyone outside the household to going to a camp with Covid safety protocols.
      Explain that additional changes will come as we learn more about the virus or as more people get vaccinated — or not — and that you'll continue to talk as a family about those changes. And be sure to communicate what you can all still do to stay safe, Fener-Sitkoff said.
      Answering your children's questions transparently and checking in often about their experiences during the transition are key to helping them feel more secure in the decisions you're making, even if peers' families are doing things differently.
      Come up with potential scenarios they may face, like being around others who are unmasked indoors if the family rule is to wear masks, and how your kids might respond, Fener-Sitkoff noted.
      Also encourage kids to talk to others they feel safe with, whether it's a friend, extended family member or support staff at school or camp.

      Lower expectations for older kids

      All kids need time to adjust to a new routine, said Maia Smith, longtime school social worker with Fulton County in Georgia, but parents of teens need to be extra mindful to respond to their struggles with empathy rather than punishment or restrictions.
      That's because parents tend to have higher expectations of older kids. Hit pause on that. Now is the time for grace and keeping the lines of communication open, even if your teen resists, Fener-Sitkoff said.
      That could look like pulling your teenager out of their room to talk about friendships, feelings and school activities over a meal, Smith said.
      When parents are also vulnerable about their own challenges with the transition, it helps kids feel less alone, said Brittney Walters, a licensed clinical social worker and clinical director of school-based mental health at CHRIS 180, a behavioral health and child welfare service organization. (The letters "CHRIS" stand for creativity, honor, respect, integrity and safety.)

      Start with small group activities

      Ease kids into social gatherings with one-on-one time with a good friend or a small group of friends, said Cindy Simpson, CHRIS 180's chief operating officer.
      In my household, we went to the playground and saw a couple of friends from vaccinated families outdoors. A week before my toddler went back to day care, he met his new classmates and teachers during outdoor play at school, so he wasn't completely unfamiliar on his first day.
      Watch out for sensory processing issues. Kids who have had limited contact with others may be overstimulated in big groups or noisy spaces. Keep a pair of headphones on hand, Walters said.
      Kids who have spent most of their time at home may have challenges adjusting to environmental temperature shifts, like getting uncomfortably cold in air-conditioned classrooms.
      "Could it also be nerves? Maybe," Walters said. But it doesn't take much to be prepared with a pair of mittens indoors, even in the summer.

      Create routine and rituals

      Many younger kids -- like my 3-year-old -- go through separation anxiety during any transition, Fener-Sitkoff noted.
      You can develop a new routine to reset their sense of stability, security and confidence in their new environment. The more predictable the routine, the more in control they feel.